hahas, what an irony

Do you know what?
last night I had a long time thinking about my life and all that is happened and all that I am coming into. I could see myself really depressed. I prayed and asked God what I should do. I know I had been really playing along with the politics in class, yeah. sad to say that I had been really bad in the way i actually speak to ppl about another person, after awhile I felt really uncomfortable, and promted by the Holy Spirit to STOP. I knew that I had grieved my Spirit, and if I were to continue, I would eventually lose myself. So I prayed and cried to God, as i start typing, I can feel that God is leading me into His plans/ One, I totally stop complaining. Two, I apologise even if the opposite party was the one to be coplicating, Third, that is to frequently count my blessings above all, Fourthly, Just LOVE UNDESERVEDLY. -though I may seem to be on the losing end. Fifth, make my stand, stand strong on my convictions of God. Sixth, that is do some mental isolation, imersing in the Holy Spirit, and seek the HEART OF GOD. Finally, that is stop judging, and just move on in life, striving for excellence, not be involved in their conversations, and all. Take no heed to their schemes, and just be faithful on my course. LOVE, GOD, PEOPLE, LIFE!!!!

I have to admit, I had been feeling really lousy these few days, maybe bcos I was feeling proud in the first place. Besides all these, I think that I should stop being manipulasting, and scheming on situations, When God promises something, He does it. Its just a matter of time.

Still pondering about the situation last night. I know that I need to be realistic, but again, it is also idealism that keeps a person passionate. I don't think I'm going to take all that negativity from mum, though I admit, it was a fault on my part to talk so much. Perhaps, it was wrongly conveyed, but more than that, I really should'nt have reacted to my judgement. I should just have been magnanimous, and prayed with her no matter how bad I felt on the inside, no matter how self-centred I saw her to be. God reminded me - She's still human. So am I.

But I set my mind on not speaking so much to her, it was a flaw on my part knowing that she is not a very humble person, I'm like her, I am stubborn, and Kia su/ At times, I'm negative and many times I don't encourage, but instead speak death. This really taught me a few lessons :

1. I am not humble enough to accept critism
2. I am not confident in God enough to totally believe what He has given me
3. I am not loving enough to take all the nonsense from people


oh no oh no! I need to change! I need to broaden my heart, and mind, I need to further seek counsel from God, and wisdom too. I need to be wise and think before i speak or say anything/ God, You Got to HELP me PLEASE!!


Love, Hannah. I am still happy. :)