Big girls don't CRY.

La da da da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter for my own protection baby To be with myself in center Clarity, peace, serenity
[chorus:]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry

The path that I'm walking, I must go alone
I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown, full grown.
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I forsee the dark ahead if I stay

[chorus:] I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside I need to be with myself in center
Clarity, peace, serenity Yeah

[chorus:] I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry

La da da da da da

Yeah, big girls don't cry. i collected my results today yeah, passed all H1 subjects and h2 Cse, failed my H2 Lit and econs. :) wells, not totally affected by my results though. I know that since the start it will be a tough ride through this year. and true enough it did'nt really go well the whole year through. The only enjoyable moments were the moments i got revelation from God, and the times i hung around ppl from church. yeah. I never felt so peaceful about retaining in my life before. i know that God has got the best plans for me. :)

Earlier as i showering, i was just thinking about my verdict and why i had'nt react the way i thought i should be reacting towards to. in my Spirit, God gave me a vision to run towards to. He said: " Hannah, though you might have retained countlessly, and this year has been a challenge of your faith, others may think and see it as a bad thing, but You are gonna run and fly from this moment on. you are going to be one used to glorify Me. You will be an encouragement to many around you, and to those who come around you."

I took it, and now i don't feel so bad about this at all. Although there are things i might have to face up to at a later stage, i have peace its all gonna go well. I know that my mum keeps thinking that my state is solely caused by my packed schedule of church activities. But honestly, i think its more than just that. God has it planned. there's no need to worry about. God has a wonderful future for me, and he knows what He's doing.

If you are there to read this mum, please know that it is not a co-incidence. Since the day you trusted me into His care. Your daughter is no 13 yrs old. Yes i might have made some lousy decisions in the past when i was immature, but also know that through all those is how i'm able to come into the promises of God. rmb that God is a faithful God, and He will not let anything go worng in our family since the day He said that He was your husband. Its not a lone thing He declared to you. being your husband meant that He would take care of us too.

I know that my schedule has got a lot of things, and sometimes its uncopable, but in the end, i still managed it pretty well did'nt i? If i did'nt start giving myself the chance to be busy, then in future, how am i going to cope the stress of a busy business person's schedule? if i have to keep relying on you to talk to my leaders and pastors about my inability to handle my time well, then when would i be given the chance to handle my life well on my own? I understand that you are my mum, and you are given the mandate to do certain things, i understand it, i totally know what it is, and that's why i honour and respect you. i give you the liberty to have my timetable and account to you for things that i know, understand, do and hear. But please understand that I'm no longer young anymore. I know what i can manage and what i can't. I know what i want and what in don't. i may not be able to understand certain things but i know that God is with me. Certain things are allowed by God. And many things i work by what i'm given to. I know clearly that i'm a person that works well by experience, and others can scrape through this time round, but i cannot, and i must not. because i know God has it planned out that i can shine like a butterfly at the end of it, for His glory. :)

i might have been fed up and upset a little when you said that you did'nt want to talk to me, but i 'm feeling alright now. Only God can make me feel this way. God is a God of peace, and as a disciple of Christ, i ought to settle things peacefully. i will do well for my A levels, don't worry. :) i love you mummy!

Hillsong United!!! The Stand Lyrics:
You stood before creation
Eternity in Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul to stand

So what can I say
And what could i do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand


So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

FOREVER I WILL STAND ON GOD'S PROMISES, NO COMPROMISE

Love,
Hannah (TEN) 2.0

Just wanna talk

Hey,

I'm now on the bus, and i just wanna tslk a little bit. I'm listening to this song from the movie enchanted, so close, and i really like it. A feel of romance. Somehow there's some sense of nostalgia,I kinda miss that feeling i have towards God. Still can remember the vision He gave me, the little girl sitting upon my father's shoulder, more than anything it was the message behind the whole vision that i really love, something form my father's heart. He said that He loves me and just like that little girl I see in that vision, its me. He will carry me upon His shoulder for the rest of my life. He will protect me. it does'nt matter that my physical earthly father don't want me. He wants me, and that's what honestly matter to me. I may not have a physical father, but I know i have God, my heavenly father, the greatest of all Creation. In Him, i shall not fear. In Him, whom shall i fear, whom shall I fear?

The second thing i want to talk about is the dream i had sometime ago. Everytime i listen to this song, i remember that dream. My prince, who held my hand in danced with me in the ball. I was a princess, but he loved me. he took my hand and held it tightly to his heart. That was of course, just a dream. But i'm sure if ever i were to have a husband, God would give me a prince who would hold me close to his heart, and his to mine. :)

My royal dream. I loved it. But above my love, God would be my first love. my number one.



Title So Close
Artist Enchanted (feat. Jon McLaughlin)
Album Enchanted Soundtrack (2007) , Track 4


You're in my arms
And all the world is gone
The music playing on
For only two
So close togehter

And when I'm with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams must die
So I bid mine goodbye
And never knew
So close was waiting
Waiting here with you
And now, forever, I know
All that I want is to hold you
So close

So close to reaching
That famous happy and
Almost believing
This one's not pretend
Now you're beside me
And look how far we've come
So far
We are
So close...

Oh, how could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?

We're so close to reaching
That famous happy ending
Almost believing
This one's not pretend
Let's go on dreaming
Though we know we are
So close
So close, and still
So far...

Final Sunday!

Hi there!

Today was really a cool day. I mean, though its only about 1pm plus, for the last day of the week, i'm actually at home! :) Its been a long long time since i've actually stayed home on a sunday. Kinda miss the things that i do. Anyway, I brought Ro out for walk at bishan park 2 earlier on, my goodness! for the first time in my life,i've seen my dog so elated. So elated until he does'nt want to go home. I think i should bring him out more often. I mean if i could. Leonard brought his dog, so did dexter. Its kind of cute meeting them with their dogs. Its quite a cool thing to have a dog, and i thank God for giving me a dog. Though really, financially, i'm really not fit to keep a dog, but by God's grace and blessings, I could actually keep a dog, not a cheap breed somemore. :) Thank God for everything! hah, i wanna go sleep alreay so tired! slept at 3 plus this morning, reached home at about 2plus am. Because i missed my last bus!!!! so irritating. Haha. okok, cya again. :)

Pray for Ting wei's cousin's invitation, Angie's dad invitation, Cheryl's dad invitation, personal invitation to friends on Monday especially. okays, ttyl. zzz.

Love,
Hannah (TEN) 2.0

whoa. not quite right.

Hey there!

yeah, its 3.o2 am and i'm still wide awake! :) yeah. i'm wide awake. though i really feel like sleeping, i still have so much things to do. Besides, i really miss worshipping God. just staying in His presence can refresh me. :)

hAIS. WE'LL CHAT AGAIN. :)

lOVE,
HANNAH(ten) 2.0

LOYALTY

HI

LIFE'S BEEN GREAT, SO MUCH HAD PASSED, AND GOD'S BEEN AWESOME-AS ALWAYS. YOU KNOW RECENTLY I JUST ENDED MY PROMOS EXAM AND I WAS JUST THINKING AND CONSIDERING MY NEXT STAGE AND POINT OF LIFE. PRAYING AND ASKING GOD WHAT'S NEXT. GOD TOLD ME TO SOAR AND FLY HIGHER THAN BEFORE. THOUGH I FEEL A LITTLE AFRAID, I'M STILL GONNA GIVE MY BEST SHOT. TO BE HONEST, I KNOW I REALLY DON'T MEET THE CRITERIA OF PROMOTING. BUT SOMEHOW, THERE'S STILL HOPE WITHIN. I MAY NOT PROMOTE THIS YEAR, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I HAVE PEACE IN MY HEART. I WASS WORSHIPING GOD FOR A SHORT WHILE, AND ITS ALWAYS AT MOMENTS LIKE THIS, I FEEL THE STRONG TOUCH OF GOD. HIS PRESENCE LINGERS EVEN AFTER WORSHIP. I WAS THINING IN MY HEART, WHAT A LONG WAY I'VE COME. I'M ALMOST IN CHURCH FOR 2 YEARS. IT HAS BEEN A BAD YEAR, AND IT'S BEEN A LONG WAY I'VE WAITED. IT'S ALMOST THE END OF THE YEAR, AND THAT'S WHEN I STARTED TO LOOK BACK IN TIME, REALISING HOW FAITHFUL GOD HAS BEEN TO ME, NO MATTER HOW UNFAITHFUL I'VE BEEN TOWARD HIM SO MANY TIMES. HE NEVER FAILS TO BE THERE FOR ME. I REMEMBER THAT WHEN I FACED MY CLOSE FRIEND'S DEATH THIS YEAR, IT WAS A SLAP OF REALITY ON MY FACE. I REALISED HOW EASILY PEOPLES' LIFE COME AND GO. NO DOUBT, I KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO HEAVEN, BUT I WAS STILL ANGRY WITHIN. I WAS'NT SURE IF HE ANGER WAS TOWARD GOD OR THE DEVIL OR MYSELF. THERE WERE SO MANY THINGS THAT SPARKED THAT ANGER,THIS RESULTED IN ME NOT BEING ABLE TO HEAR GOD AS CLEARLY AS BEFORE. AS I WAS WORSHIPPING, I REALISED THAT GOD IS GOOD, AND HE ALWAYS PLANS AHEAD. I REMEBERED SOMETIME LAST YEAR, THERE WAS A ZONE CAMP, AND CHARLESTON WAS PREACHING ON "OTHERS CAN, I CANNOT" THE SERMON WAS POWERFUL, BUT THE REVELATION FROM GOD WAS EVEN MORE POWERFUL. DURING ALTAR CALL, I WENT FORTH, I DID'NT KNOW THE LEADER WHO PRAYED FOR ME, I REALLY DID'NT WHO IT WAS UNTIL LATER ON. ALL I KNEW WAS THAT HE TOOK MY HANDS AND HELD IT WITH HIS THUMB AND INDEX FINGER, MAKING THE MARK OF CHRIST ON MY HANDS. AT THAT MOMENT, I ASKED GOD WHAT IT MEANT. THERE AND THEN, GOD SPOKE INTO MY HEART SAYING, "IN TIMES OF PAIN AND SUFFERING, WHEN YOU FACE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS, JUST REMEMBER THIS, I'M ALWAYS HERE, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE CARRYING YOU.. YOU WILL FACE MUCH MORE AHEAD, BUT JUST REMEMBER THIS, I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS YOU ARE MY PRINCESS" . THAT WAS THE TURNING POINT OF MY LIFE. MY POINT OF REFERENCE EVEN UP TO NOW. THOUGH THIS YEAR MIGHT HAVE BEEN A BAD YEAR, BUT GOD HAS MADE IT GREAT. THOUGH THERE'S BEEN SO MUCH PAIN AND SUFFERING, BUT GOD HAS MADE IT WELL.I WILL RUN THIS RACE FOR HIS SAKE. LOYALTY IS THE WORD I'VE MARKED MY HEART UPON. AND I'M PROUD AND GLAD TO SAY THAT I'M STILL FAITHFUL TO THIS DAY.

LOVE,
HANNAH (TEN) 2.0

The race

Hi there

Finally i manage to hear God clearer than ever. Is God so small that I can't depend on Him in my walk of life?

i started out not so well this year. Its not going to be easy from this point, its the peak, or rather the slope in this period of my walk and life, i can say is really not easy. but you know what? with God on my side, would i be losing out man? God will not put me through something that I can't handle. right now, I must breakthrough my childishness. I will come through another level. I will emerge victorious at the end of race. Even if i were to retain, I will retain and study harder, doing better than anyone of them that promote. Its the start and the walk of my adulthood. I'm starting out afresh with God! :)

Love, Hannah 2.0

Beginning never end

Hi there,

I wanna share something that has been on my heart recently. I think that all discouraged, sad, hurt and purposeless people should just know about this.

knowing that my friend passed away recently, I have admit, it was a tough time getting it of my mind, even up to now. It was really a struggle at that point of my life. But do you know what? I don't think i can ever forget or even hide it inside me. What I learnt through that season was that there ar emany things in life that occur sadly, but how we take it will determine our destiny.

For me, I cried over it umpteen times, i felt hurt, injured from the physical to psychological, and i hated it. I hated the emotional feeling and really hated the trauma i was going through. I mean, if anyone who knew me, would have seen that there was a season and period of time that I was really down, depressed and not myself at all. Even my classmates could tell that i was torn totally. I felt myself losing all sense and purpose, and drive of my life. Despite the various encouragements, nothing helped, the countless drive i had to take to motivate myself failed relentlessly. I lost all Hope, Purpose and Vision in life. I even started to neglect God.

But you know what? God never gave up on me. Even though He knew that I was unfaithful to Him alone, and I was just not living, He really remained faithful. In my walk with Christ, He has never failed to encourage or even disciple me. God would frequently remind me of my high calling and rebuke me to live up to standards, sometimes He would bring me back to His covenant and promises He made with me. Assuredly, He will never let me fall.

This season, I was just thinking to mydelf and I asked God if ever I could actually rise to a high level in my walk of life, in church and in the world. Regardless of the situation i'm in, God says i'm His esther and I have a high calling in Him. To me, will He instill character, confidence. To me, will He renew my mind and Spirit with his. To me, will He fulfill His promises.

I'm just so grateful for what I am today, for where I am at today. People can say and criticise all that I am, they may say all the things that can hurt me, or even become big in thrie eyes, but you know what, no matter how much or how big they see themselves as, the truth is i know my position in God, i know i am a royal preisthood, and i know my comfort, life and authority lies in the hands of the Father. With God with me, who can come against me?

coming to the end of my sharing today, I've just been thinking about the issue on focus. Focus. In my heart, I just have been thinking on whom do i place my focus in especially at where i am today, what am i to focus my eyes upon. pastors? leaders? myself? the end? the numbers? the growth? I tell you today, as long as i live, my focus lies in Jesus Christ. I always remember that leadership lies in the hands of God not man. What Ivan said was really true. We really can't depend on him, ultimately, he is still man. ultimately, he has to go to the army, and ultimately, it is not him that we're focusing on. the same goes with our pastors and other leaders. We should honour God before man. That's why i think that when we go to church, we must constantly and consistently remind and remeber ourselves our purpose and the heart behind coming to church.

That's why I am really prepared and ready to leave anything that draws and pulls me away from God. ;)

A new beginning and much more awaits me as i continue living and learning the way and the things that God planned for me to learn! RISE UP!

love, Hannah 2.0

Charge!

Hi there!

Its really been some time since i've blogged. I just wanna update a little about my life. Well it was my birthday last Firday. I guess, God has heard my plea, or rather my heart. i must say that God is good all the time. Well, this year, I received the best of ALL worlds. I mean I can't explain more. But its really the first time I received a gift from my classmates, its not cheap, besides, my pw team treated me at Sakae last friday, besides that, my aunt treated me to pasta mania and a movie treat watching WALL.E and she alsos blessed me with $50. More than all these, my cell group, and leader gave me a great book by Pastor Cho, and I got a birthday card personalised from Charleston!! hahas, that's the coolest thing i can get this birthday man! Somemore, to day my close friend, Qi yuan treated me at a Japanese Restaurant @ Liang court, the meal was really not cheap. But I tell you its not abt the gifts that matter to me, its the heart. :)
Recalling so much, I can alsos rmb that my junior and her sister Meili specially celebrated my birthday under a void deck near my place. And I have to say that God's really a great God. He even blessed me with a sermon disc set by Pastor Tan Ye Peng yesterday when he came to preach in HoGC. God saw how much i wanted Him more than ever. God is good! It was His gift for me. :)

I'm proud to be a christian!

I'm really grateful towards God for all the encouragements my God, pastors, leaders, church mates and even friends gave to me!! Its more than what I can imagine this day! Praise God! I am motivated to move on in life.

Love,
Hannah 2.0

BREAK THROUGH MAN!

First things first, wanna tell you my latest revelations. Recently I felt myself stagnant in my growth, feeling weary, and just like under tremendous pressure often. Besides, I also felt that B4 was rather stagnant in its growth, if not, maybe i was the one missing out. But you know, Over the weekend, I had a new revelation and I found that its was then i realised that I had lost that part of myself that had caused me to gradually lose my drive since I entered YJC, and carry the wrong attitude in life.

Lynette shared a really powerful message last Saturday during discipleship class. Of all the things she shared, 3 points i caught so much that I'm still holding it today, and i'm going to continue holding on to it since I made the decision to.

The first thing that God revealed to me was that Heart of God Church was built upon a dream to build the dreams of others. You know as i was sitting and listening to Lynette share
what I learnt from discipleship class, and in my spirit, i saw a supernatural event happening. It so felt like a magical experience but I knew in my spirit that God was speaking and showing something to me. I recalled the sometime around this season of my life last year when you spoke and share with me about God strategically placing me here in Hogc as a builder in the house. You know, it was at that God had shown me a vision even before the time you shared with me that I was holding tools and building the house of God, which was Hogc. It was there and then that i realised why I wanted so much to leave my previous church even though I was so comfortable in where I was at. It was through that recollection of my vision that God shook me and told me to start doing my work. Yup, there and then in the discipleship class. I knew immediately that I had a mission to accomplish and to do it with all my heart. Then, a thought striked me. I suddenly realised if I actually knew the dreams of others and built it like how Pastors had built mine. Whether i had actually touched hearts and be the vessel that God can use to touch hearts like how my heart was touched. I made my mind, I needed to know the dreams of my people. Thus, I did something that weekend.

The next thing that i caught was that as much as pastors put the heart into building HoGC by faith and sacrifice, Lynette shared about HoGC started in faith and it CANNOT fall in flesh. When I heard that, immediately something struck my heart! I cannot let my home fall in flesh. I must do my part in upholding the house of God, I can't let God's presence leave HoGC, I can't let HoGC fall and crumble. I can't let HoGC DNA and culture gradually dilute through the generations, and I must keep on passing the DNA and injecting it into the next Generation! Then, was when I decided, i need to keep my heart focused on God. There was when I started feeling the joy of the Lord flooding into my life again.

The last thing that wrecked my heart so much was the part when Lynette shared about the busiest period of HoGC for this year has passed, and we need to take this time to build ourselves. We need to come back and soak in the presence of God already. And my spirit interpreted it as the need to come back to the Heart of God, heart of worship. And that, I totally agree. So in this season, even though I may be studying for my Promos, and encountering the busiest seasons of my life of education, I must hang on to God. My heart so desired to come back into the thick presence of God. Wait on God, I have decided.

Then, the last thing that i caught was the part where Lynette mentioned about being real. Yeah, it hit me so much at that point. Especially now that I stepped into YJC, i realised that a slice and a piece of the real world is surfaced, and I start to see the complications and realness of life. At that moment, I suddenly saw something that I know that I will never see, I believed God Showed it to me. It was the thought of pastors. you know, i suddenly realised how God had used pastors to be great influence on my life. I suddenly saw that pastors had the chance to prosper in the world, and they are adults, there will definitlely be opportunities they could become political and complicated people. But i saw that they rather give up the world and do God's work rather than stay in the world and be succesful but not in God's will. You know it really was the most WOW thing I realised. I mean, definitely pastors would have been tempted to really not sow into our lives, but they went against the flow,and they stayed real and humble evene to this day. They are just so genuine, and even now, they will still be facing complicated people from the world, but they are always strong and being real and genuine, knowing they have God whose mightier than anything else. And that was what I saw. I knew, it had to be God to unfold these Big thoughts in my head that I can understand fully what my direction is in life now. That the was the most powerful revelation so far.

The next thing I did was to recommit myself to God all over again. When Pastor How was preaching last sunday, God reconfirmed and assured me that things would not go wrong,and so I can trust Him. I felt that it was the beginnings of my breakthrough. I felt my vision renewed, my purpose regained, and I was steering towards God again. I now am so eager to do things not on my own, but God,with pastors and the dream team!


Yeah! Breakthrough !

Love Hannah 2.0 ( A great leader lives )

Moving on

Yeah.

Life's been really on the dull side recently, but no, I won't let it eat into me. It has'nt been easy coping with all the stresses around me since, but, i'll still do it anyway. I should take more water breaks, or organise my life on a wiser scale. But, if you were in my place, you'd know that i don't have so much time to do so. Nope, I'm not gonna let the world take me over and despise the God in my life. I'm still gonna let God, and show man that its impossible by my strengths,but with God, nothing is impossible. You think that Christianity is something you choose to pick when its good, and throw when circumsatnces let you down, you're wrong. Let not your ways deceive me, cos I know that my God's stronger. God bless, I'm moving on, i'm moving on..

Till we meet again.

Love, Hannah 2.0

Moving on

Reminiscences

Hi .

Just now i had a really good cry. Somehow it just lingers on in my life. you see, death is a very sensitive issue in my life encyclopedia. Besides,life has been really on the rough side at this point. Just looking at my amazing future. CAn't wait.

Love hannah 2.0

C'mon! Get a LIfe!

Hey you!

Yes you! if you're reading my blog, yeah, i've smth to tell ya! that is to get a LIFE! really,I mean, to be honest, I struggled with being able to live life, but yeah, now, I'm truly able to think cos I'm getting my life right!

No time to emphasise much but yeah, My final line, get a life, and you'll find mine. :)

Its great to lead a great life!!!

catch ya come other time ya? ! bye!!

Love,
Hannah 2.0 -- undergoing training! :)

I'm Not Alone

Hey there

I'm currently in school using the computer for some PW stuff and , later I'll be typing my John 3: 16 training notes. Yeah. I dunno what got into me recently, I gotta confess, I've been procrastinating especially in the area where waking up is concerned. Sometimes even when i study,I dunno how to start or I tend to feel tired easily. But I'm not gonna give up just like that. I know that I'm not alone in this. ytd, I ws chatting with my classmate on the phone for nearly an hour or so. I believed she was really troubled, so with gratitude and attitude, I offered to pray for her and hear her out. My life seemed to pss that tide sometime ago. but now i see why God has placed me here. With a specifc time, and purpose. I'm even more determined not to give up just like that. I may feel tired now, but its not all over. I've set in my heart that the Devil cannot do anything to bring me down, be it in the physical, spiritual or emotional realm! If you're reading my blog, and understand how i'm feeling, please pray together with me, for my Family Grandpa's health and salvation, and my church growth to become more spiritual by the end of the year, our attendance would increase and more than that, every individual will grow spiritually! Lets rise to greater heights! AMEN!~ thanks. :)

Love, Hannah 2.0

Life's good! its gonna be great! :D

Hey hey!

I'm starting to feel the drive in life already. Yeah. Ytd, I went for leaders' mtg, and really hung out with the leaders and grew a level higher in knowing and thinking like them. I think the leaders' are really really cool. :) I love my leaders! Yeah! B4's gonna grow and breakthrough!! AMen!!:)

Love ,HAnnah!

~late for chinese class. :D

Picking it up again

hi

I'm starting to pick it all up again.

Had a wonderful time just hanging out with my new Cg yesterday. PPl from B4 are just COOL. They are so fun and funnie. I guess so much in life I look forward to is just these. FRIENDS. true friends. They stand by you and just love you.
I mean a day of troubles can cease within moments as long as you're around these bunch of ppl! Yeah. I love HoGC. Its my home its whr i belong. Its whr I stand. Its my home. Currently, I'm still in school. I intended to go for Prayer mtg earlier on, but. I'm late alrd. Might as well go the next week's one. I think its really cool to have Heart of God church to belong to. Life. Is just boring without HoGC.

Ask me, I just finished my A levels Chinese Listening Compre.. Must have been really not good, I emphasise again.. NOT GOOD. Not fail,but just a pass perhaps, not as well. :)

But i mean everybody knows me.. I'm not CHEENA PEI PEI la.
haha, does'nt really matter! When I came to sch this MORNING> like at 11+ 12pm like that, I realise how much i can start afresh again. I set my heart on looking on the bright side of life every morning.I must enjoy this walk i take in YJC. I have to strive and do well in my academics. I just heard that I may not hv the same CT nx year!!! YES!! I must study hard to promote!!!! I also heard that if we promote, confirm there'll be a change of teachers!!!! YES!!!!!!!! I must study hard, i must study hard!! I must i mustz!!! PROMOTE!! :)


OHLAYoLAY!! My GP teacher also say finally I'm making improvements in my Essay!!


WAY TO GO HANNAH!! Jia yo jia yo!! haha, migraines seem to be eating into my strength, but i must resist! I will stand and start studying after this!! :)
Kinda miss my life. ~

Love,
HAnnah 2.0

What's happening.

My my.

Somebody please hear me. I dunno whats happening to me. I really don't. Got a dressing down by my teacher. I feel really bad. I mean about myself. I feel so like a hypocrite. Am i? am I?

Why m i feeling this way? I really really want to do well in Church, school at home and in my spiritual walk with God. What happened along the way? Why do i start feeling so down? Jeevitha's death brought about a great change in my life. Why is that so?

It has caused me to think how meaningless how life is. Besides, I feel like i've not been myself recently. And, i know that i sometimes behave immaturely. But sometimes, its really a part of me. I am really LOST.

Just that day i was really impacted and wanted to work hard for my promos. But why m i starting to procrastinate and lament now? Have I given up hope on God? or m i just tired with the way things are?

Have i lost self respect or what? was i crazy carrying a bad attitude around in school ?

Or is it the people around me? Has my morale dropped bcos of the people in sch or my teachers? Or has the sch system really tore my world of hopes away? Has ministry really been the one to pull me away?

Apparently it does'nt seem to be the case. I agree that i go to church more often than before. more than anyone else. But, that does'nt mean i can't do it right? have i lost the support already? Don't i have a life and a right to choose as well?

Isn't it my life to handle and control? Do they have to add pressure to my life? Am i not human as well? can't i even have the liberty to do the things that I've always wanted to do? Can't i even have the chance to face a rough patch in life, and pull through without authorities' interference?

I tried, i really tried/ Why does it seem like I've not even progressed a single bit? It feels like they have given up on me. When I say that, I meant that they gave up trusting in me. Trusting me in handling my own life. I know i make mistakes, i know i'm not super. but i also know that at the end of the day, God is with me. Trusting in Him is my only solution. But does it seem that people are doubting the strength of God? Why does it seem that I'm the stupid one to trust in God.

Church commitment is not little. I agree, but at least doing it really makes me happy. God's tasks for me makes me realise and learn what I've never thought i could do. Besides, everytime I do His tasks, i start loving people more and more. I start feeling faith rise within me. Its different from that of school homeworks. Besides, people in church are so much a part of me now. I really love being in the house of God than to dwell in the school. Facades I never fathomed about. But stir and abrupts my spirit. No peace, no sense of belonging. No voice, no life. I know that academics is important,i really do. But, to achieve great results is not by doing it this way. I'm a normal being who needs my life too. Church commitments has become a part of me, its my joy of doing such. Its not a chore, but a joy. Studying is also smth that i really enjoy. But why has the system made it so dreadful?

Everytime i think of YJC, i'm always seeing a person carrying a heavy bag, hunched back, with no energy to enjoy his walk in school. And a sense of deep solace within that person.Look around me, practically every student who used to be so joyful are looking EXACTLY the way as I've thought. And those who don't basically has no life! School is their ONLY life. They are happy about having a school bounded life. Well, I know that JC life meant to be like that, but isn't Yj a little too much? No wonder we are at the bottom of the ranks. School hrs are long, students are literally forced into a pit. And lockers! I bet YJ is the only school that has NO LOCKERS!
Dusty environment, broken and dirty equipments. Teachers think they know the world so well. Bad organising team. A team that can't even plan the whole school system well that will give enough time for students to rest. C'mon! no wonder my classmates are getting depressed every now and then, no wonder everyday i step into school, i see moody faces, and negative looks and attitude everywhere i go. No wonder my mood seem so bad.

BAD BAD BAD.

But i'm not giving up my life just like that. I'm still gonna strive to study, graduate by year 2 and go to NUS. I'm not determine to let people despise my God. I'm going to keep studying. The only thing which I find hard that may obstruct my progress is basically the people around me. I don't need my teachers to burden me, and add to my load. I'm self awared of myself. I don't need my mum to threaten me with pastors. I don't need my friends and teachers and sometimes family members to place eme in the frame they thought i would be. I just need trust and encouragement to push me towards success.

I shall shut my mouth from now, just seeking and thinking from God. God neevr gave up on me.Why should i give up? I WILL SUCCEED AND DRIVE PEOPLE TO THINK AND RECONSIDER THEIR THOUGHT ABOUT LIFE AND GOD!!!


Love,HANnah 2.0

Is it You? - SOng by Cassie.

I'm looking for a lover not a friend
Somebody who can be there when I need someone to talk to
I'm looking for someone who won't pretend
Somebody not afraid to say the way they feel about you

And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel,
Someone who can keep it real and who knows the way
The way I like to have it my way
And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,
Wants to share, shows he cares
Thinking your the one that I've been waiting for

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me? (Could you be?)
Could you be the one I need?

I'm looking for someone to share my pain (Uh)
Someone who I can run to, who would stay with me when it rains
Someone who I can cry with through the night
Someone who I can trust who's heart is right
And I'm looking for someone

And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel,
Someone who can keep it real and who knows the way
The way I like to have it my way
And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,
Wants to share, shows he cares
Thinking your the one that I've been waiting for

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be this one I need?

Take for granted
How much I care (How much I care)
And appreciates that I'm there
Someone who listens
And someone I can call who isn't afraid of thoughts to share

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

touchedF0REVER: One more down. a close one.

touchedF0REVER: One more down. a close one.

One more down. a close one.

Hi.

I lost another of my friend. this time round its somebody closer. My secondary school best friend. We never saw each other again til this year sometime within the last three months. She was really fine then. What happened? I need to go and find out more. Its getting scarier each time. I can't imagine such gruesome things happened in my life. Its reality, not a drama. How i wish it really was not reality. But its kinda hard to accept the fact. Not till i've seen for myself. But somehow I felt myself being numbed of my emotions.


When i heard the news broadcast yesterday, it did'nt occur to me that it was her. The Holy Spirit prompted me saying that it was somebody I knew. I took forgranted and did not bother to find out who it was. It was so sudden I don't really know how to deal with my emotions. I was sobbing during econs lecture earlier on, and I really did'nt know how to face up to this.

In my heart, I was just thinking how i should react to this incident. Its too coincidental that there's so many death among my circle of friends occuring. The Lord is trying to tell me something. The only thing that I really regretted was not bringing the dead to church. I tried, but could hv tried harder. But then again, life suddenly seems so fragile to me. I can't fathom the thought how i was going to cope with another incident. Will I be void of my emotions over again? Life seems so meaningless to me now.

You may ask me how i felt abt the murderer. Of course I felt that he should be punished severely, if i were'nt a christian, I would go aft him at all cost. but because I carry the name of the Lord, God has softened that spot in my heart. He has forbidden that i'd deal with hatred. Thus, I'm not concerned abt this evil, wicked indispicable man whose blood of the child of God is in his hands! I live to love, so I'm really concerned for the parents of Ashley. Her mum especially. I'll look for her. I'll do something after this. I need to find out and just be there for the mother of my friend. It burdens my heart. Now, her parents don't need to fight over finances and all already.

Back to my thoughts. God has wonderfully lifted my sorrows cause I believed God has warned me abt these events beforehand, that I may not be too affected by the dead but living. I look forward to the day where I'll meet Jeev in heaven when i'm old. I was reading my bible this morning, where Jonathan who was so close to David died. God has set my path in place, that I may seek Him before anything else. God has become my comfort. He has become my cushion and even if i were die I'll die for the cause of my Lord and saviour Jesus Christ.


If something happens to me, the only wish and desire I have in heart is to see my friends and relatives saved in Jesus Christ. My Grandfather, Uncle, classmates, ex-classmates, friends, people around me. For me, I live for Christ, and i know that if God takes me home, I'm sure to go heaven for eternity. I may fear death now, but I fear God more than anything else. The devil may take my body, but God takes my soul. The reason why I want to see all that I know coming to Christ is for the single wish to see them all worshipping and fellowshipping with God and us all. I rather we see ourselves in heaven than seeing these people in hell. Its for eternal. I'm carrying a burden of spreading the gospel with the people around me seriously for now.

I know my friend is gonna live in heaven just like Jonathan, the friend whom David loved. My joy is in the Lord, and my friend is in the Lord although she's a catholic, but I believed God has touched in her life. I'm gonna pray and intercede.


Love, Hannah 2.0

I am grieved

Hi,

I just found out that my secondary school friend just passed away. I'm really grieved. Feel so much like crying but i just can't. Tho i'm not exceptionally his gd friend, close or not. but i must say that he was my friend. I feel really sad cos i did'nt get the chance to bring him to church. I think its really a mind changing experience. I realized how much i must start reaching out to these ppl who needs God so much. However God has been gd! God has been great! new salvations every week!! :)

love, hannah

Life.

hey!

You ask me what life means to me. I tell you, this is is. Life.

Life without Jesus is really meaningless. i am just so happy that i've been chosen to attend discipleship with Pastors. It's really a great honour for me. it has been my desire to be close with the man and woman of God. It has been my dream to serve pastors till I get old.

This morning I was just thinking to myself abt the grace and mercy God has showered upon my life. i realized that God has been good to me. When i was doing my devotional early this morning, I was reading the book of Samuel. I just admire the character of David. I told God and made a decision thats is even when i start to become successful in life, prosper and all, i would never want to leave his presence. the one thing I feared most is losing my connection with God. For he could promote me, and He and demote me as well. I promised God that i'll always keep a heart of faith and humility. that i may never stray from His ways, for if I want to be used by God, my basic requirement is to seek His ways.

I know that in this time of trial and testing, God has given another chance and opportunity to train my capacity. i know that in the midst of my busy schedule, and packed timetable, i can cope with it all for i know that God will not give me smth that I cannot take or conquer. For every level i proceed, another devil in seat. I must never give eup for the cause of Jesus Christ. i know that my friends are thinking that doing so much for God and the church is really meaningless, and useless. but I tell you, as surely as my God lives, He will pull me through it all.

I am all set and ready to start working hard for God. I still wanna grow up, support SOF, bring my family overseas often, and I wanna be able to bless many with my finances and my testimonies.

On the bus to gramps place, a sudden thought came into my mind. It OBVIOUSLY is not from God. Something that went like this : " now that your life is getting stressful and all, why don't you just give it all up? For if you give up going to church, you'll be able to concentrate well in your studies, and life would be good for you. You gain and don't lose at all." Then in my spirit, another voice spoke. it said: "No! I'll never ever try to fathom the thought of leaving God. You know what? Though to you i may seem to be happy and joyful that if I leave church and do especially well in my academic, but truly, that joy can never reach the one of which you witness a soul saved for Jesus Christ. For i do not look to the physical gains in life, but the supernatural. Besides, life would be meaningless if i just studied and gave up my great destiny in God for smth so absolute. Look, though i may not have done well in my academic currently, God is good, and who said that Christians can't be radical yet academically inclined in the FIRST place? for i know that the word of God clearly states that " For seel FIRST His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you" Matthew 6:33. memorised, by heart! That voice got so dumbfounded and shut out, and I felt a surge of faith and courage in my spirit.

okays, its kinda late, so aft this, i'm going to purchase my stud concession,and change the money!

If you know me, Please pray for my grandfather's health and salvation. thanks.

Anw, its so exciting! We hv a zone mtg tmr, and I bet, its so cool! Good bye!

Love, HAnnah :)

School's Starting all over again :)

Honestly,

I really dread the thought of returning to school all over again. I mean, honestly, studying is actually really fun. However, ever since I entered this school, things changed. I've taken on a whole new arena of ball game which I don't even know the rules of. But, I really am not just gonna give it up. Though it may be tough, I'm pretty sure God's will pull me through. I just gotta work harder. :) Actually got my results back.. Hahas, failed my maths. 23/100 :) Congrats to me! Just try harder for my next few tests, and start working on my every subject just like how I promised God, My leader and myself that I would take it all and make things happen! Its really about taking things and making them happen. Well, Look at Ivan! If my leader can do it, I can do it too! Look at Sam, if She can make it, I can make it too! :) Ultimately, I live to conquer, and I live to face challenges and enjoy the outcome of it all. Its possible, why not? :) I got deployed into hospi, and if I'm gonna serve Pastors, I'm gonna live up to expectations. If i'm gonna serve in Reception and hospi, I'm gonna do well in school and in church, at home, and in my own personal relationship with God. Besides, If I am gonna attend leaders' mtg, I'm gonna be like a leader. Its time to take my place, to be the daughter in HoGC. I'm gonna rise and build God's house! :)

WAY WAY TO GO! HANNAH 2.O!!! jia yo!! :)))

I'm gonna break through

I'm gonna break through. Thats all i can say.
Have to hurry update u on my life.

Recently, I had a revelation from God, he told me that the harvest is plentiful but the labourers are few. I knew he meant to give me something. Then He said Go! now is the time to rise up in leadership. true enough God started increasing my wisdom, stature, favour with Him and with man. It started with Pastor sharing about me for building fund service this year, where God tremendously how amazingly I can be used for His purpose in order to bridge the gap of the older generations. Ten, I thanked God, after that I aske God to use me more. I dunno how but whatever He deemed fit, I asked Him to use me. The next thing I knew, I was sharing my testimony on stage, most amazing thing was that I was called to join in the leaders; meeting the next week, and so on.. I grew so much in God. I just thank God for being there for me. Hearing and answering my prayers as according to His timing. I Thank God that He is God and I am not, for I know that I am mere human and can never be so Great like Him, but to have Him is my pleasure that I may not fall into the pits of life but to soar high in life. Though sometimes it may not be on the peak, but still, I'm high with God up there who shields and protects me, brings me through so much, and recently I've broke through in another great obstacle in my life. Its just so so PHENOMENA! Hallelujah. I can't help but keep praising Jesus! Life's great! and it's gonna be greater!! haha.

okok, gotta go study. Instructed by Sam!
I love God! HoGC! Pastors! Sam!


Love, Hannah ( love God, Ppl n Life)

Migraines.

yeah. think i'm having migraines.

Not severe but bad enough to spoil my mood. Maybe its dehydration. I dunno. whatever the case, i'm going home to pack my bag!! i mean my luggage. yeah. hahas. life's but a journey of dreams. time flies. very soon, its holidays, very soon, its over. very soon, its a new year all over again. hmms. But right now, i can't wait but get out of this place as soon as possible. when I sadi that, i meant, GRADUATE. yeah/ I think I need to keep indulging in the presence of God, recently, I've been really busy with life. where has God gone in my life???
No, i gotta hold on to God, and let God lead me. You say reliant? i reply, yes, reliant. TOTALLY on God.

Alright man, i gotta go. catch up some time after I return from China.

Love,
Hannah :)

woo hoho. 3 more days

okok.

gotta hurry, my stomach hurts, and after this, i gotta rush to the toilet, and then complete my chinese worksheet! power la. teacher not here today, had econs earlier on. later i'll be going down to church, study, go home, finish laundry, tomorrow, finish my 2.4 km run, den, proceed for the rest of the sch day, finally, I can go home and study proper, I can study for GP blok test on friday! hahas

then ,friday, i'll have paper after that i gotta go for discipleship in church. prayer mtg, home, and saturday, off to china!! hahas. i'll be missing red rain. =((

alright really gotta go off to the toilet!!

Love, Hannah :)

Matthew 24:13 (New King James Version)

But he who endures to the end shall be saved.


Do you believe in God? I have been pondering about what happened these few days. And I have to confess, I DO! and i have been so blessed! Though I may have been discipled that day, but, holding on my convictions really paid off.

I finally lived to witness this day to see a soul saved before my eyes. This, I swear is just going to make a significant impact on my life.I will run from this day on!!!

I believe that taking what I am discipled about seriously that I may grow. For I so believe that God will not let me go through something I cannot handle. More than anything else, I truly am elated to witness the birth of a new spiritual life. Thank God that I can witness this phenomenon. Hallelujah! Forever God be praised!


I pray with my heart that this will not end here. May I continue to prosper in God, and witness more addition to the kingdom of God. SEEK. is the word of my season now.

God wants me to see from a point of view I have never seen before, to actually see beyond the surface.


I shared this with my leader, and I can share it with those who are willing to hear. I was praying to God, not willing to just be scolded and not do anything with my life. So, I started seeking and praying and asking God HOW did the leaders grow to be so powerful. How, did the people managed to win the souls for Christ. It grew so much into a desire that God planted a rhema into my heart. He said : " If you wnat SOMETHING, YOU GOTTA SOW THAT THING" immediately, my heart caught it, I told God that I'm not going to just sit there and wait and dream and desire for that time to come to pass, I started seeing the future with hope. I started seeing myself soaring as I put all hope and trust in God, the thoughts of being discipled kept coming back into my mind, I NEED TO GROW UP! I NEED TO LIVE LIFE RIGHT, I NEED TO GIVE WHAT I WANT TO SEE. Then, the thought struck me. I started to see how my school started coming into revival. It all has to start with somebody, something powerful. just like charleston did when he took north brooks. To me, logic, and common sense started to approach me. WISDOM, i believe started pouring into my life. I started to see how difficult revival would be with no one there to lead it. How sad and short lived it may be with a wrong life. Besides, if I can't accept what Sam tells me now, What makes me think I can accept what pastors tell me in future? If I can't humble myself now, what makes me think that I can bend before God next time? If I can't even submit to him who I can see, what makes me so sure I can submit to HIM who is now unseenable?

I started praying and planning my life strategising all I would do to go ALL OUT to be the best I can be for God! What Happened next was phenomenal.I shall never forget this moment from now on.


I hope that what I said and discovered really made sense and are words of wisdom. I am not perfect, but at least, I know where my heart sits in God. I live for the sole purpose to serve God and build HIs kingdom.

Ever proud of my dearest sister, a new addition in our family, Ling. May God continue touching her life, as well as many others just like hers.


FOREVER FAITHFUL,

Love,
Hannah

ONce AGAIN. but i will not falter.

Yeah, to all the people of the world, Happy Belated Mothers' Day.

Life is full of anxieties, and anticipation. Well, still on my heart today, just like ytd, I've been thinking through on and on about what Sam spoke to me about. I thought she meant it as a joke initially, but when she said she was'nt kidding, I started fretting. Have I really been so childish? I asked God to change me, my mentality, my attitude, my whole life. I want to win souls to Christ really. But have I been living up to standard worthy to be called a christian at all? Sam's right, call myself a admin. I'm definitely not fit to be one, it definitely isn't easy being one. I gotta consider the people from the Cg, even from my sch First even b4 I consider my bills. But, does it mean that I should give it up and just be an ordinary christian?

Does that give me the rights to backslide?

No. definitely NOt. For I truly believed that what I'm going through now is a test from God to determine how faithful I am to the little things. It is these little things that enable me to grow further more in God, to be able to accomplish the bigger things in life.

2b honest, i asked myself if I've even give my shot to be the best. My ardent answer is No.simple, sweet, direct, short.

I made up my mind to leave this place with a burning desire to serve and please God more. I don't care what the world throws at me now -Like Ivan said, just do, don't feel. Ya. I will grow even more, not shrink!


If that means, I need to mature, I need to mature. If it means that I need to be faithful to the little things inlife, I will be faithful! If it means that I have to keep doing it over and over again to remind myself, I WILL DO IT!!

Yeah! I wILL DO IT! :)

Please God, serve pastors. that's my only goal, dream and desire.

Love, hannah :)

I believe in the dreams and vision God gave to me

The death of my vision has partially occurred, however, I'll always remember that the day spoke to me, was the day I anticipated all these. Could I have heard from God wrongly? No I strongly believed as there was many evidences to proved God spoke.

there was the law of double mention, there was the peace. And I know that my God can never trick for He is always good. When God says I will prosper, I will prosper. My motive and intents?

It is more than just to support my family and let my mum RETIRE, I want to support the kingdom of God, and let my MUM also Build His kngdom not for her to relax and just end her life so meaninglessly. I think that I should pray more than I complain. hahas, okays, LOVE LOVE LOVE. God has chnged me, or I would'nt have been so open to corrections, besides, I would'nt have believed hard enough that my dreams, visions and aspirations WILL COME TO PASS so stronglt. No doubt, they may seem so idealistic, non-practical, but to be child-like, is to have faith in God. Is to truly believe that I play my part, the rest is up to God. That is the only logic that God has given me. As you know, And you can see that I'm pretty transparent about my life, besides, I am going to keep it this way, fearing that I'd be a different person, chnaged from the turmoils in life, I don't want.I want to remain with a heart that's pure, and genuine. That is what the heart for God means to me. That is to remain faithful to Him regardless come what may. Not faked, not facade, just pure, truthful and genuine. I am not perfect, neither am I self righteous, but I j=know that god has long forgiven my past sins and freed me from guilt. I have a free life NOW! :)

hahas, what an irony

Do you know what?
last night I had a long time thinking about my life and all that is happened and all that I am coming into. I could see myself really depressed. I prayed and asked God what I should do. I know I had been really playing along with the politics in class, yeah. sad to say that I had been really bad in the way i actually speak to ppl about another person, after awhile I felt really uncomfortable, and promted by the Holy Spirit to STOP. I knew that I had grieved my Spirit, and if I were to continue, I would eventually lose myself. So I prayed and cried to God, as i start typing, I can feel that God is leading me into His plans/ One, I totally stop complaining. Two, I apologise even if the opposite party was the one to be coplicating, Third, that is to frequently count my blessings above all, Fourthly, Just LOVE UNDESERVEDLY. -though I may seem to be on the losing end. Fifth, make my stand, stand strong on my convictions of God. Sixth, that is do some mental isolation, imersing in the Holy Spirit, and seek the HEART OF GOD. Finally, that is stop judging, and just move on in life, striving for excellence, not be involved in their conversations, and all. Take no heed to their schemes, and just be faithful on my course. LOVE, GOD, PEOPLE, LIFE!!!!

I have to admit, I had been feeling really lousy these few days, maybe bcos I was feeling proud in the first place. Besides all these, I think that I should stop being manipulasting, and scheming on situations, When God promises something, He does it. Its just a matter of time.

Still pondering about the situation last night. I know that I need to be realistic, but again, it is also idealism that keeps a person passionate. I don't think I'm going to take all that negativity from mum, though I admit, it was a fault on my part to talk so much. Perhaps, it was wrongly conveyed, but more than that, I really should'nt have reacted to my judgement. I should just have been magnanimous, and prayed with her no matter how bad I felt on the inside, no matter how self-centred I saw her to be. God reminded me - She's still human. So am I.

But I set my mind on not speaking so much to her, it was a flaw on my part knowing that she is not a very humble person, I'm like her, I am stubborn, and Kia su/ At times, I'm negative and many times I don't encourage, but instead speak death. This really taught me a few lessons :

1. I am not humble enough to accept critism
2. I am not confident in God enough to totally believe what He has given me
3. I am not loving enough to take all the nonsense from people


oh no oh no! I need to change! I need to broaden my heart, and mind, I need to further seek counsel from God, and wisdom too. I need to be wise and think before i speak or say anything/ God, You Got to HELP me PLEASE!!


Love, Hannah. I am still happy. :)

hahas, what ane irony

Touched to tears ^^ Cast your cares on the LORD~Psalm 55 : 22

Its been really long since i last blogged.

Life had really been eating my time, but it shan't stop me from pursuing my dream.

Days ago, pastor preached service for building fund plegde day 2008. It really touched my heart to see God using me to help pastors, and the tables around. Yes, I will keep and hold on to the promises I made in Christ, and I will definitely GIVE when I can. Never did I know that my testimony would touch others. But more than anything else, I pray that my testimony would never stop, besides, I pray ernestly that it will spur others to God more than before. Like my first building fund,it was really heartening to see God working in my life. Never before had I felt so good, Though life may not flow as how I want it to be, I may be caught in chaotic situations, but Jesus never fails to see into my wounds and heal it. Many times I've came broken hearted before Him, many times I cried into Him, He has really really stood by me, and NEVER failed to be faithful towards me, I pray m,y life and testimonies would be a great inspiration to the people around me, besides, I pray that all my life would serve and cater to God - administer to God like How the priests in the book of Ezekiel had to the LORD. I will never forget.

Love, Hannah

New Photos!!! :D

fine.

hey. I'm really fine

Its just tt I've been leaving a hectic life n yeah, sometimes, its really uncomfortable hanging around ppl who r just IMPOSSIBLE! they see things from a very very safe point of view. Not to say much, but wanna clarify tt I may seem small on the outside but really, i'm not, I got Jesus in my life! with God, all things are possible. tho u may not see it now, don't be realistic on me, I don't buy such stuff. you can say n try convincing me all u want, but no, i'm not taking it. I may seem to complan a lot abt life. But really, its just part n parcel of my life. I don't need you to tell me to SHUT UP> its my life, i choose, and decide what I want, not you. Stay out of trying to control my life. I have loads to do. no doubt, i may not be happie abt things, but I'm still loving life, God, and ppl more than ever, speaking is just a form of reliving, I'm not perfect, I'll let it out through expressions and words, but by and by, they r just BYGONES. so STOP intimidating me, and trying to be GREATER than me. rmb, I don't buy such stuffs.

Love,
Hannah :)

Its Fabulous! Monday! :D

hey ! hey.

today is a monday morning! thank God that i managed to complete all my stuffs - as in household chores, then, i can really study NOW.
hahas, the thing is i think i lost my momentum in studying already. no. I cant! help me God! hahas. ok i have nth up aft sch, so i'm going home to complete my homeworksZ! woohoo! I really really love God church and my family!!!!! Last discipleship was cancelled tho. hahs, really missed hearing from Ivan. I'll really grow when he speaks.. hahas, aiya, I must e a producer! of God's presence! a carrier of them all.. not a consumer!!! :))

okays! gotta go!
Love, hANNAH -

2 Corinthians 12:9

2 Corinthians 12:9
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.


Oh my I love jesus! no faking no pretending I ai'nt a hypocrite!

Life has been hectic but good, contracting, but satisfying. Loads of complains, but loads of relieve too. I know I have Jesus who does'nt mind my imperfections, but works on my character to let me achieve something greater in life! Love undeservedly, unexpectingly. Yeah. my purpose in Christ, my goal, For life!


Love/ hannah /going to CSE lesson! oh no! I have a pop quiZ!!! :0 xD

Matthew 5 :1- 11
The Beatitudes
1 And seeing the multitudes, He went up on a mountain, and when He was seated His disciples came to Him. 2 Then He opened His mouth and taught them, saying:
3 “ Blessed are the poor in spirit,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
For they shall be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
For they shall inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
For they shall be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
For they shall obtain mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
For they shall see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
For they shall be called sons of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 “Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. 12 Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.


So, after reading this, I think there's so much I ought to do la.
I always ask myself this : am I being christ-like in all endeavours of life?

yes i agree, life is not a bed of roses, but what is it that ppl seek for in life that makes it interesting?
Often, I see people calling themselves christians, but when they actually do the things they actually do, speak and behave the way they do, it really tells a lot on how close this person walks with God.

The truth shall set you free. I know that, its clear. I know that ya, the things that people say point out something different in life, but my question is, what do you actually stand for?

You know I was in the canteen earlier on, and was just thinking to myself, It does'nt need a smart, intelligent, nor knowledgeable man to succeed in life. All it takes is a wise man.

A wise man is someone who knows what to do, speak and say at the right time. You see, people, in life, there are many different kinds of people you face everyday. whether they are dominant in character or not.

It does'nt matter, what matters most is yourself/

as i type, I open my heart to correction too, I am very confident of myself that I am learning and not boasting. Neither am i trying to put people down, or preaching, trust me, the things i say and do are genuine and they are never an element to hurt others.

For me, I am not afraid to be called a christian, and I am not afraid to frequently mention about the wonders of God in my life. Although my life maybe in a bad situation, I will never forsake Christ for anything.

At least I know where my foundation lies in. I know where my rock of securities stands at. I know that I have hope no matter how dashed and blurred my future or path may fall apart to.

I may feel downcasted and out, feeling trembled, despised and all, but I am not afraid, for I know that within the iniquities, I have someone BIG, STRONG, and somebody who cares and loves me, holds me close within His heart that stands with me.

for clearly I know His words speaks :

1 Corinthians 4:4 (New International Version - UK)
New International Version - UK (NIVUK)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
"my conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me."


and... " if Christ is with me, who else can be against me? "

I'll forever remember His faithfulness, and I forever called to His purpose.

Love, Hannah

hmms, I love pastor Lia

Hi there!

wonder why my heading seem like an oxymoron? hahas. that's bcos hmms, is bcos i'm in the library again! and the girl b4 me was chased by the librarian for not booking the comp. I feel abit bad, like got the ppl into trouble.. hahas, but i think they ought to do the right thing. Besides, it was'nt me who asked the librarian to chase them away. Anw, I the thing that occupies my heart most was still yesterday's. the thing so wonderful abt yesterday was when the church celebrated Pastor Lia's birthday... hahas, the thing was i was supposed to go for mrs cho's service in CHC at like 10 plus lidat, the thing was i stayed up real late the night before, had truck loads of diareah** if its spelt lke that, and yahh.. OVERSLEPT. thanks-

I really missed out on this. hais, nvrm, i think i will go online to searc for that service's session. hahas. ehem, I was so touched to tears when we celebrated pastor's birthday.. no wonder she's the woman of God, and no wonder, Everybody loves her. The thing was though we put up everything for her, all that was on her heart was others, and not herself. Instead of glorifying herself, the whole congregation ended up worshipping God. Other than that, she really wanted us to pray for her mum. I think pastor's chinese is fabulous, and i think all of us ( HOGCians) ought to learn from pastor in this area. Though we may not be very good at this language, but we must always strive to keep our heritage -you nvr know when God will call you to minister in another language. yeah, so, this is my hypothesis. Oh btw, those chinese worship songs. I love them, so familiar, and close to my heart. I used to lead those songs in St paul's. I really love God, at least there's something i can identify with my pastors i nvr grew up with,yet, they're so close to my heart. I look forward to that day where I can personally serve pastors, whr i'll be close to their hearts, just like David and the 3 mighty men. With that, I want to make my stand, unless my spirit ascends to heaven to meet the Lord, forever I will remain faithful to the man and woman of God, I'll remain true to Jesus and His decrees forever. Thus, I have derived this to be my drive and motivation in life!

Love, Hannah

heye hey, you, you, i dun think i'm dying..

yeah, dying..
not really.
hahas, yesterday, i went to church after a rather short school schedule. wells, i went to plaza singapura to first meet priscilla, then melissa and Fedora.

hahas, it was pretty cool cos i tried to persuade prisc to come for PGSM preview. the thing abt yesterday is that i sorta went home earlier -altho it was like 9pm plus tt i got home.. i was supposed to study in church and leave with sylvia at 10pm. but the thing is that halfway thru my journey at PS, mum actually called me to go home earlier. She sounded furious initially. She said that i did'nt complete my laundry, and, many things happened today, thus, i had to go home early..
hahs, hmms, so i did as i was told, bcos, it was true i had to complete my laundry,but until now, i still can't finish it yet, it is tremendous load.. the thing is that i gotta rush again today bcos we have Pw mtg like after sch, but i appealed to leave for home first,i gotta finish my laundry, and... i gotta pack my bag for tmr, and, like pack my stuff to stay over at Gracia's tonight.. so exciting rite, but its so hectic..
hahas, it does'nt matter. i enjoy my life.
hahas, oh anw, i hung out with the leaders and rinnah in the office ytd. Let me say, Rinnah is really adorable!! i learnt many things also just by hanging around Nardine yesterday. I think i gotta learn to think like her, she is really fast, she thinks things like within seconds, and she's super efficient, plus,she carries a great attitude in life, always praising and positive even abt ppl who can't make it. Hanging out with her ah, ur morale SUPER HIGH arh.
hahs, anw, Ivan sprained his ankle, God, bless this soul. my leader, got injured, must pray for him and must also serve him, bcos he's a great man of God! okays, enough of sharing for now..
GP>>> LAte>>
hais..
hahas, cya!

so funnie.

so funnie.

i read my blog, i saw the date. 15 April 2008, Tuseday. wah. hahas, internet lag.

hmms..

and i worship you, lord
my life in you restored
here is my heart
make it your sanctuary

(listening to this song now, think i'm gonna use this song to worship jesus tonight! :))

currently waiting for another hour or so to go by.. i think life's really good in this sorta moment. I am free! to do anything i wanna do. i think its great! cos i noe tt at least, i won't waste my time away.

anw, i am sms-ing with my sec 3 classmate, it seems that she got into some problem with her friends in poly, I emphatize with her,so later i'm meeting her. but i think she really got bored with lessons, and started to chat with me via sms. hahas.
I'm praying hard now bcos i think she wanna take business in a local uni, but with such high standards, and her unrelated course, i think its possible to get her for PGSM, i think that I rather she went to PGSM than to other private universities. I trust pastors, besides, i think there's hope for this girl to know Jesus on a higher scale. I pray that her respond will be positive. hmms. hahas.


okays.. i'm back! wells, she said most probably can't make it la, but i still hope she can come.
hahas.

I can't wait! i can't wait!
life's so very exciting la! hahas. i'm gonna worship God tonight! i'm gonna worship god tonight!

oh, yeah, i just rmb, i need to find an article for sam, apparently, i can't find it online..
hahas, think i need to go find it manually..
hahs, alright, I'm off to do my stuffs! muhahahahaha...

can you smell what my life is churning???!! i'm gonna live for Christ! :D


PEOPLE OF CONVICTION, PEOPLE OF GOD!

woo hoo! its wednesday! :D

okays,

i'm currently in school. ouch, my stomach hurts! stomache, stomache. after this, i'm going to the toilet!

hmms, life's really great today. hahas, wait! its still the beginning of school. No wonder i am so happy! hahas, but i set my heart on doing my best. especially to strive for econs and maths! hahas. aiya! it's gonna be exciting! school's short today, plus! i'm going to meet prisc afterwards, to hang out! my darling! i miss her! hahas, den, i'm going to church to study! life's super happening sia..
hahas, okok.. my sin fei did'nt send me the work plan template :( hahas. hmms, nvrm, i'll try again another day..
hahs, alright, i'll come back soon.
its trashing time! :)

Love, hannah

whoosh! blessings!

hey! i'm back again!
hahas, as usual, life has really been HECTIC!! rahs!!
hahas, but its okays, i love life. i love ppl, and best of all I love God.

I think its really cool to be who i am todayl. I mean, i may not be the richest person on earth, i may not have the biggest house in life, i may not have the best material possessions on but I have the best in the world, that is Jesus Christ! I have a great family biologically and spiritually, academically wise, I am still getting to know the people more. I think that I need to stand more on my conviction and beliefs. Only God can satisfy my soul. Well basically everyday of my life, you'll hear testimonies after testimonies. hahas, yesterday, qi yuan and i were at north point having late tea, before i rushed of for Bm at church. I think she really needs to be convicted. Though a majority of people may not like her, but i still love her as my friend. Seems like I got really blessed recently.

The other day, I was just asking God how much I shud give for building fund this season. He dropped a figure of $100 in my heart. It was a little challenging as I got my SOF late this month, plus mum only gave me $30 for my allowance, I was really distressed at the beginning of the month fearing I had not enough to pay for my notes as i did'nt want to keep asking my mum for money, plus, I know she's really tight in budget. How could i just keep askin for money?? besides, i was expecting a decrease in SOF bcos i spoke to merryl regarding SOF, but things turned out unexpected. During my struggling season was wen God put that figure into my heart. ALL I DESIRED a heart after HIS. It was a painful pledge, but i did it anyway.

I also burned all my bridges upon turning back, and just pursued further into God. I cried out day and night asking God to miraculously put money into my account since there was only $2++ left. Then, it never came, though i felt down, but it did'nt affect my relationship with God, I knew God was with me. this is what He gave me :

Do Not Worry
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.



Then, faithfully, I stuck on to my promises with God. you know that day after Ivan shared about speaking life, hope, and faith, I believe that I had sinned against God by speaking down to people. I decided to change my whole life and revolve it around Christ.

I jsut had random thought the other day. I was thinking about our purpose in life. I was just thinking if ever God will really be as the bible speaks about. Infact, this has been a question stuck in my heart since a long time, its just that I never thought of it again until recently. To me, God is real, if not, at least in my life. He speaks to me, and he assures me, but let's also not forget that God has enemies, they are the devils, evil sources against His will. well, what I'm really concerned about is that of the life after my death. YOU KNOW WHAT? I thought and thought and came to a final decision that is no matter what the world may do to me, I will never leave Jesus Christ for deep in my heart, Christ is real, he speaks to me, and He protects and converse with me. Sometimes we even joke. Who says god is boring??

Then, there's the thing that frightens me most. I think the thing that frightens me most is not anything but myself. I am most afraid that I would deny Christ in times of persecution. The other day I was chatting with Liling on the phone, she asked me a lot of things bout christianity, but the thing that hit my heart most was when she ask me if I were to deny christ when somebody threatened to kill me. I convictedly said NO> she called me crazy, but I knew that God was happy with my answer. the thing about it is that I was thinking if I can't even stand strong for Christ now, what made me so sure that I would stand strong for Christ in trials and tribulations??

The same goes for my outlook in life. I suddenly saw a relation between this and my life. If i can't even live life right now, what makes me so sure that I will live life right in the future? what makes me so sure that only after I become a leader, things will not be the same? what make me so sure that life will be enjoyable once i become a leader? I thus had a philosophy, call it whatever you want, but I now believe that it does'nt come later until you get it now. THUS, i'm striving so hard to love people life and God as I want to be part of that movement that builds God kingdom. Now, life may be good now, but no, its gonna get better tomorrow! even if circumstances are not smooth, It will and forever will be great bcos I have Christ.

Anw, I had in total, $90 blessing this month apart from the $30, and $150 of my allowances,bcos of PGSM and mum and aunt blessing. Alright tell ya more again! Maths!!!!

Perseverence! It's all worth it!

hi ppl! i'm back!

I'm so glad to be back again! I must share about yesterday!
WELL, I think that life is really great. No matter how tough and tiring it may get, there's ultimately a reward to entertain! hahas. my muscles are aching all over, but I think its alright bcos I am really proud to share that I ran the 6 rounds continuously!! I'm so proud of myself!! Do you know why? You may wonder, its just a run, besides, its not a competition or what.. so why get all worked up for? hahs, let tell you, it may seem like an ordinary run to you, but to me, I could never achieve this without God and perseverance. I am known to be that sort of person to give up totally when I'm tired and all, but yesterday's run just proved that I can make it as long as I persevere!! hahas, now, I have lactic acid all over my body..
hahas, but i'm not going to let that stop me from progressing! hahas, Ivan's preaching yesterday was really awesome! Plus, I think i wanna pick up learning guitar, I wanna worship God with my guitar! :) Okay, I'll learn it! I'll do it!

I stayed up in church til 11pm last night just completing my database, although i'm not done yet, but, I met with the most magnificent of worship ytd! :) I gotta go!it's always GP lesson!!! hahas

CYA!

Up another level!! YEAH!

hahas,

Talking to Sam isn't that stressful now. I think its just the power of God la.
hahas, it was really wonderful having Sam talking to me. I realised how messed up I can really be. hahas, thank God Sam helped and explained to me. I was so All over the place. See, I need to 1st, get things worked in a systematic way, in order to save time for ppl and for myself. I need to think for others. Where a job can be done in just 10 minutes, taken by me, can extend to abt 30 mins. This, I totally agree, and I really learnt to humble myself, accepting this abt me. I know that it did'nt feel right, it did'nt feel good, but I just wanna grow. I'm gonna hunger for More, just do, and don't feel. Love will drive me on. hahas, I'm willing to learn and change!! :) Actually I feel really good having being discipled~! hahas.

Love, Hannah

AHH!

Well, well, I'm back again!

my my, I'm left with so little time to complete so so much things to do. Alright, whatever little time i have, I must use. hahas. eh, I just wanted to shared about how my chionese teacher shouted at me the other day. No doubt i dislike him, but to prove my worth, I will ATTACK the subject, just like how PST How said we should do as we face discontent circumstances. Funnie how, the girl beside me keeps laughing at what she sees in her computer.. I wonder what's going on.. ?? .. back to focus, I have lots to share about last saturday, but will cease this chance to do it til the nx time i come online again. I feel so S-I-A-Nx bcos, though i have a computer, but whe n i system recovered the THING, I realised that I had lost the serial no.!! hahas! crap right? hahas. here's some photograph that makes me smile.. enjoy!!

Past few days

Heya!

Feels really gd 2b back! I'm so excited 2 share abt my life these few days! hahas, life, as usual, has been rather busy, yet wonderful,and marvellous and excellent! Totally enjoyable despite the schedules. (: . Altho life had been rush and hectic, I can't find a reason to complain and just be down!

THURSDAY
that day was a powerful day. I finally saw terence in CG! otr than tt, I was surprised by the guest appearances of 2 new friends! they were darryl, and I can't rmb his name, but i noe tt he is lynn's friend. Altho sch had been tiring, I found joy hanging out with the ppl of God, and just enjoying the Spiritual atmosphere. I have nvr regretted coming t HOGC, infact, nvr ever regretted coming 4 CG since i 1st came! (:
SAm shared abt being loyal to God, church and pastors. This issue was on my heart 4 a very long time. I felt that I needed to break thru in this area bcos I had no confidence in trusting in ppl anymore since i suffered an utter severe case of backstabbing when i was in primary 6. She said that evrybody, even herself, honestly, would feel like giving up sometimes. She too, will feel tired and all. And I agree that I do feel this way many times. This really hitted my heart! I know that leaders are supposed to be better off than us, but no, God has given us leaders bcos he knew that they had gone thru these stages of life and emerged winners over the situations. that is why they are leaders. this really warmed my heart bcos my leaders are really human and they do feel vulnerable at times too! BOOMED! my heart gt HIT! GOD TOUCHED ME. not only bcos of that but I realized that when i make a promise to God, there's no more turning back. NO MORE> my bridges have 2b burned. I knew tt they were gone. that's why I felt God encouraging me to move on, and not stagnate, for I can no longer turn back again. I CAUGHT A LOT FROM SAM THAT DAY. this marked the day of the beginning of a huge vision bursting forth.

FRIDAY
it was really cool bcos i was told to write a testimony on my salvation. It was a privelege to me. Aft sch tt day, again! hahas, time was running faster then i. I had a mtg with Sam. My honour to hear from the woman of God, my leader! (:
altho it was only for that hr we hung out, i learnt to see things from the eyes of a leader. I learnt to understand things from the leaders point of view. Especially this point, whr i need to seek the Heart of God, and my start, WISDOM. to do everything right. to speak right, think right, and make the right decisions in life.

To my surprise, i m not offended or angry with when sam was discipling me abt my character. I was infact, ready to hear more from her. Perhaps, I needed t hang out more with her. That day, aft our hang out, I planned to meet liling for PGSM preview. Su shian came along, but left aft dinner. It was great bcos Liling signed up! I hope she sticks with this decision.

AHH ! I can't say more! I'm gonna collect my computer l8r on, n hopefully share more of life again.

DEAR GP time!!!!

on my heart

hmms, why do i feel so burdened now? why do i feel like i'm losing it all. The power and anointing is gradually fading. What's wrong?



I just came from my literature lecture, and decided to post about something upon my heart.



MONEY.
why does it seem like my enemy. Its so ironic. I detest it, yet I want it. Feels like its really a need in my life now.

Last night my mum was sharing about one of my sister in christ whose birthday just passed recently, got into a fight with her bro. This sister, I deeply missed. I was so dampened when i heard that she felt like nobody rmbed her birthday. This feeling I understand. I was so guilty bcos i am one of the many persons who forgot abt it, even a few days after i rmbed it, but nvr did anything, thinking that the youths might hv celebrated her birthday with her. I felt like buying her smth, showing her love, and caring for her. I should hv known.

However, it daunt upon me that my funds are EXHAUSTED. Who on earth can understand my feeling? I felt so helpless.

About 2 hrs back, my literature rep asked me to bring $42 for the lit text tmr. It has poked my heart since.I spent the money that was supposed to be used to buy the text. I can't ask mum to give me more. Though I admit, it was my fault bcos the complecent thought of receiving my monthly allowance of $50 could cover up the cost.

Apparently, my hopes are DASHED. Mum can only give me $20 this month, bcos she needed to pay for the bill,my bill. My irritating dad has not put in the money. We have to thrift a little this month. I feel bad. Very bad. I don't want to keep relying on SOF, the money could be used for more needy ppl than I, i feel. Built upon that, the guilt is partially also bcos of my over-spending of funds last month at the east coast chalet. All the presents, plus all the meals, nicknacs here and there. I'm really disappointed with myself.

Now, I'm left with a good sum of $2.75 in my a/c, maybe lesser. CRAP.



FAMILY.

hmms, I love my family, but sometimes I feel a absence in the family, no matter how much effort mum puts in bring the family together, it isn't whole. I have to admit, yes God is the HEAD, the father figure of the family, but I'm missing Him. I feel so stuffed up, like, I hold my tears back, cos I can't cry. My father. Does he knows what's he's doing? Does he even care about us? So what if once upon a time he was present. So what if he's a lawyer. I feel so much resentment even though countless time I've forgiven him, but the hurt is still there. I feel like a mad person forcing my tears back into myself, now as I sit here typing all this out. I'm in school by the way. But I will not resort to any hatred, since I made up ,y mind to forgive, and love. God, do you hear me?



LIFE.

I'm gonna end the post touching on life. Life has relly been rush. Its so rushed that i can't even stop to think and cry my troubles to God. Its like I won't be able to catch up with my school work- or rather life, from the realistic way- if ever I were to stop and think and do all the sorting out of thoughts and all. Just like how Ivan put it, chucked in a corner of your mind. I feel like I'm just doing and not feeling, but a fear it ws the wrong way. NOw. As I type, I am slowly sorting out my thoughts. I have a few question to answer. (by my friends) If ever they were to read this post, I hope that they'll understand that I may seem like a anti-social bcos many times what they speak abt, I m silent for it is just me. I am not a person to ber hypocrite, tho some may feel that I am, I can't be bothered in politics, or holding power-whatsoever. I'm just person who speaks what comes to mind, and if I knew it was'nt appropriate to speak, I won't utter a word at all. All I seeked for was good friends. Where the relationship is not a facade but genuinity. Something that was positive. Insecure? of cos, different ppl has different levels of insecurities. But of cos, I won't allow my insecurities to overwhelm me. Yes, you asked me how i'm able to survive with $50 a month. Amazingly, Yes I am able. Although its so little, but I must give God all glory, for enabling me to not need More. No doubt, I receive a sum of $150 from SOF, a church ministry, but I don't intend to take it my allowance. I will return it when I earn money. I WILL DEFINITELY GIVE TO THIS FUNDING MINISTRY. Yes, hurt I may be, shamed I have been,but I'm not motivated to backslide from God. Yes, I may not feel Him now, or many times, but it is true that He's here and always here. I can't only love God bcos he bless me, but I love Him bcos I love him, and bcos I love Him, I will not give up hope, and loving ppl undeservedly, tho many reasons I hv to hate them, but simple bcos Jesus loves, I will love too. I may feel angry and displeasure with many ppl at different times, but ultimately, I will not backstab anybody bcos I believe in love. my my, I was supposed to do some research on PW, but look. I'm left with only 1/2 hr for my research and revision. If ever I were to bcom a great person, I will never give up hope on the little ppl. Little did I begin with, little will i not give.

PRE MADE DECISIONS

A lawyer. I will be better.
A christian, I will be my best.
A daughter, I will give my best.
A leader, I will pick the rest.

A sister, a friend, i will defend.
And as for christ, is eternal STAND.

Once touched, forever I'm touched. I love Jesus.

2 Samuel 1:14

What a day! I decided to dow my blog ALL over again! I think its really a significant moment now that I can start everything again! Well, I was on the bus and asked God which book i should read. Amazing thing was I recceived the word Samuel. Cool! I checked with the Holy Spirit and it was confirmed that I was to read the book of Samuel after I flip to my day's devotion.:) Isn't that cool? hahas, I think while all the world may despise me, or persecute me for making my STAND in Christ, I decided that nope. no more being pushedover. I'm gonna stand for Christ no matter come what may! School, oh my! I think I have the maddest GP teacher.. for goodness sake, she is nice, but does'nt it occur to her that we, students, are also HUMANS, and we also have our lives to lead?? Can't ALL teachers just be compassionate and just like spare us from the tons of homeworks? hahas, oh boi.

ITS OK, ITS OKAY. I Shall ATTACK it!

Think I can't? hey c'mon. PPl out there, get a life man! Life is abt attacking and not wasting it! I'd love to sleep and rest too, but no! that's not gonna happen. I hate it when ppl waste their llives away.. might as well give me your time so I can use it for a greater cause. hahas, I'm stating a fact.

Oh alright, still can't get over the shooting star incident, I REALLY SAW THE SHOOTING STAR! hahas, whatever the case, hahs, I know that I saw it, unless what I saw was buzz lighter shooting past my eyes.

literature test was'nt difficult, but yeah, it was'nt easy too. What I can conclude is..........
actually, I also don't know. hahs, whatever it is, i just trust it into God's hand.. You know you can NEVER go wrong when you live it into God's hand. hahas, One thing I really learnt Alot, is to trust in God, like what Ivan said, if you wanna be a christian, might as well be the best one. MAKES MUCH SENSE. does it mean $$??
hahas, oh boi. ONLY INTELLECTUAL, and smart ppl, with gd sense of humour like "ehem- ME" can understand my jokes! whadever, I've still much more to go!

School was boring, but God's words never fail to SURPRISE! me.

Back to focus, I was reading the book of Samuel and i came to this verse of chapter 1, and I was really impacted by it. I mean, its wisdom I got from here. it may not appear to be some kind of *WAH verse, but to me, it really meant a lot, especially to ppl like me.

the verse went like : 14 David asked him, "Why were you not afraid to lift your hand to destroy the LORD's anointed?"

SIMPLE. but it pierced my heart.

Let me give you a brief introduction. The beginning of 2 samuel is the part where describes how king Saul died, perhaps, many ppl- including me, like to take matters into our own hands. i learnt a really important lesson from the word of GOD>

the story goes like this, there was a amalekite, who happened to pass king saul who happened to be strucked down by a spear, and looked closed to his death. This man, thinking he was kind, came before king saul and asked if he could do anything for him, before he died. King saul, being in pain, told the man to end his life. the stupid man, killed king saul, and after so, returned to report his death to David who was to become the next king. When king David learnt about saul's death, he and his ppl mourned with him for sometime, when he recovered from mourning, he asked the man who he was, and the man was killed after David said : "Why were you not afraid to lift your hand to destroy the LORD's anointed?". My my, I got a shock when I saw this.

Why? you may ask, bcos, the man, "was trying to be kind" but got his just rewards for killing God's anointed. Here's what I learnt :

1. no matter how bad the person may be, if he's God's anointed, even if he isn't, Never ever take the risk to lay hands on that person, God will always seek revenge. That means, in my case, I just got to trust God and move in the Spirit, not taking things into my own hands, cos I'm not god.

2. I got to be wise with what I do, I must never take the glory for myself. Look, the man probably was expecting some kind of reward for removing Saul, for David. But this has really taught me to ALWAYS remember that God looks at the heart and not just surface.

Oh alright, I still have SO MANY assignments to complete!!! hallelujah! I'm going off! SAYONARA!!