touchedF0REVER

are u really true? :)

2012-02-01T02:00:00.000-08:00

well well well, i'm starting to erase him from my life already. took me that long and that much effort to get over him. i guess, it's time to move on and rough it out in life. That man, will always be my best friend, because we never had the courage to move further than that anyway. Nevertheless, i do wish the best for him.

As for me, i have known a new person who i find really attractive. It's funny how the first time i saw him, i somehow felt that i would know him someday. Turns out that as time passed, we have so close backgrounds. He was from my secondary school, a friend's older brother, and he is indeed a gentleman. From who i've known him to be, he's really very nice. Known him for awhile but he has already sent me home a few times. Though he doesn't seem to have a lively life like how hay used to, he's like a guy with quiet confidence. He's cool and straight forward too. The thing i really admire about him is his gentleness despite him in the elite - OCS. His boyishness and innocence too. They make me smile. It's funny how things seem to be working out between us, but i always wonder in my heart, can i really have this man? :) But we have yet to know each other deeper, but i guess there's lots to discover. Thank God i found friend in such a climate. He clicks with me in a lot of things, perspectives etc. And the plus thing, he's fit too! :) :) it's my motivation to keep fit too! That's why we're gonna run tonight! :) Love hanging out with this friend. ;)

Love,
Hannah
Building quiet confidence.

Still thinking about you no matter how hard i try to forget you

2012-01-05T00:28:00.000-08:00

HYH, i still can't forget you no matter how much i try to. You are on my mind so often i can barely give any other guys any chance. you have been the one on my heart since i dunno when, but when you are there, the door's closed on the other men.

I do not say this proudly, but i seriously miss you so much. If what Kok hong told me was the truth, then hurry tell me that. You barely know what truely is going on. you barely understand what's on my heart. you only stepped into the thorny grounds of my heart, you haven't seen the roses and the beauty just as yet. If only. if only you wanted me as badly as i want you. If only i were a man, and you were the lady. If only i had not fallen so deep into this, if only you liked me more than i liked you...

I always believed in you anyway, and i never saw a loser in you to begin with. I always saw a potential. Somebody i identified with. your presence in my life has cushioned my world, you away from me, makes me feel like a goldfish out of water, like a little chick out of its nest. Hay, where are you. don't be gone from me. I will stay apart from your world watching you. you mean a lot to me, because i cannot be so selfish. i cannot want. But i just need to air how much i miss you here. It's my only way of letting my little heart cry out silently. Nobody knows, nobody asks me or talks to me about you. Nobody. But i miss you no matter how far apart you seem to be from me.

Love,
Hannah
Silenced lovelorn

burning bridges

2011-12-29T01:34:00.000-08:00

honest thoughts,

i miss some people in life, but i have to kill that.

Pretty happy with the way things are, they don't seem to care anyway, and i don't have to care about them either. i choose not too.

They seem to be living fun and enjoyable moments, i too will make my life an enjoyable one. I don't have to live for others. I don't have to bother about them. Just live a life of acquaintance like. Maybe something closer than that. But so long as there's a chance to get back, i would. :)

Trust me, the strength is building in me now. i'm picking myself from scratch & i guess that's probably how i am going to live my life.

People may look at me differently, but those who know me, will know the real me.

It's time to be who i was meant to be anyway! Go for it Hannah!

No more turning back, no more slowing down, no more moments of folly.

There will come a day where people will see me in a different light, a different altitude and be impressed. (:

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

- They don't know who they are dealing with.

keeping it at status quo

2011-12-15T01:52:00.000-08:00

Hey there~

i'm just feeling so hyped up about life.
No worries, no weight, no baggages.

First things first, i just think i should get my finance issue sorted out.

But i think i must allocate more time to spend with my family as well. hahahaha

Life's getting a grip these days.

hahahahaha

back to getting some plans done.

Talk again.

Love,
Hannah

not a grudge bearing person. real me is coming out :)

2011-12-13T22:08:00.000-08:00

Hmms,

i've been pondering alot and i finally understand why i asked to be taken out of leadership. Point noted, i cannot live my life and be a good example to the people. Probably, i'm as good as a backslider. hahahaha i am not gonna be so dumb anymore. i guess, it was probably the right choice to take this break, and step back to see where i am heading towards, and what i wanna do with life.

i guess, immature people will never understand.

Anyway, i've chosen to forgive and let go and forget. HAHA expand my heart a little bigger because i'll stifle if don't and, well, i have many good friends in life, so just live life a little happier. Friends come and go, but family matters most.

That's priority for now. :)

Love,
Hannah

la la la la la. its a new day, its a new way. its a new life. :D no regrets

2011-12-01T23:55:00.000-08:00

It's a beautiful day, it's a beautiful way...

i just bought a pair of running shoes! i think it rocks!

Life has been great even without having some people in my life.
Even though i miss them, but, truth is, fact the fact, face life and embrace my future! :)

well, i'm coping with life, and getting happier.

i like my workplace, colleagues and new company of friends. :)
i'm learning so much more about life and opening my realm to a whole new
world and understanding. Embracing adulthood isn't that bad afterall.

Plus, i'm in the prime of my life where i am trying out new stuff, fun and
frivolous. But, my friends don't wanna bring me go clubbing :(
Nevertheless, i'm making a trip down to the clubs someday soon.

it's a life goal to step into a club at least once and go crazy.
THAT'S WHERE THE REAL TEST COMES. nevertheless, values will always be values. Whatever people may think and say, i don't really bother, what matters is i know what i am doing isn't wrong. it may not be a good thing, but it is not wrong :)

Anyway, let me introduce some friends i have right now:

frequent hangout gang:
David - the funny guy who always tries to match make people together. i hope these plans of his fails. :X but he is also a very good friend. He helped me get facial products to make my skin better in his own opinion. *touched.
Xue Wen - David's girlfriend. Cute girl, met her once.
Timothy - Funnie dude who always understands David very well!
Nicholas- a very good cook. ;D he drives too.
Matthew - my friend who always accompany me so willingly! he is the nicest friend i have here. he helped me get groceries, rent vcds, accompany me to the gym even though he was really tired, gave me a toy hamster called "potato patches" before i went to malaysia, and did so many nice things for me. hahaha great friend! :)
THEY ROCK. they are very good friends, who will do almost anything and everything with me! but we don't go crazy. we just laugh at very frivolous stuff! great humour here :) some of them drive, so it's also a good thing! we can go crazy ALL THE WAY :D

close friends:
Nick - my cheeky, crazy, messy and wacky brother who is also my listener. He listens to my problems a lot, but doesn't help. bcos he can't help much also, but at least, i know i have a great crazy buddy who identifies with me, and he is THE person to do crazy and fun stuff with -- PARTAE!

kayfong - recently met him to attend our primary school classmate's wedding. We went to chill out after that and.. hmmms. i think he's not a bad choice, but i am taking things slowly too. infact, i just want to be free, not tied down by relationships etc. just wannabe myself yet having company to do stuff and also know that someone's there to protect me. :) he's good! :) yays, looking to chill out with him over the weekends! :)

Sebastian - he texts me often to find out how i am. i guess, he does that to many other people too. But we joke a lot of crazy stuff together. hahahahaa, should hang out with him one day soon :)

Kok Hong - this is my 2nd best friend after my breakdown with my 1st best friend. he was the one who called me out and listened to my problems and encouraged me, and also the one who saw me cry. He too had his set of problems, but he was there for me. not my type, but a very very good friend :)

Though my 1st best friend was a very good friend, but he doesn't seem to understand what being a best friend is about. he doesn't seem to care about things here. So, screw all of these thoughts and memories about him. and her (ex best friend), and just live my happy family life :) :)

no more leadership worries, no more friendship stresses!

Love,
Hannah

Here is my life in a summary. Like living a life without worries :D
i'm living my life.. :)

Seeking who i really am

2011-11-20T19:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, i really wonder who i really am. from the inside and the outside. Who has the power to influence me in my life's decision, and what i can do in life. i am a rebellious person by nature, i have made many wrong decisions in life, loved the wrong people, believed in the wrong people, trusted the wrong people, what else worse have i've done? thrown my face and dignity to the ground by trying to take matters into my own hands. Placed myself in a very precarious situation where i am stucked with facing people. i can no longer bring myself to face whom i once loved so dearly. I cannot blame these people, and i am not angry with them because it was my fault to begin with. And, everything was my fault, when i'm angry with them, i'm not really angry with them, i'm more angry with myself because the Root issues lies in me.

But right now i miss God so much. I miss just dwelling in His presence, in my secret place, in the place where my altar was built, i missed those quiet moments when i know i had not done anything wrong, and i was in ease & favour. i missed those moments where i had stopped looking at my lack and started looking into people's needs and prayed for them, ministered to them, being their pride and glory. Being His pride and glory. But can i get back there after sinning so much? after doing so much against God? after hurting Him and the others around me? can i be redeemed?

dwelling in quiet corners in reminiscences

2011-11-17T23:40:00.000-08:00

So much has happened in the last season, and here's me surviving all those crap and speaking what truly matters on my heart.

The things i wish to speak and scream, if i could, straight in your faces, are the things that i would say right here, right now, and i would let it rest in me, because i have already transited to a position i cannot go on further anymore. So, if you hear me, hear my cry, hear my voice, hear my frustrations and learn from them because these are the bits of my youth you would hear until i next find my purpose in life.

What do i want in life? i don't even know.
What do i seek in life? i really don't know.
What do i love in life? i'm starting to not know.
What do i treasure in life? memories. good memories. real good memories

if you hear me, hear me.
Everyday i fight a war against my thoughts just thinking about you, and how i loved every moment i spent with you, whether they were good or bad. i cherished those moments because spending my time with you made me happy, simply because i could be myself, i could just be myself. Even if it meant not being with you, or getting into any relationship with you, but just having to know that i had a best friend that was always there for me, one i could depend on when i was down, when i felt that there was no more hope in life to go on, one that would encourage me, one that i would teach new things to, and learn new things from, one that gave me the courage to carry on. One that i would be proud to call my best friend, one that becomes just like a big brother, one whom i can count on when guys bully me, or one that would ask me for counsel when you faced a girl issue, one that can scold me when i was not seeing things rightly. One that would point me to God everytime i was swaying. One that would be proud to be my best friend despite me being a girl. you were that person in my life i was so proud of. Even though i knew that there was a possibility i'd get hurt having to know that you'd like someone else someday, and eventually marry another person someday in life, but i was ready to accept them all.

i just could not accept it when you could not face me like a friend and tell me what was truly on your heart. you had to go through another person who was not tactful, and was no longer close to get the message to me. you had to do that to make me seem i did not matter to you at all and get through somebody else. it tears my heart right from the inside. you ripped my heart torn just when i thought muscles were starting to grow out of it.

i was stupid to even think that i could live on with this hurt brewing within me. I was stupid to think that i should keep keeping my world open to you so that you will overcome that awkwardness and treat me like your real friend even though i know that i will be hurt. But this hurt that came is so unexpected and caught me unprepared and it stabs me so hard that i can barely bare it. i cannot take that pain, i was thinking that pain killers would relief that pain within, but it didn't, and it could not. My heart is broken, not just wounded. All i really wanted from this friendship was the truth, even when i know it hurts a little. i wanted a true friend. a real friend who would not give me a blow the way you did.

And honestly, i am angry with you because i am hurt by you, but i still love you very much, and treat you as my best friend very much. Just like how i was angry with my mum but i loved her very much. I guess, i love you very much like an older sister, even though i am younger, but i am concerned with the things that you do and do not want you to be like any other losers. you are different, you are special and your growth means a lot to me. you were a little chick in my hands that God told me to gently let go so that you would be able to grow in Him. i let go, but i need to see progression in your life, or else all that i ever believed,did or thought was obselete. you need to overcome your problems but do it responsibly.

i'm no longer a leader because i am not a leader to begin with. i had always wanted to live a comfortable and quiet life, not one that would make me to the frontpage of newspapers and magazines. It was once my yearn to do that because i wanted to prove to my dad. but that's no longer what i want because i'm not a happy person being constricted with the code of conducts that i was never bred with. i just want a simple and happy life. One that occupies my time without having me to compromise my values yet allowing me the sense of satisfaction. i loved my life, until i had too much on my platter. i did not hid God's signal for me to rest and break, i took too much on myself and now i lost it all.

i have to climb my way back to where i came from, but it will take a while to heal my wounds inflicted by the different things in life. it has been brewing since sometime back, but yours was the final blow.

Nevertheless, i hope everything's fine with you, your mum's foot, i'm concerned, i would something if i could, not because i want to please her but because she means something to me, because she is your mum. And your bro. They make me feel like life is very simple. i don't have to worry about other things in life. That feeling that i get when i spend with my family. The feeling that family will always be family.

i know i'm very emotional and sentimental, but i guess, going through so much in life has taught me that i can't take things in life for granted. i learnt my lessons the hard way, and i really wish i can talk with you, laugh and joke the way i used to not having to worry if you'd get the wrong signals, nor you having to worry whether i get the wrong signals. Letting it be natural between us.

Finally, you were never a loser to me, you were never a lousy person, you were never a slow or stupid person to me, in fact, you were the best in my sight. Even your character, it was not ugly.

All these times i felt uncomparable to you, despite my qualifications and stature that i held in leadership, despite my so-called "success". I had my pride though, and i had this weird thing in me that caused me to wonder if i could ever find the right guy because i am not a committed girl by nature. i'm a judgmental person. i cannot love a man for real, because i'm very sensitive to people's habits and very unaccepting of them when it collided with my habits. That was my problem.

That was why i felt so mocked and insulted when you got through somebody else to say that we cannot be together because you felt i deserved better. it was what i viewed as a cruel rejection from my best friend(s).

Whatever the case, what's done cannot be undone, my heart still aches a lot, and it still yearns to come closer to you, but you won't let me into your world, and i shan't try to pry into it, i just have to find my own world and perhaps someday grow over this pain and let my muscles build in me. Maybe we'll be able to talk again someday. Nevertheless, you have successfully made me fear to open my heart to any friends already. They have all become 2nd degree friends and my heart for men has officially closed. I must Thank you for helping me become a nun. I will see you soon. i will expand my circle of friends because i am so stifled in this position now that i have officially lost so many friends from this occurrence.

Take care my dear friend

Hannah has died since the day she went into hospital. The new Hannah is somebody everybody won't like until she matures. God has to try to catch my attention but i have pleaded that he let me find who i am trying to be before anything else. Maybe i'm crazy, maybe i'm not. But i need to readjust and recaliberate my system such that it doesn't fail again.

Love,
Hannah

lost

2011-09-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

hmms.

Once again in my place of solitude. i guess, its the best place i get to express myself - the true self. A weak, flaw-full, back to the truth, a human. No matter how much i am a leader in life, the truth remains, i'm still human at the end of the day. I do the right things, do the wrong things, make mistakes, fall in love, fall out of love, get frustrated, get emotional, feel depressed and then i get happy all over again.

Technically, i've officially become 21 years of age, i'm no longer young, no longer a child, no longer a protected individual. However the more i move on, the more i feel small about myself, the more i feel like i'm not maturing but backtracking.

The older i get, the more confused i become. The more i feel for people yet, insecure about the choices i make in life. I start to think of things i've never thought about in life, the things that have not bugged me in a long while.

Take for example the other day, it was my birthday, and the truth was, its the most miserable birthday in my entire life on earth. Honestly, i've never felt so lonely before. Birthdays used to mean so much to me, but this time round, it was more of a meaning i wanted to find in this 21st year of my life. I appreciate my mother's effort of taking me out on a one-on-one time with her, and i certainly enjoyed the presence of my best friend that was once upon so close with me, but somehow had our friendship strained in life. Nevertheless, i felt that she was the person who could understand me despite our distance for a long time. Values and goals might have changed, but somehow, that was still a connection in understanding. I so wished we were back to those days of innocence and talkativeness crapping our way thru the night. Still, i thank God for her and another friend who truly spent time with me.

Not to deny the truth, i was really disappointed and sad with what had happened on that day. him who was supposed to be my best friend, i don't know whether on purpose or not turned my invitation to catching a movie down. The truth is this, he really had the choice to say no, and i honestly had no right to be angry or upset, whatever the case, but i just got very disappointed anyway. I felt like a miser in life, and not the first time in life, in fact many times i felt the greatest fool on earth because of him. I was honestly angry with myself for having been angry with him because for him to be my best friend was my choice, not his. I honestly felt that i was putting him in a spot that he doesn't deserve. And i didn't know what she told him to awaken his conscience, i felt that it was all too late when he turned up because in my heart, i was stabbed through and through again.

i guess what i'm saying is unfair and it hurts me as much as i type these words out, i feel that this gulf between us isn't so simple. sometimes i feel that being his friend is such a blessing, but also many times i feel forced to drop all these thoughts and go back to square one. i'm such a selfish person. so selfish that i'm starting to be frustrated with myself. i see the ugliness in me that i feel so much like hiding in a cave and just not talk to anyone, not think about all these frustrations. But i guess the only way out is to let God heal my pain. Such a weakling. such a pathetic person... but i guess i'm still choosing to love.

I bet Jesus must have felt that way when i rejected him time and time again whenever i failed him because of my carnality. Yet, He was able to love me still. So, if that was what He did, i will, by His strength, do what He did.

This man, he doesn't know what i'm thinking, he doesn't see what i see... Well, let me tell you what i see in this man. he isn't a small person, he isn't the heartless sort. i don't see him because of his muscles, fitness nor achievements. what i saw, was his heart. his heart for people. i saw a strong building foundation in him. i saw the wisdom of a man whom had not been unleashed, the potential of a responsible man, the security he could give and a commitment he would put into his wife, children and family. a man i can trust and i know i can submit to. The love for his dad and mom and brother, more importantly, for God. i see silent convictions despite his outward appearance of being swayed. A respectable despite his talkativeness, yet i see a hero. my hero. a non-replaceable hero. he might not see himself that way, but that was what i saw. the very first time i made my mind that he was gonna be my best friend.

well, i need to grow out of my world. he has his choice in life. and i will respect it no matter how much my heart hurts. at least i know that i let that little chick go out of my hand gently and handed it to God.

Now i feel much better. But i feel like a lousy leader. My people are astray, living their own lives. I need to be broken even more. lost with what i want to do with my life.

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG
*tired but still running

Humbled by His love

2011-08-23T11:46:00.000-07:00

Today was a fun and tiring day, but i am really awed and happy.

Indeed the joy of my LORD is my strength. :) i feel so fortunate being a child of God. He has led me through my life, He has brought me through my trials, He has taught me to be an over-comer even when i couldn't understand the challenges of my life. Indeed my God is a good God. I am just so awed at how i just simply cried out to God that i was so desperate and needed a breakthrough financially, and He took it so instantly. i am so happy that my confidence and trust has been in place even in my storm.

Then comes the part i need to express, i read sylvia's blog, and i was appalled at the comments that small ppl are living on her blog, and just so annoyed at their indifference. Nevertheless, despite the distance between sly and myself after a long long time, i still love my friend, and just can't tolerate it when ppl aim and bully her. I, out of my kpo-ness, stepped out to reply very direct msgs in the tag box. I have officially declared war, but i will do it wisely. Nevertheless, i hvnt stood out for anyone so fiercely in a long while. All these little things abt fighting for ppl bcos they are faced with childish ppl should come to a halt soon. But for now, i have to remind myself why i'm standing for my best friend.

She was the that talked to me when i was down and considering sliding away. but she came in to eradicate all bad thoughts, we would talk til 4am in the morning and forget about going to school. She would be very direct and noisy at times, but she was never a person who would betray me. She would stand up for me when ppl shot me with their words, and we would protect each other from baddies. hahahaha, miss those days where we were still so child-like and less complicated and less busy.

But i guess time passed so soon, we grew distant as our motivations in life differed and perhaps lesser things to talk about. but well, i guess that's life. we all have our decisions to make and we all were given the sovereign choice to decide what we want in our lives. God is a good God.

Finally, i just have to THANK GOD FOR so so much He's done in my life. The favour of God and men in my life surpasses so much i can ever ask for. God has brought me to a place where i am truly humbled. truly can't imagine the love of my colleagues and family for me. I may not have a complete family, but i have the perfect things and situations put in place for me in my life. He will mould me, He will pull me through, He will gently lead me on :)

THANK YOU FATHER. :)

Always will be an Empire Builder For God :)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

AWE. inspired, motivated

2011-08-17T17:24:00.000-07:00

THE COMPETITION IS FINALLY OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

but the better news is that we won it! :)
i am seriously awed at the way God has worked to bring us through.

Right now, i dare to say one thing, i am seriously humbled. i daren't even think that credit belongs to me or the girls simply because we could not have gone so far, pushing through it without the Hand of God.

Indeed, seeking first HIS kingdom is priority.

I am so thrilled. i can't believe that our dreams are being built here in the place where dreams are built! Indeed, what finalist Christine said was very true that SI challenge was more and beyond the business itself but really about the hearts of our Pastors and judges for us! :) I love my Pastors very very much. :)

I see God's promises for my life coming to pass! I believe that God will take me through the next step in my journey as an entrepreneur! :)

MARK my words, i will live to remember this day because its this day where i know where my grounds are. :) I LOVE MY GOD.

I love my high call, i love my ministry, i love my Pastors, i love my leaders, i love lambs, i love my company, i love my friends, i love my life! :)

Going through failure to be able to taste success. :)

BUT GREATER THINGS HAVE YET TO COME. :)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

Thinking

2011-08-14T12:48:00.000-07:00

There's always thoughts lingering on my mind at the end of each and everyday. i guess i think a lot. really enjoyed today. treasuring every good moment i spend in life cos i never know when i'll ever get it back again. i will just taste the goodness and linger on it as i move on in life.

Some thoughts i have today, love is a decision. Making it work out is a decision. Marriage is indeed a risk and a responsibility, and it takes courage for it to happen. It takes love, truth and trust to bring it forth. It is an honour to be married. But before fantasizing anything, i gotta get my act together and grow to be a more mature and responsible person. It takes courage to be vulnerable all over again to love despite encoutering so much in life. I guess, i've been called to love all over again.

love, is the greatest gift we can give to anyone. We need to grow in love.

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

Perspective. Love. Trust.... perhaps my greatest gift. is still God

2011-08-09T13:45:00.000-07:00

Here I am
True worshippers youth

Verse 1
Here I am worshipping with my soul
And my heart rejoices in You
'Cause You are my God, my shelter
The tower of strength all my days

Verse 2
All the things I can do
It's all because of You
There's none of me, it's all of You
So here I am worshipping You

chorus
You are my God, You are my light
Shine on me bright, so I can see Your way
Teach me oh God
To rest myself in You
Lead me on, 'till I find my way home to You

ending
You are my God, You are my light
Shine on me bright, so I can see Your way
Teach me oh God
To rest myself in You
Lead me on, lead me on, lead me on, lead me on
Lead me on, lead me on, lead me on, 'till I find my way home to You

busy life. tired moments. unrested moments.

trying to finish my final business proposal which is way past my dateline. i thank God for grace. will just continue doing my research and finish up my proposal after i'm done airing my thoughts and heart here.

meaningful life i'm finding as i continue to run my race. i guess, life is really full of surprises and uncertainties. but that is where i learn the difference between those who have God and those who don't.

For me, i have God. my securities are anchored in God, i have purpose in life, and i value the deeper and greater things in life. i have come to realize that as i began to get more and more exposed to society, there are different hierachies in society and i thank God that i have the opportunity to rise above the average. living life with God has really taught me to see from a different perspective where my non-christian friends can't. they let insecurities boil down into their spirit which rouses the insecurities and paranoia in their lives. boyfriend issues, fear of losing her bf to another girl...

thank God i now see beyond the surface. its pointless to keep living in paranoia because what will happen will happen, and what doesn't happen, won't happen. Just live a blameless life, that's what i believe.

I really really Thank God for my life. and the things He has given to me in my life. Seriously, without Him, i think i'd be wasted by now.

i said that because i had been so exposed to so much worldliness these days i feel that i sometimes can't breathe in my position, i just need to get hold of what i have always sought, my strength and security.. my pillar.

Thank God for building my character and convictions and to stand firm. To see beyond my perplexities and desperation adn even in times of frustrations.

Thank God for close friends who will talk with me, listen to me and give me wise advises. Thank God for family that loves me. Thank God for a best friend who stands by me. Thank God for tenacity that pushes me upwards. Thank God that He hears me whenever i cry alone in my space.

i have nothing else to say except to really Thank my God for the great things He's working in my life.

However, i have a thought about somebody close to my heart. Here's it, I believe in him, i trust him and that's why many times i don't probe. And sometimes though i looked irritated with him, i'm actually not. i love him with the love of Christ and that's why i feel secure at life.
i will say that i'd respect his space and his peace even if it meant my standing to protect him. For the many things he's done for me, i'm truly grateful.

Though sometimes in my own time, i'd miss him, hanging out, joking and just talking about life, but i will not dismiss my sense of propriety and bug him because i would think it to be irritating? *just thinking in his shoes though. i wouldn't even want to pick faults with him despite his imperfections. And though i hear different stories from people, and all the discomfort from them, i still trust him very much... simply because i believe in him and even more so entrusted him into God's hands.

Indeed he has a lot to grow in, but i'm not despising him. infact i will still choose to stand for him who has stood for me. his choice and decisions, i guess there's a valid reason behind him, he isn't a gullible or naive person and is pretty wise person. Whatever happens in life, i will choose to stand by him because i remember my promise to God. The promise of letting this little chick in my hand gently go that it may grow in Him. I know that he has a good heart and has grown in his character. Just needs to let God continue moulding him, and also myself.

Final thing is that if there were something i wann him to know is that he doesn't need to try to be somebody he isn't because who he is, is who we love. a genuine change occurs from within not on the exterior, and God chooses the meek and humble, the non-attractive or rather "unloud" things in the world to exalt His name, those that are broken to Him. i love what God loves and i will stand by my dear friend.

Indeed i am not one to torment people i respect. perhaps God brought me up that way, so for me, what's mine is mine, what isn't mine, isn't mine. But i'm waiting for my promised one, the one man i will love and be happily married to my entire lifetime whom God has set apart for me. But even if he doesn't appear, i'm happy enough to be able to live an abundant and blessed life alone on earth. Life is also fun alone. :)But up to then, i will keep my heart pure and guarded.

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

Thoughts. keep it right there

2011-06-11T11:32:00.000-07:00

Well,

just thinking and thinking and thinking. There's so much to contemplate. Guess as life persues, people change. Even my values and taste change. Despite all the changes, there's one thing that remains the same - the things close to my heart.

Just considering my life, looking back and seen how far i've come, i am really awed and grateful for the things that God has brought me through in my life.

Church, Family, Friends.... even closer friends.

Awkward, sometimes i get awkward facing some people, but i just gotta step out of it and embrace a life full of anomalies.

Love, relationships, fear. They come together. but the good news is that with those comes trust. Well, when will Mr darcy ever come by me?

until that day comes, i will keep myself pure and guarded.

Thoughts. who will dare step out and come clean with me. who will i see and choose, depends much on who He will bring into my life.

pre-made decisions. they will guard my life.

everything appears and comes for a reason. they are engineered. i shall be sieved and proven pure.

right heart, i know i have. build my own altar, i know i have done it too.

i thank God for my life once again.

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

time to take risks. no more turning back

2011-04-20T23:26:00.000-07:00

heys.

Felt like i've just been chaffed to the ends of the earth. Cornered to the very maximum of life, so much so that i don't even know what i'm going to do now. I just received a letter from the Ministry of Education and this is what's on it:

Thank you for attending the interview for a teaching position. We appreciate your interest and enthusiasm in applying for a teaching position. We have had a good crop of candidates who applied. After considering you with all the other shortlisted applicants, we regret to inform you that the Ministry is unable to offer you a teaching appointment, We wish you all the best in your future endeavours.

Honest feelings, my heart sank when i read this letter. I recalled the interview, and i evaluated it over again. Did i say something wrong? Had i failed to truly express my passion for wanting to be a teacher? Did i perhaps reveal pieces of immuturity or did the panel think that i was too "child-like" to teach. Perhaps i wasn't very well prepared to take on all these challenges.

This has been going on for quite sometime already,and i feel so insecure about life. It felt like i've been suddenly pushed with a load full of burdens to be concerned about. And the uncertainty comes when i am not even sure of my progress in life. "Dreamer", indeed i've been labelled this many times before, but i've overcomed that so many times before. What about now? Why is it that now i'm losing it all? i feel like i've been pushed to the pits of life, where i am not supposed to be at. Then, my thought is this, God, are you testing me???

Nevertheless, i still trust in God no matter what comes. Its just that i am worried for what is to come. I need to start shifting focus, and be prepared. Whatever it takes to grow up, i need to. Be a person of convictions, character, far-sighted and mature. Don't feel, just do. I cannot be a burden anymore.

Welcome to the black hole of life, Hannah, nonetheless, you shall emerge victorious. :)

Don't stop running!!! :)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

Personal thoughts after a night out at sentosa cove :)

2010-11-13T09:14:00.000-08:00

hmms!! :)

I had a great time at Sentosa Cove today, it was an experience, it was magnificent splendor, it was fabulous time spent with family. There was lots of good food, fondue, peking duck, vietnamnese seafood row, even unlimited serving of marble slab ice cream, n lots of alcohol. I bet my grandfather had the time of his life drinking his portion. I haven't seen my grandad so happie in so long. kudos!

well, of course i had my share of alcohol: hoegarden, muscato, champagne. YUP, but i surprisingly did not get drunk. amazingly, but what i enjoyed most from this time out at cove, really was my personal time admiring the grand splendor, the sea -the south china sea? it was simply fascinating to be alone, grasping every breath i could take alone and dream big dreams, inhaling every moment of hope in a season such as this, i thought i really needed that.

I also loved chatting with my relatives, about life, about interests, about getting me into SIA, that was really smth i learnt from my aunt who was working there. It was simply awesome to know that i had family standing behind and supporting me. But i vehemently disagree with my mum that she thinks i am easily influenced by my friends, which she feared if i got the job opportunity, that i would mess up my life. She said i must have a strong ground worded in God. i'm sure that i would because God is so much a part of my life, and i have pre-made decisions, and promises to fulfill. People cannot just change my mind the way it has been altered and girded by God. Perhaps by and by i might face discouragements, and shift out of perspective a little sometimes, but i have grasp onto God for the longest season of my life, and i have to say that God is irreplaceable in my life no matter what.

I know that i haven't been writing in here for the longest of time, but i have so much to share, and pour my heart and insights out. I personally believe in God, that's why it bugs me to hear people criticizing my faith, but it doesn't really matter because they have not experienced God the extent i have. Nevertheless, over the long time, i have finally been promoted to be a PCGL in church, given greater responsibility over the people, over a larger portion of the kingdom of God. More than anything else, it was personal recognition from God Himself. It could only be the power of God because my promotion was came personally from the pastor himself. I mean, it could be God moving behind every action right. It was such a comfort to my heart, it was God's way of saying "Hannah, i remembered you..."

tears well in my eyes, i feel that all the more, i have to give my best for God's best. I feel i have a calling in the market place, a support in God's kingdom financially & pastorally. Should anything happen to anyone of God's people, my heart definitely will sink, that's why i cannot just let the people of God be hanging there, ultimately, i have to lead His people back to HIM.

that's why i am very convinced and convicted that i will not be influenced by the culture faced in the airline company, nonetheless, if i get it, i get it, if i don't, i don't, i'm fine, and i would probably go into teaching or some other jobs in the customer-hospitality industry. that's my forte, i know.

okays, back to my thoughts today, i know that i had a great time at sentosa cove, and one day, when i have the money, i would also but a property there. I am very happie for my granduncle and his family because they are still so loving despite all the smoking and drinking. i honour and respect my granduncle because he is a responsible man. though i did fancied the general gathering, i was really missing church, i wanted to end my agony as soon as possible to be back on the team, going about in God's work. there's so much to do in the people's lives. I wanted to build the pillars strong. But the most burning issue on my heart was the time i wanted to spend with God alone, since i was so tired from the past few days, but i told myself, no matter what, i need to seek God tonight before i sleep. i really miss the presence of God. that's what i wanted to share. the heart of christianity is really, not about getting the good things, the wisdom, the guidance, the anointing, whatsoever, but really, it is the personal console we get in God. He deserves it. :)

I love my God, i love my Jesus! :)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

2010-11-13T09:12:00.000-08:00

muse - supermassive black hole songs
Free songs | free Mp3s

Exhausted, but can't sleep

2010-07-25T11:34:00.000-07:00

Yeah, broiled down by wanting to mug for my work, but everytime i do so, my mind get swept away to things that aren't related. There are many things i want to express myself upon this blog this time because as i did my quiet time earlier on, i had so much thoughts to comprehend. But i want to make my stand clear first before i move on in life.

1. i have committed my life into God's hands, no matter what may come etc, i will give my best to God.

2. i have promised God that i would support the SOF in church, which has been my vision dropped in my heart many years back, and til this date i have not forgotten. THus when i'm well and abled to, i will return back to God, and this ministry that has blessed me

3. i know that i have been an imperfect person, and i do not recall, but if i have said anything that i should not have said, i had walked my ways of being a proud, arrogant, and abhorring person that this day, God has truly humbled me over again and reminded me that i should not be proud because God will use the humble to put to shame the proud. So, i should apologise to anybody for displaying abbhorrence in my life at anytime.

4. Though i may be feeling i'm at a pit stop, and a deep pit, i might not fear it, and i will continue to trust and press on in my GOd because of His promises to me. Also, i will not be wavered in any way should i be tempted to sin against God. For i rather offend men, then to offend God.

5. I will start giving my best, and living my best in everything that i do. From carrying myself as a leader, a daughter, a friend, a student, and a church member. This is my call, my destiny.

6. i will be committed to walk the small and narrow way even when i'm given the broad and wide way frequently as a choice.

7. Finally, i can only be interested in people who loves God and share the same values as me. i will not succumb to what people throw at me, because i know that my GOd is greater than what others throw at me.

One final advise to people out there, just be yourself when your around me, don't have to pretend to be who you are not. Because if you do, i can sense it, and i will not be comfortable around you. Let's be real people yeah? :)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

standing with God, praying for Kong

2010-06-02T08:32:00.000-07:00

i am Finally done with part of my revision. Still got a long way to go though..

But i am so disturbed in my heart about the recent scandal regarding CHC in their current situation. Much to say, i am burdened because i know that they are in a bad spotlight right now, but there is nothing much anyone can really do about it.

The thing about it is that i am really indignant about the comments placed online by people who think that they know and understand what Rev Kong has preached about. One in particular mentioned that why pray if they are not guilty? my response to that, are u a dimwit or what? have u got some mind to think that we won't need prayer even if we are not in the wrong? You try getting caught by the police one day and getting questioned for something which you feel is not wrong, but somehow, somebody in your family think its wrong, and calls for the police.. for all you know, the situation may not be so simple, it cold be somebody wishing the worse out of you, and when chance upon an opportunity to eat you up, he jumps on you, just like a hungry lion. Don't you think you need the evidence to be standing for you? Don't you pray that the truth is not tainted and that you are proven guiltless of your trials? Its precisely because of people like you that's why we need even more prayers. Have u got some brains to think that asking for prayer is more powerful than what you perceive it to be?

And to the rest who are now commenting on Rev Kong's sermons.. You are now saying that Pastor is wrong in preaching about wealth? If you dare to say that he is greedy for money, then you tell me, don't you want money too? If you don't then don't ever touch money. have sufficient, have enough to eat, and live. Don't strive for a better pay, Don't take the Government's monetary benefits for you, Don't take your next month's payroll, exchange it for enough food for yourself, your family, whoever. Don't ever consider buying the next handphone, laptop, ipad, car, house, what have you. Live simple, be contented, AND, GIVE YOUR money to the poor. Come on luhs, we're not living in communism. I dare to stand up for this man because he is not all about money, talk, and swallow. He gives money to the poor, he helps the needy out there, DO YOU? at least he works for his money. DO YOU DARE TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND SAY YOU DON"T NEED OR WANT MONEY????!! Please, grow up, and even if you want to comment, say something more constructive. AND, the man, he is already so ridiculed.. he is already so worn out by all these traumas, why add fuel to the fire when there's really just an investigation going on? why ridicule him because of his preaching? they are his conviction, his beliefs, you have yours, he does'nt criticize you, why do you criticize him? He is not going against any law by preaching what he preach, why use that against him? Just leave him be.

Though i do not belong to his church, but i sense strongly within that is time for the churches to unite and as one. If CHC can be a target any other churches can be too. It is a war not of the flesh and blood but of princialities. Let's rise in one accord and pray for CHC, and let's look to God and not current circumstance.

P.s. The best thing everybody can do now is to keep silent and not criticize.

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

Angst,Holy Anger, Decisions, Driven

2010-04-01T12:51:00.000-07:00

I have had Enough of the devil and his stunts! He has continually sowed doubts into my thoughts, discouraging me, and always making me see the logical side of things. I believe that this is indeed the turning point of everything. The devil has NO HOLD over me, and i will prosper according to God’s ways! Who says that i cannot be who i want to be?! God never said i can’t and God did not object to it! So the God of my youth will stand stronger than anything else in my life from now onwards, all things will be made possible according to the will of GOD! Had some plans, and think that they are really God-given. However, i will not be sharing them here. I think that what i felt would bless you more are the insights that i got from my plans. Here are 7 points that i will abide for the rest of my life, and i will live, and no matter what, i will steer my life, my ways, my thoughts, my heart, dreams and visions towards this to conquer life for GOD!
1. Always PRAY. SEEK GOD, SEEK GOD, SEEK GOD. To attain wisdom, anointing, favour, love, patience, character, inspirations, motivations, encouragements, strength, power and stamina
2. To always connect & engage ppl’s heart, keeping mentality to BUILD, BUILD, BUILD. 7 pillars, culture and godly character. Overarching vision: Love GOD
3. Always speak life, disciple by inspiring, yet be firm, ALWAYS SPEAKING THE TRUTH.
4. Always LIVE. Then lead, and learn. Thinking and listening more, speaking lesser (lest i sin), yet being wise with words. And being an example.
5. Always killing any doubts, where the devil sow into my mind, thoughts, discouragements, but continually focusing and coming back to the throne of Grace
6. CRUXIFYING my flesh, ridding carnality, but work to build dreams and visions. Work hard at reaching every dream, every vision. Being competitive but not overwhelmed by others being better. Always planning ahead of anything.
7. Always remembering that because God believes in me, that’s why i can step out of comfort zone in faith to conquer life. Yet still remaining teachable, humbling myself, and taking discipleship as i grow.
Yeah, hoped this would bless you who read it to let you know that we need to have such decisions made in life, it has to be shaken or any form of force to get it into our system that we won’t lose it, but keep it for life in us that we will not let the devil be the one who disrupts our lives, but we taing control of our own lives, and letting God lead us to our next step. 

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

My life HIS song

2010-03-05T01:49:00.000-08:00

WHOSE HANDS ARE THESE
HOLDING MY TRAPEZE
WHEN I FLY
YOU CARRY ME
WHOSE EYES ARE THESE
WATCHING OVER ME
EYES OF LOVE
THAT SET ME FREE

UNAFRAID
WHAT’S AHEAD
YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE BEFORE
MY WHOLE WORLD
YOUR DESIGN
YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE
JUST RIGHT BEHIND

CHORUS:
MY LIFE IS YOUR SONG
TO YOU MY HEART BELONGS
LET ALL EARTHLY CROWNS
FADE IN THE SHADOW OF THE CROSS

MY LIFE IS YOUR SONG
I’LL SING FOR YOU ALONE
NOTHING IN THIS WORLD
CAN TAKE ME AWAY FROM YOU
OUR LOVE GOES ON AND ON

WHOSE ARMS ARE THESE
SHELTER ME FROM HARM
IN THE STORM
YOU ARE MY CALM
WHOSE VOICE I HEAR
WHISPER IN MY EAR
WHEN I’M LOST
YOU’RE ALWAYS NEAR

BRIDGE:
IN ALL MY LIFE
BE GLORIFIED
WITH CHRIST IN ME
NO LONGER I
SO TAKE MY ALL
CONSUMING FIRE
YOUR LIGHT IN ME
I’LL LET IT SHINE

I love this song so much. At this moment, it speaks and caters so much to a specific area in my life. WEll, you see, i'm an ambitious person in life, and i will usually set higher targets in my life, and it so happened that i was there to witness the collection of results of my classmates, and of course, there was a vast difference in the array of results given out to different people. Many of them were just satisfied with getting Bs and a few As, many were of course dissapointed with their results. ME? what did i feel? i felt anxious, i felt worried, i felt sad. I felt demoralized, and dissapointed. Many people who were expected to pass well did'nt, and many who were'nt did very well. That was'nt really my concern. My real concern was that i was anxious that it would be my turn next year, and i was really uptight about it. In my heart i feared very much because all i ever wanted was to give my best. So that i can bring glory to God, make my mum proud of me, and even pastors, leaders and church feel proud of me too. I wanted to use it as a way to stand up for my church which has been faced with situation where intelligent people had caused us spirits down.

And i was sad because i could feel an invisible wall around me trying to pull me down and away from the dreams and visions i ever wanted to reach. It came for the insecurity that was bound within me, the thought that i was never able to reach my dreams because i set too far away standards, the thought that my teachers also looked at me as if i had no potential to do well, not because of m ability, but because i was spending my time unneccesarily in church and everything, it was a frequent misconception that people associated my church with my incapabilities of doing well. There was a NO culture in school. But the greatest wall i had was the fact that everything that really pulled me down was my thoughts, my will.. its all dying. It all came from me. My friends might have despised me, they might have been deemed smarter than me, but i could run against it, but i did'nt i let it tear me apart like i'm a great loser.

BUt God was good. He pulled me out and away from those thoughts. He encouraged me with my O levels prestige. He said that i was one of those whom people had despised, disliked, but look, you are where you're at because of who you are. God has drawn the masterplan of my life, and shown me bits and pieces of it to draw me higher. i'm spurred, inspired, motivated to give my best shot for this.

NOT GOING TO LET THE DEVIL PULL ME DOWN. not going to let realisticity slip into my life to pull me down, i will soar in life!

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG -faithfully building His kingdom. JESUSROCKS

Fresh revelations, fresh ignitions.

2010-02-18T19:06:00.000-08:00

Hey

I'm on my way to AMK polyclinic. Apparently, arose abruptly with a major major haul of diarhoea. So, i did'nt go to school, as the crammy was still there. On my way out to my destination, there was this older lady in red shirt who gave me a "hong bao". i was wondering in my heart what had spurred her on to give me the red packet. To my surprise, as i held onto the little red packet, i realised that it was a christian tract. I then resumed oto return her the tract, and told her i was christian. So she asked me what church i was from. When i told her that i was from my church, she began to wonder what church it was. TO elighten her, i told her that we were a brach of city harvest. Then, she confidently shove the tract back into my hands and told me to read their online sites, as it had some truth in there. I was quite puzzled as to how come and why would she actually say such stuff. I then went on to ask her what denomination she was from, she told me it was a different denomination, so i probe further by asking the question again. She then told me it was "presbytarian" (if that was the correct spelling). So i nodded my head, and said okay, and thank you.

In my heart i was thinking to myself, are'nt we worshipping the same God? are'nt we preaching about the same "Jesus Christ"? Even though she told me that she had nothing against City harvest, my inhibition thought was this: Then why insist that i check out your church's website? And why state that there is some truth in it??? Isn't God the God of ALL TRUTH? why say some truth? I was deemed on challenging her to tell me all about it, but i decided that i'd not do that, something in my heart tugged me not to do so. Therefore I did'nt. But what i honestly felt was that it was weird for her to hesitate telling me more about her church. I almost suspected that she belonged to a cult.

And the most curious of all things was that, rather than giving me that gospel pamphlet, why not keep it for the person who needs to know about God even more? Is this an indication that you want me to convert from charasmatic to a presbytarian? It does'nt make much of a sense, since we're all already populating heaven and so many more have yet to join us, but why poach from church to church?

I personally feel that i would rather run, and seek to win more souls than to persuade people who are already christians to become christians in my church. Wrong motivation, wrong move.

back to the books,
signing off

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

B zone Christmas Dinner

2009-12-21T08:17:00.000-08:00

YO!

Its nearing Christmas soon, and i'm really excited for the things tht will be coming soon. Anyway, we had a great time at Gang yuan's house. The food was great, and the people enjoyed themselves. For me, what i loved particularly was the part where the group went to the convenient store to shop for a gift to exchange for the cg gift exchange session. I think that was the time that the team spirit, fun, warmth and enjoyment occurred.

Met people like Shu xin, Yong kang, Yun Hui, Han jie, and even Rita!

There's a reason why i love my zone. :)Anyway, I thank God for everything in my life. God meet and supplies my needs. i live on God and for God.

:)
:)
:)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

Deep in thoughts

2009-12-14T07:10:00.000-08:00

Hey.

I've not been here for sometime, listening to bleeding love. just a random tune on my itunes player. Read somebody's blog entry and got a little abrupt by what i saw. It was disturbing -bombasticity to say a simple thing, i render its too complicated, but what to do? people work is all about loving people. yet, i feel so stuck with the whole situation. i rather people be honest in my face then to actually communicate via the virtual world. i mean, yes, air your thoughts, say what you want here, but if it meant to get it to somebody else specifically, get it straight out like an arrow from its quiver. shoot it out. The truth may hurt, but only for awhile.

be correct, not politically correct.

a pure heart is what i long for. a heart that will follow hard after God. no matter what setbacks or challenges i may face in the journeys of this life, i will want to follow tightly after God, and after the will of God. I may face a situation of life that may make me feel so burdened, but i will not let the devil beat me down! no Way! the God in me is greater than he.

Thoughts has been circulating within my mind like a movie loop, and i've been thinking and considering many many things in, on and about life. Its not easy to comprehend so much things, but i have purposed in my heart that i will not be beaten by the intimidation that is brought upon me. God is a good God and He would build my house when i have set myself to build His house.

Feeling a little nauseous right now, guess its the many meaty stuff i stuffed into my mouth during dinner and the drink concoction my uncle made for us. Its supposed to be something good, but i don't feel good in any case at all. gotta sign off soon, but just wanna encourage people out there who feels down and discouraged, and feel the burden weighed upon your shoulders. DON'T BE DISCOURAGED! LET GO AND LET GOD HANDLE YOUR CASE. :) do our best so God can do the rest.

Keep Building His Empire! :)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

Why am i feeling so low now?

2009-11-20T19:50:00.000-08:00

i think now is just one of those times that i sit and reflect abt life and feel bad abt it. Right now, i'm seated at the reception, and i have feeling this kind of feeling quite recently. The feel of anxious, guilt and a little dismay and disappointed. Disappointed in myself. i can even feel tears welling in my eyes. Feel myself so lousy and not pushing myself to the fullest of my poten†ial. It not me †o feel and think way i do, its just that something has indeed eaten into me rather recently. I have to learn to forgive, i have to learn to love and rely on God through the storms. bad day, bad feel. bad me.

Insights reflected on a Faraway journey

2009-11-01T05:55:00.000-08:00

Hey Yo!

I'm on my journey home to bukit timah from woodlands. 960 is the bus, can imagine the journey of this ride? Haha. Anw, really loved the xrave live demo, think our ldrs are really cool ppl! But more than tt, i loved it when Pst Lia preached today. Anointing flows. **as usual
Since i've a long journey ride, i won't hesitate t tell you more of what gr8 experience i had. :) i imagine alot, n if u don't catch it, i mean ALOT! But i hv came t an understanding tt i need t begin surrendering my imagination t God all over again. Tt i may attain imagination at a higher level. Tt is, holy imagination. Our minds are really powerful, n if not careful, we could fall into the traps of the devil tt steals, kill n destroy. In essence, we can only choose t follow one. For me, i choose to Follow Him who has picked me from the deathpits of my life. In Him, dreams n vision boom forth within my spirit. Once upon a time, i've been hit deep in my spirit but God encourages me with the vision of a 10000 over congregation. I can see it in my spirit, n i'm running towards tt. Another one tt sticks close in my heart, the vision of a worship pastor, business counselor. A full time church staff, part time world staff, but, carrying great influence on the ppl who comes in contact with me. Great dreams come from a great God, life, its only gonna happen once on earth, n the rest in eternity. Why not live my best for Jesus? Also, i see a great future ahead. Gotta let tt sink into my spirit for what has not alrd happened within will nvr happen in the future.. I rest my calling upon the shoulders of almighty, why be narrow minded n be offended when there's a greater purpose t fulfill in life? If the devil's gonna use knitty tactics against me, i will not budge. :) i will refuse 2b ignored in God, in life! Hence, i will keep loving God, ppl n life, no matter what it takes. BIG GOD, BIG THINKING. BIG THINKING, BIG MENTALITY. BIG MENTALITY, BIG INHERITANCE. :)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

Feeling a little upset. Unleashing capacity.

2009-10-28T01:52:00.000-07:00

Hi.
I'm home from shopping with mum, n i'm feeling a little upset abt smth tt happened earlier on. It triggered my hrt how i need t be different from wat my heritage has t offer me. I've been watching n observing how life has been. How ppls' behaviour determines outcomes. It all lies in wisdom. Sometimes, i just feel tt we hv t get out abt feeling small inside. Yes, God is a God of abundance n He is gd. Why should we dwell in our little worlds of self pity? I will Fight against all odds t go against tt. I may not hv a father, but i don't hv 2 feel lousy abt it, i may not hv alot of material wealth, but i don't hv t Feel bad abt it either. I may not always get what i want, but so what? I will get it when the time is right, if not, it probably isn't really suitable for me. Strip me off everything i own, i will still stand on my 2feet t embrace what God has given me tt can nvr be stripped from me. I belong t a royal priesthood, an inheritance tt lasts forever. Stressed, so what? Be focused on what is meant 2b focused upon. No more soaking in self pity, not even soaking in pride. get out of it. I live to stand on God's word n promises.

Love,
Hannah
Brokenness

2009-10-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

Hey. I'm walking to the busstop on my way home from a great ldrs mtg at church. M so empowered. As i sat there in the mtg, many thoughts n visions began to flow into my spirit. But i m most opened t one particular word, which is in this specific season 2b broken. As i walk, i began to think. Deep within me entrench many thoughts tt many don't see. only God truly sees n understands everything. But i was wondering in my humanity tt if a person who so close to one's heart ignores tt person. What does it mean? There's more than just surface deep issues. Personally, its a sign of abrupt situations tt has caused an effect on the person who decided t ignore. Then, i believe tt this calls for a major clarification for the misunderstanding. Respect comes to the person who chooses n knows how to deal with situations wisely. If u wann t gain the respect of ppl w/o falling in possible mess l8r on in, den deal it rightly. If ur heart is right, n ur conscience clear, there's no need t ignore. Tts how a clap comes abt with 2 hands. If u see dirty hands coming tgt, u'll see dirty outcome. Conversely, if u see 2 clean hands coming tgt, then the issue is outrightly solved. Do ur stuff n i'll do mine. But if u don't make tt effort t resolve it, whether a gd clap or bad clap, it will not come to pass. My heart is right, my conscience clear, vision gleams brightly too. I'm clear who my master is, i don't need anyone t sow doubts in me. I may not be the most matured, but i noe tt maturity comes with the acceptance of responsibility. Shirk ur responsibility, u lose ur character. Gonna run n focus on God, ppl no more. Brokenness is what it takes at this point in life. Brokenness to the heart of God. Reluctance is just humanity, but mortality is reliance.

Love,
Hannah
Brokenness for a greater purpose

Thoughts on my mind

2009-10-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

Hey there,

Won't deny the fact tt i woke up glum this morning. Felt abruptly disturbed when i realised tt i've always missed out what ldrs discussed. Mtgs n everything. Its a feelin of frustration n irritation. But when i opened my bible t read God's word, God encouraged me again n again. But as i m, can't help ridding the feel of manipulation on my life. For tt reason, i've promised tt i'll nvr doing smth against my values in life. Hate it when ppl think n treat me like i'm a kid oblivious to what's happening around me. Just shut my mouth to situation n circumstance for the sake the one who mattered most in my life. Then again, just wanna express myself here.. For me to die is gain, for me to live is Christ. Only God can convince me to make wise decisions.

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

2009-10-16T13:37:00.000-07:00

Hey dudes!

Life's simply awesome with Jesus! I was just thinking n Thinking n Thinking. N i really really really love my life! Its not a perfect life, its not a life everyone would wann t live, but i love it bcos i'm living it. :) the best thing abt my life is being able t own n rule it. And the better thing is tt, taking charge of my life with God is even more exciting! Can't elaborate how excited i am abt the future, can't tell u much in words. Just have t let it show so that it may speak louder than words! :) just watch the Power of the God i have, i love Jesus n i am glad i chose to believe. :)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

2009-10-12T11:38:00.000-07:00

Hi there!

I'm studying @ changi airport @ 2.37am n honestly i'm a little unable to go on. This has been a combination of the non-stop schedule since 5am this morning. N the fact tt i'm doing maths is enough t fully utilise my brain cells. So, i need a hard break. Now, i'm sitting in a cosy corner listening to songs of my parents' generation. Not tt i chose to, but its really quite pleasant moment now. Okays, i'll study in awhile. But first, major hit away from the books are my incessant need t express my thoughts.
Here it goes. With the recent strife at home, i've been considering long enough, n i base my security in 1stly God. Then i'm thinking tt i'm gonna study hard n break free of this crap situation my family n i are in. I wanna live my dreams. To let them live a gd life when i'm well n abled to, moreover, i wanna give my best yrs t God as well. WE're moving outta the place to a better one anyway. GOD IS GOOD. Then, i've also been thinking long n hard enough in the area of relationships n future, how marriage cud be a gr8 or a detrimental thing if not careful. A lesson learnt is 2 choose ur spouse with wisdom, n God's boon. Thought abt it, n i felt tt the best is still 2 wait for God's best arrives. Meantime, be prepared 2b alone all my life. Sometimes it isn't tt bad u noe. I feel tt i've come t put a emotional social barrier over my life as a guard t keep me from falling. Its not fun living a life of suspense n i get irritated at the thought of ppl mistaking me t be interested in them when i'm not. Also, impeccable friendships. But even if i were, i know whr t draw the line n Follow God's time. I don't need all these child's play mentality interfering in the way i do life. I prefer a free n easy life away from tied down emotional solemn. Mum said I was nvr born 2b a sad child, so don't try fitting me into tt. I'm not one 2b meddled with. Try it n you'll noe.

Apart from tt, i really love my life. :) and i won't wan2 mess it up. I'm gg t the washroom now! ;)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

In other words, i love you

2009-09-27T22:03:00.000-07:00

Hey!

Its really great to be soaked in the presence of God. I have come with an understanding that nothing else matters more to me than God.

Utada Hikaru - Fly Me To The Moon Lyrics
Album:

Poets often use many words
To say a simple thing
But it takes thought and time and rhyme
To make a poem sing

With music and words I'll be playin'
For you, I have written a song
To be sure that you know what I'm sayin'
I'll translate as I go along

Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Won't you let me see what spring
Is like on Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand
In other words, darling, kiss me

Fill my heart with song
And let me sing forevermore
'Cause you are all I long for
All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

In other words, please be true
(Please be true, I just want you to be true)
In other words, yeah yeah yeah yeah,
I love you
(I love you, I love you)
Oh oh

C'mon, just take me to the moon and back

Da da da da da da
Da da da da da yeah

I think that this song can be sang to God, its most applicable cause i really like the feel of it, but the lyrics are so meant for God. Indeed, God is a good God, and i will certainly make it through the storms, i have God with me, whom shall i fear, whom shasll i fear?

I had a great time digging into the word of God and am brewing a word sharing for the HoGCyjcians meeting after the promos. Its gonna be reall great and awesome. Its about having the IMPACT of a generation of HOGCYJCians.

Influence
Making things happen
Pray & plan
Attitude & heart
Culture & convictions secured in God
Teamwork

Its really exciting! Gonna continue digging into God's revelations even more! :)

Lvoe,
Hannah
AnEBFG

It was worth it

2009-09-25T09:11:00.000-07:00

Hey!

It really was an awesome day. Despite the unending hecticness, waking up at 5am in the morning, fasting for 3/4 of the day.. pressing on with no nap during sch hrs, hanging on during lessons n giving all my energy for cg n prayer mtg. I feel so fulfilled tt i've accomplished smth aft a period of distraught. But today, i'm so assured tt my hope n trust is in God indeed. :) God knows n He understands. I really don't mind living my life not getting married just t build His house. :)

speaking of which, it really distressed me alot t hear my friend telling me tt a guy school mate's nx target was me. Don't think i'm happy. I hardly noe this guy, n It has become a phobia t me especially for a time like this, when i've decided t keep it going in God, n relationships make it an awkward moment for me right now. Besides, i'm not attracted t bgr at this moment, n its really immature 2b always thinking of wanting 2b in a relationship not planning ahead. For me, its really fundamental t understand whr we r going. N pls, i don't need a man t satisfy me. I've my standards too, n not anybody can fit into tt category. So stop pulling my leg, just leave me alone. Tks.

One life, i choose t live it for Jesus. :)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

Giving mentality is not bad, but sowing is even greater. :)

2009-09-14T09:21:00.000-07:00

Hey there! :)

So excited to share so much with all of you! Before i start, i must first warn tt i'm using hp internet, n it might limit my speaking capacity so i might just stop n continue on computer tmr! :) i was doing my qt, n had a revelation from God! Here's it:
There are basically different mentality we can hv when giving t God. But mentioned today specifically is giving mentality, sowing mentality, n calculative mentality.

Giving mentality: expects no returns
Sowing mentality:
Expects a great returns

As i began t seek God n asked him for a breakthrough in finances, in life, He began t speak into my spirit man, and this , was what He said: 'you've been putting yourself in the giving mentality that you don't learn how to sow. That is why many times you pray, but there is no returns. It starts from the point of giving, n ur mentality plays big role big time.' so basically God was challenging me to start switching my mentality from a giver t a sower -in every arena of my need for breakthrough, there's gotta 2b a shift in mentalities.
However, there's a need t understand the heart of a sower before having the mindset of one.
After praying n studying the word,
Sowing -basically means to plant with an intention of having great returns. Its a positive expectation. Dictionary states tt sowing is scattering (seed) on or in earth, plant with seed; initiate, arouse. When we sow, we expect great returns so that more good maybe done. There's no selfish mentality involved, bcos a sower will still sow so long as good can be brought whether or not its to his gain.
That sets a sowing mentality apart from a calculative mentality! To be calculative has a different connotation. Dictionary states tt t calculate is determine before hand by judgement, reasoning, etc; estimate. To calculate is to expect great returns for satisfying one's own selfishness. It does'nt necessarily mean tt bad intentions are done here, but it does not carry a positive connotation either.

And So God has drawn tt thin line between a sower

Looking towards the future

2009-09-06T07:11:00.000-07:00

Hi there!

I'm now standing at the crossroad of a junction in amk. I'm headed t the police station. Actually i'm now in the police station. Met Peck lian on the way off church earlier on, n really liked talking with her. Haha. Anw, i think tdae's sermon was really powerful. Pst Lia has always been so anointed n 1day, i will b like tt too. :) anw, i think God's good, did my qt this morning, but God spoke t me during the word tdae. I'm going home t read the word as how God has instructed me t do so. :) gd nights everyone! I'm going t read my bible. ;)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

2009-08-29T12:31:00.000-07:00

Did you forget that I was even alive?
Did you forget everything we ever had?
Did you forget, did you forget about me?

Did you regret ever standing by my side?
Did you forget we were feeling inside?
Now I'm left to forget about us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song, you can't forget it

So now I guess this is where we have to stand
Did you regret ever holding my hand?
Never again, please don't forget, don't forget

We had it all, we were just about to fall
Even more in love, than we were before
I won't forget, I won't forget about us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song you can't forget it

Somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song, you can't forget it at all

And at last all the pictures have been burned
And all the past is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget, please don?t forget us

Somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song but you won't sing along
You've forgotten about us
Don't forget.
Weird having this cry. But Nvrm. We'll wait n see over the course of the season. Thank God for mum n gd friends. :)

touchedF0REVER: One time. Who's Justin bieber

2009-08-16T22:39:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1tss6JPGoM

One time. Who's Justin bieber

2009-08-16T22:06:00.000-07:00

whoa.

Finally found the song i was looking for. the thing is that this song sounds great, but i'm just a lil' curious about the artist. :)

Did some research and found out that the dude is only 15 years old!

my goodness. INCREDIBLE. indeed the next generation is rising.. haha

Aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye

Me plus you (I'ma tell you one time) [x3]

When I met you girl my heart went knock knock
Now them butterflies in my stomach wont stop stop
And even though its a struggle love is all we got
Ao we gon' keep keep climbin' till the mountain top

Your world is my world
And my fight is your fight
My breath is your breath
And your heart (and now I've got my)

Chorus:
One love
My one heart
My one life for sure
Lemme tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
I'ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
And I'ma be your one guy
You'll be my number one girl
Always makin time for you
I'ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
I'ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)

You look so deep
You know that it humbles me,
Your by my side and troubles them don't trouble me
Many have called but the chosen Is you
Whatever you want shawty I'll give it to you

Your world is my world
And my fight is your fight
My breath is your breath
And your heart (and now I've got my)

Chorus:
One love
My one heart
My one life for sure
Lemme tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
I'ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
And I'ma be your one guy
You'll be my number one girl
Always makin time for you
I'ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
I'ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)

Shawty right there
She's got everything I need
and I'm gon' tell her one time (one time)
Give you everything you need
Down to my last dime
She makes me happy
I know where I'll be
Right by your side cause
She is the one

Chorus:
One love
My one heart
My one life for sure
Lemme tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
I'ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
And I'ma be your one guy
You'll be my number one girl
Always makin time for you
I'ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
I'ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)

Me plus you (I'ma tell you one time) [x3]

After examining this song, i think it is really quite sweet but cheesy for a guy of his age to sing it. Don't you think so? haha. Nonetheless, sounds like a good song. Morally RIGHT> Impressive! found out that this guy had so many opportunity to follow great artists of this age! justin Timberlake, Usher etc. BUT he chose to follow Usher instead. COOL! i think he's gonna have a great future ahead man! way to go Justin Bieber! :)

check youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1tss6JPGoM

Make it thru the fire

2009-08-16T09:56:00.000-07:00

Hi! Wow, just finish my bath! Love feeling clean. :) i saw mum's lotion with this: 'Caress your skin with the romantic scent of true love in a rich, emollient lotion.'
Gags. Honestly, since when hv true love been displayed through scents? Furthermore, LOTIONS?! Haha. Anw, i'm just sitting on my bed, in the cool of the night. Thinking n reflecting on life so far. Feel that i gotta buck up. Gotta run at whr i am. Was so inspired by the city times i read n felt such a calling 2b serving in HOGC. My destiny n purpose t fulfill. :) i will b great one day. Tired but excited for a new day ahead. Haha, gotta arise t study for my gp test tmr! Keep striking the ground, loving God, ppl n life. Gonna win these ppl t God, being faithful in the little things. Dying t myself, surrendering t God every single day. i maybe weak, but its when i'm weak then m i strong in Him. :) gd nite everybody! :) God has promise t build me. And i will b an influence as my spiritual parents has set example t me. I will make it thru the fire with God, for God n in God. :)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

Worship you alone

2009-08-12T03:15:00.000-07:00

Your faithfulness, never fails
your faithfulness, everyday
you're the same

unfailing love, sets me free
unfailing love, you lead me
with your hand

and all i know
with your arms around me
your face is all that i see
your love and grace
pick me up and hold me
you alone are Holy

for you alone are great in power
you alone are my strong tower
and i will lift my heart and soul
to worship you alone

for you alone are my desire
you have set my heart on fire
and i will lift my heart and soul
to worship you alone
worship you alone

Don't you love Jesus? i just love Him very very very much. Everytime i hear this song, all hardness of heart and spirit just fades away. Somehow, i was really quite tired yesterday. i slept through all the way til this morning and i almost was late for school. However, the fact is that i did'nt really overslept in that sense cause i woke up at 4.26am in shock and fear. It was a nightmare that woke me. Though i was'nt sure what exactly occurred, i knew that it had caused me to feel uneasy throughout the day. I am a little upset with something, but i just don't really know what exactly. ITs matters of the inside. i guess its disappointments. And there is also a fear, i dunno what it is, just that i feel really really uneasy.

Anyway, after this, i'm going to do a little revising with my work and then i'm going home to do my quiet time. i gotta hear from God. In moments like this, i think its the best to cry out to God. What's the point of crying to man when even sometimes you know they can't really do anything about it. The best person to cry to is still and always be God. I think i'm quite a sombre person, and i can't really blame it because i tend to cry whenever i feel uneasy? Its just that instinct built into me. i guess i was just made that way. Hannah was afterall a woman of God who cried very often anyway... but still she was known as the woman full of grace. What a comfort. God loves me the way i am. :) Yet, understanding me is to know that i cry but i don't admit defeat. That's what God has inclined me to be. Tough not hard-hearted.

Anyway, i foresee a challenging but satisfying journey ahead of me. Now that my interact head has placed me in-charge of this upcoming project that is rather large-scale for a person so insignificant as me in the club. I hold neither post nor role. But God is good i guess, this is an opportunity to do something to influence the rest in interact club. Afterall, i would say there is a certain degree of respect they carry for me. Despite the fact that somethimes the jokes i crack are really not funny, but they entertain.. haha. anyway. i am afterall, uh-urm! a serious person. :) nonetheless, i like the way i carry myself.

Yet, should there be any changes i need to do in my life from God, i will do it. For His sake and none other.

Then we talk about the upcoming busy busy schedule. My goodness! i'm so dead to myself. Nonetheless, i shall conquer. If my leaders can do it, i can do it too. If pastors can do it, i can do it too! Then there's this anxiety welling in me to bring a new friend this weekend!!! Its a personal challenge to me now. Especially when i have no one good target now. Even though i always wished they would be saved, but they still seem so tough to invite. {Just do it Hannah, just DO IT. okays, okays, i surrender all..... i cry. "ONE NEW FRIEND, GOD!" help me....help me... cause all i need is you... GOING HOME TO SEEK GOD!!!} Anxious man.

Hahhs! Albert says he's going for noni's CG tmr! yays! but i need to tell him that i'm not going. hmms. God help me pls!

Alright, finally, i will keep striking the ground! I WILL> even if i am not given the title of a great person, i will LIVE to be great.

:) at the storms always. Adieu

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

2009-08-10T08:25:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody!

Its so awesome to be me. :) well i was just hanging out with Naomi at cafe cartel just now, think we had a fun time talking abt life, but the most encouraging thing that i got from here was being able to sow into this life. :) think this girl aspires to be someone great in life, but we have to understand that greatness comes from within. Build our characters in God is priority. The rest would fall in place once God is set in first place. Then i was just thinking abt how i've also been taken down from ministries for AE, that's whr 2 corinthains 4:8-9 comes in to set my heart right. I will conquer this through Christ who strengthens me. :) God is good indeed. When i come on my knees, i know he heeds my cry. When i asked God if i'd ever live to do great things in His kingdom, in Hogc, his reply: 'yes, you live to give' wow, it never daunt upon me that i'd be created to give. :) God is good indeed. Then another powerful revelation i had yesterday, asked God how t bring ppl to their point b. As i was sweeping the floor of the admin alfresco, God spoke into my spirit ' others may live life based on the superficial, but i live life based on my character' that speaks alot on how i should build my ppl alrd. :) i love Jesus!

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

Some insights on a bus trip

2009-08-04T08:34:00.000-07:00

Hey readers!

Finally i have the the time to blog! I came from bugis with Ping lynn and really discovered somethings of ping that i never knew. Anyway just wanna talk abit. :) I was just reading some blogs earlier on, and thought about how people would spend so much time updating their blogs with new skins, and pictures etc. I love them all, but there's something that i have to admit even after going through all the magnificence of the different blogs. I still love my own blog. haha. WHY? i dunno...

After giving it some thought, i still prefer reading my own blog entries, there's nothing much to view on my blog but just words that spurs me moving on. That's what i like about my entries. i realised that it has absolutely nothing to do being proud, egoistic or narcissism. Its more like being comfortable in your skin kinda thing? i have come to realized that a person who cares lesser about how others look at you to be is a person who understands what his/her person to be, there's nothing t be swayed about, and you totally love the things you do. Its a long school of thought, and i'll interpret more about it when i'm free to do so. :) But for now, let me retire for the night. Good night! :)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

Undefined by what others think of me. :) i lead my life the way i want it to be. I hold the power. But i CHOOSE to yield it to God. :)

2009-07-30T06:47:00.000-07:00

Hey! I'm On my way home and listening to muttons to midnight. Love listening to their show cos they have a certain level of good humour. But then again, its always better to hear songs of the spiritual. :) well, went for leaders mtg earlier on, and i'm gonna know more about people. I start by first becoming a people's person. So, i'm blogging now! :D met yu hong from B41 earlier on, and really wanna know this person better. Gonna pull him closer. Also, thinking about what Sam shared during cg earlier on, i think its really true that if we want growth, we need to love. Its beyond just the human means of shallow loving. its loving beyond my human capacity. Beyond something i can give as a human. That reminds me of people whom i've not spoken to for ages. Then, i'm still gonna work my way up. Can't afford to let distractions interfere in my life. There's so much more for me to STAND in the gap, but education plays an important role in order for me to come up another level. I wanna come full fledge after i graduate from yjc. I say t God, wait for me, i'm running after you! :) know that in this phase of life, issues get uncertain for me, to be honest, i don't even know if we will still have a roof over our heads. But, i'm not gonna let this stop me from growing stronger in God! Gotta let the brain juice flow man. Speaking of which, also i'm thinking about how pastor How's birthday is approaching, and i really wanna honour him. I hv the best pastors on earth! Not gonna trade the world for them. And i really wanna honour them. Wondering what i can do for them. Haha. Going home t pray abt it. :)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG
*today's code: i live my life undefined by what or who ppl place me upon. :) don't be stifled by these obstacle! If there's a will, there'll b a way. But above all these, i CHOOSE to yield my life to God. :)

Knock you down

2009-07-20T04:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes love comes around, and it knocks you down, just get back up when it knocks you down. Loving is not an easy task, yet i will persist. Yeah not giving up on these ppl, these lives. Even more so, love of my life. Will go on. :)

Something new. :)

2009-07-13T13:04:00.000-07:00

Hey!
Now i'm currently inputing my thoughts into here via my handphone! Isn't it cool? Fun aside, now i'm listening t the song new divide by linkin park- theme song of transformers. I think it fits perfectly well for my stance today. I guess my dear friend just does'nt understand. She's too proud t anw. I shan'nt bother abt this person anymore. If she can't take a friend's genuine words seriously, then forget it. I'm just moving on in life, feeling like the biggest loser right now. I'll get over it soon. God is good.
He'll see me through this tough season in life, i gotta start sowing much too. Anw, i was having a great time with Ping lynn hanging out at j8 cafe cartel earlier on. It was great talking abt spiritual things with this girl. She's so gonna grow. :) i'm gonna build Angie, Albert, Kirk n Chun kit strong too! :) its impossible by my works, but totally possible with God! :) there r no boundaries! Then, also i miss hanging out with my leaders. I really feel so out of touch with them sometimes. They went t play bbal! I did'nt noe anything abt it, so sad. But i thank God tt at least time spent today was great with Ping. :) i was thinking earlier on, should i ever get married one day, i'd definitely wanna marry the best person for me, its meaningless coming t realise tt i married the wrong person n end up regretting my decision. I would rather wait for the best than settle for second best. To me, i'd only take the best or have none at all. Thus, i'm gonna start focusing on God n the dreams He's given me. :) i'm gonna work hard, earn lots of money t support church n my family man. I'm also going 2b a Pst nx time! Worship pastor, tts my calling, the dream God has given me. I will not give up bcos of some stupid obstacles in my life. Keep fighting n striving on Hannah!! From God i was born, to God i will return! :)

P.s. I'm gonna live n draw closer t God when i wake up in the morning! Man don't matter no more. God matters more. MC ROCKS! ;)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

how awesome is this place! :)

2009-07-12T10:03:00.001-07:00

Hey!

got home for quite sometime already. My immediate response? play a few keys on the piano -to the tune of still. Had an awesome quiet time with God in the park on my way home. Though it was only for a very very short while, i got my focus right back on top with God. :) God has indeed assured me once again that He cares. He will look to my needs when i begin to focus on Him. Know, as i begin to build myself in God in this season, God has been impressing on me time and over again that the further i climb, the more humble i must get. The lesson on being humble in every circumstance. Humbleness. Humbly we began, humbly we end. Now, for more heart to heart session with God after i complete washing the dishes, hanging the laundry, preparing my uniform, packing my schoolbag, and finally bathing, then resting for the night! Gonna LIVE LIVE LIVE! Working even harder than before. that is what pastor Lia said.. to be a sucessful lady, you gotta work like a dog. :) I'm gonna do just that! woking on the 90% of invisible, and the fruit of it will only show as 10%. Hence, if i want my sheep to be really great people in life, i gotta build them a 110% at least, so that they can hit their 100%! :)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

exceedingly abundantly

2009-07-11T13:13:00.000-07:00

God is indeed doing exceedingly abundantly all i ever ask think or imagine of.

Yeah, life has been great. how bad could life ever be with God around amen? haha, just wanna talk about the awesome preaching Pst Bernard spilled with us on friday evening and i so look forward to sunday's session! hurray to the optimal, cos i'm on HOPSI! :) close encounter with such a man of God. Thank God. Besides, he is really phenomena! Think about it, so up there in the world, Chancellor of some woohoo association, advisor of one of the richest man in the world! God has indeed blessed this man. i never regret running this race in God. Goodness, i'm so excited, i don't think i can sleep anymore. Life is really on the mundane, but yes, i will live on. :) a higher purpose, and a higher calling in life. One day when i grow up, my life is gonna touch and impact much much more people in this generation. I may be simple and young now, what i own might not attract people, but what i possess certainly draws the crowd to amazement. I'm a princess, mind you. There's no limitation to what and who i shall be. heh heh, a succesful multi billionaire who also serves in church, part time worship pastor, and counselor. :) then,i can also bless so many people when i am blessed. I will fly around the world assisting my pastors in their work internationally, and i will begin to reach out to the people of the nations even further. Therefore, i'm running on this exciting journey in life! God makes life exciting for me!

i may not have what others have, i certainly have what i need. :)

God is good all the time, i love Jesus! love people, love life.

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

Esther. a note for you.

2009-07-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

To my childhood and certainly beloved sister -Esther.

Here's what i want to tell you if you ever come across this entry.

First and foremost. I've read ur blog entry that reads: on a firm stand.(8July)

i have to say, you're getting better at your english. On another hand, it took me awhile to comprehend the words u used, tone, and all to understand what exactly ur plight is. Of course, God alone is one to judge. But on the other hand, have you ever considered that God is a good God and He certainly want us to be mentored and guided by people that are above us? Yes, sometimes we do get disappointed with them, but i still think that they do deserve a fair bit of respect from us.

Next, i should be one of which "people you used to see on sunday mornings", frankly speaking, peoples' judgements should'nt hold a thorn to you if you really are not as they think it is. Of course i'm not saying that they are perfectly fine and right to judge you, but i feel that sometimes we ourselves should think about ourselves -the way we present ourselves that imply certain indications of who we are on the inside can be given away through how we present ourselves on the outside -smth i learnt since i grown up. It may not be literal, but it certainly is visible. Especially through the way you speak and release words and the approach you take in handling your current circumstances. From this point of view, YOU CERTAINLY NEED HELP.

THINK AGAIN. Are u really seeking God? we know it ourselves best, i care not to spell-it-out. Because i still believe in your genuine need for God to move in your life.

You know you said that it saddens your heart to see a leader taking things into hand in a childlike manner, firstly, its one thing to take it in a childlike manner, its another to take it in a CHILDISH manner. Yet, it saddens me even more to witness this sight of the current you which spurs me forth to write this entry. Whatever ordeal you were referring to i will not pry to understand but i do hope you do come to ur senses what i'm trying to interpret here.

Look, I do agree that whomever you're trying to target this message to in this paragraph, you might have lost your respect. But have you ever considered that respect is reciprocal? Let me honestly ask you, do you really respect yourself in the first place? and, how many people in your life truly respect you. If you have a conscience and would think about it carefully, being respected for you are and being respected for what you are are 2 different response and reaction and it definitely relates differently. And, if you are receiving the same kind of response from people around you, who genuinely care for your welfare, then, maybe the problem really does lie with you.

Also, i definitely beared in mind before typing this. That is i certainly practice what i preached. That is what makes me able to tell you what is on my heart. Yet, it is not lecturing. And i say again, it is not a lecture. Even as i speak to you, i am learning and growing.

Dear me, your poor friend. Do you know one of life's greatest obstacles is to be misunderstood for the wrong purposes? Seriously, what benefit would it be if your friend were to save you from serious trouble rather than see you die? That benefit would only be having you alive. Please, think again. if your friend needs to give you excuses just to gain ur trust, then honestly, it just goes to show how you are as a friend yourself. People reflect the way they react as how you react.Understand?

Then, you thank God for showing u ur friend's true colours. Let me tell you honestly, everybody has a good and a bad side. But why does it have to be that when ur friend's with you, you see her bad side? And having said that, how has that made you stronger in anyway? by hardening your heart even more??? It definitely is against God's will to bring you on a spiral downwards.

Then, we go back to where you came from. Boy, why did you let ur shut mouth eat from within? You knew where all these were going did'nt you. Why did'nt you pick the right time to say the right things at the right time? than to say the right things at the wrong time which perhaps, has resulted in a big NO NO. Then, i ask you what exactly is wiser way of putting ur point through by voicing it on ur blog? Won't that seriously conjure more misunderstandings? Won't ur readers think of you as not being able to put it on a face to face basis? To me, people who resort to bloggers communication really are cowards. I mean, if you have to stoop to this level to tell people you are not happy with them, it just goes to show that you're not happy with them, but you can't tell them face to face because of some reasons. Well, i dunno what that is, but it certainly is not of a thing i would do to pose my attacks on.

Facts and logic? You need the TRUTH not those.

And who has labelled you atrociously as whatever is it? I certainly have not. I love you no matter what has become of you today, you're always that friend i grew up with playing swings, chatting, playing and all. Yet, one thing i need you to know, you are who you think you are. Nobody can ever label you if you do not accept their marks on your life. You be what you want to be because in life, these are just limitations, but if you choose to believe in God seriously, there'll be no limitations. Think about it seriously.

Honestly speaking, as a friend watching you, the thing about you is that you've never rally changed you see. Its just that you've been controlling yourself utmost emotions, suppressing it within in the past. There is an obvious difference between releasing it, and becoming wiser or mature, because if you were really mature and wiser now, the way you respond to the circumstances in your life, would be totally different. Yes, you may be an unique individual, i agree. But i bet a 100 times with you, if a matured individual facing the same plight as you, would have taken things differently, turning away from what i call, a cyclic pattern. Its a vicious cycle.

Think about it, if you're really not naive, blur and the old you, would you be where you are today? you probably would have walked into the destiny God absolutely planned for you.

For your information, the sun does shine all the time. I'm serious. Its clouds that comes in place that will block the sunshine from us. BUT, it is what that is within you that will cause you to fly above the storms that make you remarkable. On note, my advice to you, accept responsibility.

Finally, to end it off here, i do love you and hope the best for you. Whether this hits you hard anot, i do hope it shakes some sense into you. If i had not cared for you, i would'nt have typed this note. Catch my heart girl, i mean you well. This would not benefit me in anyway at all. Infact, being so busy in life, i don't have to entertain such a childish note from you. but as a matter of fact, i love you that is why i'm doing this regardless of what you may think of me. I could have slept in preparation of a powerpacked busy day tomorrow, but if i were to sleep and not do something, as a friend, i fail to hang out with you, even more, as a spiritual sister, i totally fail.

Let me tell you honestly, i believe in the power of God, and i strongly believe that God has placed you in my life for a reason. I have been praying for you recently above the countless names i pray on the list, you are one special one. Don't doubt my heart for you, but seriously think and consider before your next response. The lifetime of opportunity comes with an opportunity of a liftime. Won't you truly start to seek ur purpose and find ur place in God? you're smart, and a logical person, i believe you can make the right decisions in life. Above all these, i believe in you.

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

What a pleasant surprise!

2009-07-10T10:48:00.000-07:00

Whoa.

It was totally mind-blowing to have Dr A R Bernard in our church today!! IT totally blew me away. jaw-dropped when he mentioned those theological features. I mean, i could go on listening and not getting tired of it. Besides, he is really the pst of a 30000 over member church.Mind you! He's only a part time pastor! haha. Inspiring indeed. Oh alright man, i'm so glad that the CEG has brokethrough attendance of over 60, indeed, we own half our faith target now, the our Cg has lighter burden! :) Alright, back to issues of the heart. this week, was'nt really as abundant as other weeks, but lo and behold, the future's always more amazing! I'm gonna go on preaching and talking about the wonders of God. :) That's my life calling i guess. See, i have completely yielded my life to God for whatever HE wants me to do for Him. Of Course God is a good God and He would want me to suffer voluntarily -sacrifice. A call to living an others-centred life. When i heard he dreadful news from Pst Kong,i knew that my heart would just sink at the thought of wanting so much to reach the other part of the world that is in need. There and then, i purposed in my heart, that i may not have gold or riches right now to bless that nation in need, but when i grow up, i will surely have my part in giving to these. Besides, i would also have the ability to go out into the lands where love is needed most. I would also be the hands and feet that Jesus needs for my generation of people in need. God will take the best years of my life and make it His, set forth to break it, mould it as according to His will, plans and glory that i will begin to multiply. In His kingdom, i will remain. In His empire, i will continue to grow as i continue to build. God is good all the time. He knows the desires of my heart and He knows what i need and what i do not need. The Lord is my shepherd i shall not want. But i will seek First His kingdom and His righteousness, that what i need will be added unto me.

Know yesterday, i made a trip down to Cineleisure to visit one of my sheep but she was'nt there. I took that opportunity to do smth else anyway. On my way home, i saw 2 person fighting beside the busstop. I guess this 2 persons were related by blood. They were punching and pulling each other's hair. Mind you, the guy looks younger than the female, but he punched her anyway. They were really rowdy, and i walked past them heart full of emotions welling within. I felt that i could dial for police anytime. In the end, i missed it, they stopped fighting and came to the bus stop anyway. There was a minor tiff after awhile, but it died off eventually. The woman boarded the bus and left while the man or boy just disappeared from the vicinity.

Know as i was observing both of them, i could just tell that they were'nt really educated people. But beyond that, i knew that i would never have a relationship that will end up like that. See, be it they were mother and son, or husband and wife, i never would want t use violence in my family. no doubt we may not get along well with each other sometimes,but i will commit and i make a pre-made decision here and now that i will not use violence to try resolving my issues. I think that it is really important that violence should never be induced into a family. The bible says that a gentle answer turns away wrath, and it takes two hands to clap. i would definitely heed the voice of God in any heated situations and not act on impulse should i ever get into serious circumstances with anybody next time. I will not let that happen in my friendships, furthermore my relationships with my family or anybody else. Also, that's why though sometimes when i seem 2b very violent, attempting to punch someone(for fun), i will nvr be ale to bring myself to hit the person hard cos its just not me to attack people. Even mum said that i've been like this since young. I'm a gentle kid. :) Thank God for that.

Also, i believe that God has a great destiny for me, why should i let them all lie in waste because of violence right? wisdom holds it that gentleness overwrites. :) Also, another important virtue i'll carry in life in any relationship i have especially with my future husband would be trust. No matter what, i will always trust and support my husband. :) I may eventually end up not marrying someday, but trust is essential in any relationship and that is what i seek to own. :) I TRUST YOU
:)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

So inspired to climb these spiral stairs :)

2009-06-27T11:47:00.000-07:00

HEY!

Feel so encouraged man! Was just talking to one of our regulars in my connect group and was actually checking her database details to talking about spiritual stuff. I think it was really good, as i spoke with her, i could sense an openness in her spirit. And i'm so spurred to draw her closer. i basically shared and encouraged her to pray and seek God to ask Him how He wanted her to reach out to people. The specific steps. I shared with her about the different encounters we can have to hear God's voice. Then somehow i just shared with her about getting the devotion "Everyday with Jesus for new christians". She really wants to get it and began to build her foundation in God espcially in this season of her life where she needs God the most. I was so inspired to climb these sets of stair to leading people towards God, seeing their lives changed for God for a lifetime. Their step into a great destiny spurs me even more. Tomorrow, is another life touching moment. I'm gonna pray for anointing tonight to bring my sheep to another level. i was also so encouraged to hear this regular wanting to keep drawing closer to God, and sharing her life stories with me, about her close encounter to knowing God when she was little and all, and how hungry she was for the word of God. This life, is gonna be touched, saved and used to be glorified for God! I will personally witness the growth of this spiritual scene. :) its coming forth! Rise up further! :)
Oh! gotta share with you smth on my heart too! :D nth spiritual abt this just that it encourages me to know that God recognises what's precious on my heart. haha. I've always yearned to be an impactor of ppl's life. Where ppl would just be inspired by me, and be encouraged or inspired to be just like me, running this race with me :)

Today, i met this girl Zhou jie who wanted to know me since i know when. haha, it felt so good to have inspired one person that out rightly expresses her longing to be my friend. :) Zhou jie, you rock man. haha, you've encouraged me to come higher in God to impact more lives. Thank God.

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

My greatest love is you

2009-06-25T12:32:00.000-07:00

MY GREATEST LOVE IS YOU
HILLSONG Key: D
Worship

D
EVERY NEW DAY
YOUR F#m7
GLORY UNFOLDS
G2
FILLING MY EYES
WITH YOUR Asus
TREASURES UN A
TOLD
THE Bm7
BEAUTY OF F#m7
HOLINESS
BRINGS G2
WORSHIP A F#m7
NEW
Em7
MY GREATEST Asus
LOVE IS D
YOU A/C#

CALL ME G
DEE Dmaj7/A
PER
Em7
INTO YOUR Asus
GRACE A

THE Bm7
RIVER THAT F#m7/A
FLOWS
FROM THE Em7
HOLY Asus
PLACE A

G
WASH OVER ME
Dmaj7/A
CLEANSING ME THROUGH
Em7
MY GREATEST G/A
LOVE IS D
YOU

This song touches on the depths of my heart. the things that i've always wanted to express. the most powerful to me, is the line that emphasizes that my greatest love is God. no matter what happens, no matter come what may Jesus i love you. :) That's the song i wrote isn't it?

Jesus, I love you:

You were always there
no matter where
everytime
even though

sometimes my heart may waver about
yet you caught me
and you cared for me

Jesus i love you
i love you
i will live my life for you
no matter come what may

Jesus i love you
i love you
forever i will worship you
forever i will say
Jesus i love you

simple but speaks my heart of commitment and love for God. :)

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG

Giving into God's kingdom!

2009-06-21T01:10:00.001-07:00

Good afternoon!

i woke up feeling light and chirpy this morning! i had a great time yesterday after encountering God, hearing Him and obeying Him. :) I was challenged to give God my all, in terms of my next month's pocket money, also an hour of quality time to God as well. :D Its a breakthrough of my life NOW> the turning point of a mundane life into a life full of purpose! :D People work's great, also when God say He takes care of it, He really takes care of things amen? haha, so spurred to climb up another level and not return to square one again. :D Yesterday, was so funny cos i met Ivan on the journey home! :) I love hanging out with my leaders. i learnt something even though we did'nt talk much, but i learnt a characteristic of a leader is to love people! Though Ivan was feeling unwell, he let me sit on the available seat. When i gave up the seat to him, he rather let the old man sit. haha. So giving. i want to be like that too. Giver mentality! :) Also, i did quiet time this morning, i was praying for people, i just felt God moving another level on. Though i felt my self like peter walking on water, staking my life for God, i know that God will take care of my needs when i give Him my best. :) had a bible study session about the armor of God, not done yet, but really am heeding the voice of God's instruction in building His empire. Know that it is more than the physical, so this season touches on the spiritual area. :D God is good all the time! :)

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
AnEBFG

Powerful life story

2009-06-19T01:03:00.000-07:00

Hey there!

Earlier on, i was just preparing to go to Desiree's place to work out and swim in the morning, but then, my sis took the house keys and locked me up at home. So, i had no choice but t stay at home. I was pretty frustrated initially, but i managed to calmed down and not let my emotions affect my reactions. I went to slp. After falling asleep and waking up, God spoke into my spirit telling me to pray for the Connect group as i had promised. haha,i mean, if i promised God, i should do it right? As a result, i prayed there and then, covering every name in my connect group. Somehow, God led me in my spirit to pray for them for things i have never seen before. It was like revelation and i begin to see how God could lead me to pray for the individuals. yet, i can't reveal it out, but just keep praying. I am so going to cling onto God and His spirit to guide me on. In the next few hrs, before i leave to Desiree's house, i will be hanging the laundry and probably catching up a little on econs. But meantime, before i go off, this is the highlight of today:

MY REVELATION :)

I was praying and seeking God for greater understanding to His word, and an encouragement from Him that will spur me on this track of life. God gave me Genesis 39:3. This verse encouraged me and spurred me on to keep reading on to the next verse and so on. It says: "And his master saw that the LORD was with him, and that the LORD made all he did to prosper in his hand"

you know , just a brief background of this passage, is that Joseph was sold to Egypt by his brothers because the were jealous of him as his father loved him the most. Yet, in this misfortune, Joseph never gave up drawing closer to God, at the same time, God never gave up on Joseph, in fact, we can see that God has been protecting Joseph through his life. In this particular verse, it hit me that the reason why Joseph found favour in the eyes of men is because God's favour upon Joseph was so strong that everything that Joseph touched became prosperous. :) Joseph must have had a deep and strong connection with God that the touch of God became so obvious to the people around Joseph, to the extend whereby even Potiphor (Joseph's master) could see that the Lord was with Joseph and God had made everything prosper in his(Joseph) hands. Isn't it awesome to have a God that will want good for us in every　way? ：）

Today, my heart's cry is to let God show so strongly in my life that people may see for themselves that God is good, and with Him in my life, i will prosper in everything that i do. :)　How about you today?

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
AEBFG

touchedF0REVER: To know your name

2009-06-17T11:58:00.000-07:00

touchedF0REVER: To know your namehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnvlpNVQocw&NR=1

touchedF0REVER: To know your name

2009-06-17T11:57:00.000-07:00

touchedF0REVER: To know your name http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnvlpNVQocw&NR=1

To know your name

2009-06-17T11:21:00.000-07:00

Hey there

I'm home alone with the dog right now. I was sitting at the table screening some kind of American reality tv show on fashion. I was just thinking to myself on the things that occurred in my life. I just started to see how much a scar can matter so much to a person's life. I was just wondering to myself how sad it is to be defined by society. To not have your own voice but to be miserable about what people see and think about you. I thank God that i'm born His. I thank God that i'm born in this royal family, and its royal blood flowing through me. Also, i was thinking abt the revelation that i got from yesterday while i was touched by God during Charleston's revival meeting. This season, i really sense God picking us up again. Built into spirituality. That's the season that God has knitted into my spirit. That is why i was so anguished when i saw the people not seeking God from their hearts. I don't know how to explain it, but sometimes, it really discourages me as a leader to see that my people are no longer hungering for the presence of God. Yet at the same time, i realized that my touch with God has been pull apart too. I too, need to come closer to the Heart of God. God has indeed revealed the things of the spirit to me in my spirit, but i have been too human and not trusting in Him. That is why i failed to recognize the voice of God. Then again after service yesterday, i encountered God once again and His peace has descended upon me, guiding me and showing me to another realm in the spiritual. This is what i wrote in my journal:

Today was really powerful and a breakthrough. It was Charleston preaching for today's(yesterday)service and it hit on being a generation of people that would begin to hit our potential. Spirituality is another hit point and now i believe that God has indeed spoken to me clearly. I was the unsure being over here. Yet, i need to continuously press on, hearing on the voice of God. In my spirit i could hear a heave of encouragement from God that have what it takes to come up to greater heights. There's something special about me that very rare people have. Its the touch of God, the anointing and calling that God has upon my life. The devil tries hard enough to seize it from me, yet i will stand strong for my God. To me, God says: "since you have such an asset, won't you take it and run with it, giving Me your Best will and potential to run on this heritage I have given you. multiply it. Don't let go of it because it is the touch of God upon your life. My stand -YES. I will Run with it, safeguard it and align it with my life. Setting my heart right.

Here's what Go spoke to me while Charleston touched me spiritually as he prayed for the leaders. God said: "I'm EXPANDING YOUR HORIZON" I asked Him a few questions, though i can really remember, but all i remembered were questions that He just nodded His head and said "uh-hmm, uh-hmm" That was how GOd responded to me. :)

God has seized my burdens, lightened my load and given me His yoke.
i will seize every moment now, tightening my belt and growing even more in Him

Even for the issues on my heart, God says He'll take care of it.
Therefore, I have NOTHING TO FEAR! :)

God is good, all the time

I WILL LIVE TO BUILD HIS KINGDOM, HIS EMPIRE AND THIS ZONE.

love,
HannaH
BGAEmpire

Excited! can u feel the buzz? :D

2009-06-13T13:29:00.001-07:00

Hey There!

i'm so excited about this season man. I think it was really a breakthrough. I meant i totally enjoyed hanging out with the new people like Angeline and Joy. Went crazy to the MAX> together with Desiree dance moves and debates..boi! We sure are another bnch of crazy people man! But i think today was great too. Pst Troy preached in the service abt prayin in the spirit. i Thank God for hearing my cry. It was just that as i was praising and worshiping, i started to feel like a lousy person like not being able to get my people to come for service or what, also felt like such a failure in not being able to lead my sheep closer to God in the spiritual realm. Also felt that the new batch of people were not as open to things of the Spirit, and i was just discouraged and at my wits' end. I simply came before God in the worship and humbly surrender all to God telling Him that i trust everything into His hand. I am helpless. Then as i heard Louisa's testimony, God comforted me in my spirit that He is there. I think God's really cool, and no matter what the world may offer, i seek no reason why i should trade anything else for God. Born into this family, love in this family. God is Great and no matter what, i will keep drawing closer to Him. everything and anything can fail me, but God never fails. Nothing can ever draw me away from God, not even the person who stands close to my heart. That's my decision, my pre-made decision. For even if i never get married one day, i become an old hag, i will never leave God because of my insecurities. Yup.

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
KEEPSTRIKING!!!

An ordinary day

2009-06-10T08:50:00.001-07:00

Hey!

Yup yup yup. Its an ordinary day today. Talk abt the trip to Ajc after powerhouse. Boi, the heat and the heatiness from within. i was bedridden for a few hours figuring out how i could make myself feel better with the heat within, and the dryness that covered me. Hot day. Anw, met owner of fashion store 77th street, Elim Chew. Really liked the way she presented things. Gonna be like her one day. Love the way she leads life. I'm gonna be like this one day. I will certainly live through an ordinary day an extraordinary life! Life's gonna be exciting and FUn! Think i caught the flu bug. boi. need to rest well and live life to the fullest. Studying hard this vacation to get out of the god-forsaken school. Move on to another level in life. :)I may not have what others have, i certainly have what i need to have.

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
KEEPSTIRKING!!!

Living life charging! :)

2009-06-09T09:14:00.000-07:00

Hey there,

just wanna say that i have no time to update too man things. Just wanna highlight that Aunt's gone to China, left her laptop with me for 8 days. Also, recently i've been growing stronger in God. Running with a clear vision and purpose in life. I will rise up further. I will live for Christ. Also, i miss Pastors and Rinnah as they are taking a tip away from this land, i really miss them all. :) BUt anyway, i'm really tired. gonna KO anytime soon :) Gd nite! Busy but still loving life!

Love,
HAnnah(TEN)2.0
KEEPSTRIKING!!!

hahhs Thinking about life

2009-05-31T04:12:00.000-07:00

Hey there,
on reception duty right now. was just thinking abt service today! haha, i think it rocked. As i was sitting there, i was just thinking about the song that i wrote years ago. it goes like this:

Sat in my room, thinking bout the world today
all that happened, and all that is left to say
this time, i think about the life i lead
yesterday tomorrow and today

all of my life, what has its meaning to me?
everytime i'm doing something
and everytime i see, its meaningless to me
the things i do, the way i go just goes on and on...

but suddenly i see the picture coming in
the meaning of my life is found (whoo)

you're the only one, i need
Jesus Christ the one, i seek
tell the whole world that
you're the risen one
who shed your blood and gave your life
for the meaning of my life

you're the only one, i need
Jesus Christ the one, i seek
tell the whole world that
you're reason i live for
You're the meaning of my life

.......................................................

I think that this song really speaks a lot from my heart, and it expresses my thoughts and emotions that will allow me to pull through the tough times in life. i once remebered that i was told that i was a fast thinker and that God could use me because i was a thinker. That line has impacted me since and allowed me to believe in myself that i could carry out tasks that i always thought i was incapable of doing. I have purposed in my heart that i will live up to God's expectation of me. What He has pre planned for me in this walk of life, and no matter what the outcome of life may be, it certainly will be a great one. Whether or not God's promise to me comes true, i will live an extraordinarily fun and interesting life, exciting and godly life! MY GOD WILL NEVER FAIL ME. i may be young now, i may seem immature to the eyes of some, sometimes even i feel that myself, but God's given me confidence and assured me that i'll turn out greater than what anyone could imagine. Its beyond their expectations. :) I'm gamed for it man! Alright man! :)

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
KEEPSTRIKING!!!

Right now (nanana)

2009-05-21T00:46:00.000-07:00

heycha!

Right now in the school library. Think its really cool. I like the life i'm living this week. Busy but fun and Exciting. Though the only bad thing is that i've been late for two days already. i'm in danger zone. But i'm gonna make things happen. Gonna wake up n be early for school. haha. I can't get into anymore stupid toruble anymore man. ON THE VERGE OF GETTING INTO SERIOUS TROUBLE. haha. Okays, i think church's so cool these days. We've a new bbal hoop in church, was playing with the people in church bbal ytd after hospi duty. My pastors can shoot well man. Besides, i think Ivan shoots well too. haha. MY leader rocks! haha. wanted to go home with Ivan and the rest, but because i had to go home asap, i coould'nt afford to wait for the bus any longer. :( if it were the weekends, i would definitely hang out with my leader! i think i really enjoy times i spend in church. I love serving Pastors and my leaders. Pastor Lia is so nice. She stopped too even show concern for me. haha, my face is bad. I need to consult aunty Yan Ping. Its what Pastor told me to do! haha. yesterday rocked!! :) Red Rain! ROCKS! :D xD wanna go church Right now (nanana)

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
KEEPSTRIKING!!!

Likes this day, but Loves the future even more! :)

2009-05-10T09:41:00.000-07:00

HihIhi! :D

I love the future. I can't wait for the day i rise uo and be a part of the dream team. :) I love working around pastors. I love working around my leaders. :) It is great having wonderful pastors who saw what could have blossomed in us. haha. Can't wait can't wait. His promises will definitely come to pass. :D

LOve,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
KEEPSTRIKING!!!

Feeling empowered! :)

2009-05-06T14:34:00.000-07:00

Hi there!

I feel so empowered! it must have been the lack of sleep that caused my heart to feel so heavy. haha, i feel awesome now. i've waited on God, and yes God has spoken to me in His still small voice. Yet, i need to further wait on Him that i may fully catch what He wants me to hear. haha, i think living a life with God is really great. I think its really awesome having Jesus in my life and i'm gonna fly and breakthrough in LIFE! :) God will bring me through. Anw, i was sitting on the bus yesterday evening after i spoke to this guy from school who alighted before me. He is Gets's friend. but anyway, i heard God speaking into my spirit after he alighted the plans that he has for this young man. God shared His strategies with me, or rather, the things he would want me to do to take this guy higher in Him. i think God is good. He knows me from the inside out and he knows of what capacity i'm able to hold. God is good, and He will never leave me nor forsake me. God rocks, and He will see me through. :) Soon, i'll be writing my revelations on His word over again. Its the season to be back to BASICS. God is gonna build on my foundations again. :)

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
KEEPSTRIKING!!!

WHA sian :( yet EXCITED abt REDRAIN :)

2009-05-05T09:02:00.000-07:00

hey there.

A little bit sian here today. Didnt go to school again today. think i need some time alone. Right now i feel myself stuck with somethings that i can't contemplate either. i woke up this evening trying to figure out what exactly i'm sian about. i feel my spirit dampened. i feel my mood getting down over the days. and it swings from one end to another end. Lost my purse. money, nric and most precious, my photographs that are inside. hmms. sian sian sian. ALso there are other issues of the heart lah. but that's between me n God alrd. Still, i'm not ready to let things go n fly by just like that. i will live a life that's great so long as i live. I hv one life, i'm gonna live it right. nobody's gonna decide what i want to do. Nobody's gonna decide my destiny. Only God can. but still, its between me and God to draft things out and see where my future leads. cya.

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
KEEPSTRIKING!!

the days are always AWESOME :)

2009-04-25T13:25:00.001-07:00

YO YO!

I'm so excited today!!! haha, had a nice long chat with mum. I love my mummy! When she's soak in God's presence especially. amazing woman of God. haha. WISE. :D Cos i was really disturbed by this guy from FCBC who has been preaching the word of God to people around in school. No offence to him, and greatest respect. But i was just disturbed. Yet, i had no idea how i should handle this guy. When i shared with mum. WOO HOO> Champion. not gonna go into great details what mum shared, but just say those things she really impacted me with. She taught me how to quote scriptures back to challenge this guy. He asked faith-filled, if we believed that our school can become a missionary school in 2 years. I had no idea how i should reply him with wisdom, without hurting him. mum said that i should ask him if he actually heard it from GOD. If that was really what his pastor said, and what he heard from God. Then mum also went on to there's a season for everything. When Jesus was alive, He did'nt go every where to preach to people because there is a season for everything. The scripture mum quoted was the story about Jesus healing the lame man, and He warned that man not to tell people that Jesus healed him. Firstly, why did Jesus do that? Because He knew that Seeds would have be sown to doubt. That man disobeyed Him, as a result, this caused Jesus to not be able to do God's work in that land. The will of God was not fulfilled because of that man's big fat mouth. Wow. Mum's awesome. Want her brain someday. haha :D

Speaking about personal revelation, God is so good, to have encouraged me over and over again. As i ws in service, God show me so many visions to lift my spirit which was dampened by issues of the world. For example, school, and the house issue. I am really quite bothered by these 2 issues. But, God saved the day! He really lifted me higher!!! He also spoke to me of something else. But i shan't say anything about that for now. I will wait til it has come to pass then will see. :)

Anyway, i'm so gonna impact my world. Rather, i'm gonna sleep first!! good night!!

p.s i miss Brenda. haha, she's so cute. like a younger sister to me. :DD

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
KEEP STRIKING!!!

and i say it to myself.. what a wonderful day! ;D

2009-04-19T12:18:00.000-07:00

Hi there!

I think its really awesome havign to be able to spend a long day in church. Without having to slp the past few nites proper. Know recently i've been playing sims2 and i think its really addictive.
haha, But today, God challenged me to give Him my best again.
haha. Like God, i am so willing to. haha, so i'm so gonna cut down playing sims2, but love people, life and God even more. There's so many reasons why i'm so joyful today!
Firstly, talk about Angie. Phenomena. Told her to call me, she did'nt but anw, Over the so many days, i was'nt able to really talk much to her, thus, i could only visit her at her workplace. though situation might not seem as ideal, she's coping well, but she made it to church even w/o having me to check with her whether she was coming anot. I think it is really really cool. i think i'm just gonna hang out with her on tuesday or wednesday afternoon. We'll see how it goes. haha
I really wanna spend sometime with her, but anw, i think its a sign God is putting in my life to start praying fervently for people. Praying specifically, cos when i do so, God's power starts falling into place again.

Secondly, Rinnah is so cute! Adorable kid! Like my little sister!! haha, i love Rinnah man! Reminds me of myslef when i was little. haha, So many things about her to talk abt. Just have to say it in person. So, not going much into that. :D

Thirdly, I was just hanging out at Admin office after service, waiting for Debbie to finish her ops briefing. Apparently it was pretty long, so i just stood ther playing with Rinnah. Pst Lia saw and greeted me. It was the best greet my pastor would ever give to me. haha, it made me feel really welcomed. Especially like i felt like i was part of the dream team in the office!

Fourthly, going home with Ivan and gang ws really fun. haha. I think i treasure such times alot. whr we get to know people from other zones. I love hanging out with hui min. She is another song maniac man. My my she knows the songs of my generation. haha. I love traveling home. :)

Finally, Visiting Angie gave me that sense of fulfillment. Like, At least i was doing something to show angie that i love her and cared for her. I'm so challenged to jsut start encouraging the people around me through little things int he next few days.

Haha, what an awesome awesome day. God has challenged me to come closer and to rise up higher. i'm so gonna breakthrough in freedom, and achieve the best through the best of my availabilities, and serving Jesus til the end of time. I will remain in Christ. Serve in Hogc for the rest of my time. HOGC is my home.

OH! I gotta talk with my people about my revelation. Next step is to chllenge Angie to give God tithe regularly, Albert to come for CGs, Angel to come above busy schedule. Above all these is to pull them closer to my heart, and God's love. :)

i love God, people and Life! ;)
i hope you do too!

Love,
HAnnah(TEN)2.0
KEEPSTRIKING!!!

Hmmms. What a day.

2009-04-08T00:53:00.000-07:00

Hey there!

haha,finally able to blog again!
haha, sad thing is that my internet has crashed at home. But anyway, that's not the point. haha, i'm now at gramps. mymy. he has a new fridge... so cool. It can dispense water directly from the door. :D i've got lotsa catching up to do. My work... hais. i need to get into the local university!! haha, okays gotta go! Fighting against all odds! :) Tata!YJC revival!! haha yayS!

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
KEEP STRIKING!!!

So embarrassing!

2009-03-25T07:29:00.001-07:00

Hi!

juSt came home from bbaling at BCC, or what's that u call it. haha. I dunno exactly know why i feel so emotional but aft a break at Macs, my Yj friends n i decided to go to the nearby bbal court t play bbal. Yeah, we played all the way til 720pm odd. :) The most embarrassing inccidence occurred while playing bbal with outside guys. One of the guys was wearing a yellow gabrielite shirt, while another a blue one and yet another who was in black from head to toe. Well, whole time thru the game, i was marking this black guy shirt. It was to the point that we began joking around in the midst of the game.Personally,i think he was pretty cute n good looking. But it was so awkward playing bbal cos there were so many awkward occurrences during the game between him n myself. Not particularly his fault, but i felt so stupid. Should hv worn my jacket along when playing bbal. I forgot. I did'nt realised it would be such a rough game. hmms. Anw, what to do? Its not his fault neither mine. Haha, just hopes that if we meet nx time, we can be good friends. haha, not remembering the awkwardness. let's just move on in life man. :)

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
KEEP STRIKING!!!

Crazy crazy day!!!!

2009-03-21T10:54:00.000-07:00

Hahahaha!

Whoa.... haha, it was quite a dose of humour today...
haha. PSt Sy Rogers was really really good. haha, he's really humourous. And he's also very engaging. haha, like when he speaks, i really don't feel that time flies.Besides all the Sy talk, that whoa! Occupied me, there was this particular inccidence that occurred on the train. haha, Fedora, Wenqi, Jiajia, Deleon, Peishan n her friends tgt with Alton n the otr guy were on the train tgt. haha, we were heading to towards Cityhall. Anw, what happen was that there was this man who outta the blue screamed in the train, saying "Okok, Enough! Shh...." we laughed. "Okok, i know i know... i know what you're laughing at" We laughed. "my wife tell u to behave..." (wife tuggs at his sleeve) haha, so funnie rite? haha, can't imagine how his wife lived with him. The whole point abt it is that we were'nt noisy in the first place.
haha, but being provoked, we just got noisier by nature..
Anw, whole point is dont mess with YOUTHS.
Yeah i'm turning in NOW. haha, i think parenting is really gonna be so fun n so cool! haha, but First, its get married, then mate.
haha my my, ppst Sy's so cute. haha. i'm so looking forward to getting married to the one i love. haha, but for now, i really wanna enjoy my youth and give my best For Jesus Christ! i love Jesus all my life. :) Its a pact, a promise. A journey i will stick to no matter what.

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
KEEP STRIKING!!!

Impossible to find

2009-03-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

Hey there,

I just returned home from a wasted trip to mediacorp.hmms, should hv gone there earlier. now the receptionist has kept all scripts off and away from the convenience of the cisco guards..
haha, nvrm. Shan't be so small abt life anymore. Today Pst How preached a great sermon on offence. How offence can actually lead to a person's downfall. I think it really was powerful except for the point on which i was really falling asleep. I bet Pastor must hv seen it. But its the problem of my reflexes. I hv to work smth abt it. hah, anyway, CVD was quite successful today. I could hv told u so much if u were there today. We had our freaking principal dunked into the dunking pit, but could'nt get up and out of it. It was really embarrassing. Haha, but she's quite nice to patronize our stall in the canteen. Anw, the whole point i'm happy abt is that the products were sold!!! YES! ALL WERE SOLD. :) And besides, i'm glad that Yu hang and team won their talentime thingy! So proud of them man. They are my dearest from 125! 125 Rocks! haha, but i feel that i need to have this with B4. We need to build that strong bond with each other. haha. Anw, we also had Ivan talking with us abt having our Live, Processes in place so we can really do well i the JC. haha Its really true especially facing the temptation of having so ,uch fun etc. But i have decided to LIvE, be Spiritual, and have processes in life. I'm gonna do well for my A levels and get into a really good sch. :)I will keep going on in Christ! Cya~

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
KEEP STRIKING!!!

Alright man. Keep fighting on.

2009-03-10T10:19:00.000-07:00

hey,

So much has happened, now hdb wanns to take our home away from us. dad's the cause of it. Just don't understand how these ppl ever think it possible to take what is not theirs anymore. Or ever consider disrupting the lives of their children for the sake of other ppl's children. its really absurd. but it does'nt mtr anymore. Cos my decision's final. I will continue to battle on. And no matter what it takes for me t get into the local uni, i will. To work against what has been preset of me by my dad. I will definitely walk against the example a failed dad has set for me. i will not walk in his footsteps. I mean it, and i will do it. By God's strength, i will conquer n overcome. :) Adieu. jia yo darren. jia yo, hannah. jia yo evryone. :)

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
KEEP STRIKING!!!

Haha, Great day! Let's Live life forward, Learn from the Past.. :)

2009-02-18T06:33:00.000-08:00

Hi there!

Today, i was really puctual for school. I managed to pull through every lesson without slping, and i think i really grew from ytd. Well, i was late for school again, and it was alrd the 2nd time. Each person is given a grace period of only 3 times. thereafter, is a cahnce forfeited for suspention, possibly barred from my yr end promos.
but sometimes i really feel that its unfair to implement such strict rules for late coming. Its not like we deliberately wanna go to sch late. But sometimes we really mug late into the night. I think that this treatment is really unfair for people who live far from sch, and also pays an interest in what they are doing. I mean, if sch were'nt so strict with this late coming issue, or made situations more convenient, then, i bet we'll all know how to be better students. And being barred from our promos is another extreme measure taken to punish students who bother to come to sch despite their punctuality. take for example the fact that i could have gone to the clinic, fake an illness and collect a useless piece of paper which can save me the chance of being barred from taking my exams. i could have, honestly, more often than not, i witness my friends doing that, adn that's how they manage to save that so called "chance" to sit for their exams. I mean, isn't the college's mission to nurture leaders with passion and INTEGRITY?? would a college student ever learn to have integrity with no chance of learning, and cheat the whole system because of mere fear for not taking his/her examinations? You call that passion? or passion with no integrity? if i were the pricipal, i would have preferred the student who came t school even though he/she knew the consequences he/she had to face. Rather than having a student who chose not to face with consequences and chooses to escape this by buying M.Cs for the sake of escaping this "severe" penalty. Is this worth the effort? Is this worth it? By removing a student who could have potentially be the next top student, a great leader of the future, just because of turning up at school despite knowing the consequences one has to face? Come on. at this level, who would be so stupid as to not know there are ways to escape from facing the music, but to face it willingly? Higher authorities, think and consider this. Besides, this student has got no records of being a bad student or whatsoever. Should such severe penalty be implemented into the junior college system? This day i ponder about this.

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
KEEP STRIKING!!!

Great Harvest!

2009-02-14T09:21:00.000-08:00

Hi there!

Firstly, yayness for having an internet connection at home like.... FINALLY!!! thank God thank God thank God man!!! haha, God must have heard my long, persistent prayer for this. haha. I seriously think that life's great. now that i have great class of people in class. Though sometimes they may really be too opiniated, but overall, i think this class is a class i can run together with and reallybuild a genuine strong friendship! haha. Consider this, i've sat in class and observed the whole class interaction for moments in my life, and though really at certain times i get quite irritated at the way things are being handled, i thin the class overall has a sense of unity. For that,i put my vote on 125! We rock! After a few bonding sessions with them on friday, i got to personally know a few guys(also includes girls) in my class, and i really see them needing the touch of a genuine friendship. Boy it's so amazing how some of them can really be quite others-centred. And again for that, i love 125. :)

okays, back to back this few days really have been quite a kick start for the year 2009. :) Perhaps, i will say its a good start. For the last few days i've really been putting alot of focus on ppl work. i mean hanging around classmates, faith integration and even like chatting with outcasted ppl. Trying to pull them and include them into my circle. Perhaps, that's what i'm born for. a team player.

Today, heartfest 09 took place.it was phenomena, and i was really impressed when i heard that this event was really planned by the bulk of zone f ppl. They are small ppl with big hearts, and capabilities. i say they are truly awesome. wells, anw, incase u might b wondering what i was doing at a zone f event, wells, i was there to help out. Like to be a team leader and guide the ppl who came for the event just to make them feel comfortable, adn a part of the team. :D its like orientation number 2, just that its a smaller scale and a one day event. there's this small guy i came to know when i first said hi to him. he was only 11 yrs old, but he really mesmirized me. :) i mean he's just so so so cute. his name is ryan.. haha, don't woory, i'm no fido. :) just a loving person. haha. young ppl are my beloved. speaking of that, my dearest aashita was supposed to come, but she did'nt make it bcos of her mum. parents are unpredictable huhs...
haha, okays, its okay, i'm gonna get bps anw..but rite now i really need to quickly complete my econs research n slp!!! haha, Hospi report timing is @ 9am tmr! haha,good nites all! :D

Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
KEEP STRIKING!!!

One step at a time>> > >>

2009-01-12T02:44:00.001-08:00

Hi there!
Its simply awesome just having to have a long break from school this period of time!i'm getting all ready to just woo hoo! Cheong for the rest of the year, graduate to Jc2, and next year, just drive on to the NUS! Last weekend, i was really impacted by the word of God. STRIKING THE GROUND over and over again. Question posted was What in my life that i should keep striking. Answer is that LIVE. I've struggled with living for the whole of last year. I mean, going to meetings late, duty, everything was topsy turvy. But as i started to set my path right this year, i begin to put things in place. This is just the BEGINNING. The future is indeed amazing! haha, no amount of discouragement is gonna pull me down, and if i fall, its gonna be a one day thing eveything starts afresh the next day. His mercies are new everyday. i'm gonna be LOUD. Gonna study hARDER, gonna Pray Harder! Gonna sow and reap harder! yeah!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE HARDER! alright man!!!
Love,
Hannah(TEN)2.0
Keep STRIKING!!!

Big girls don't CRY.

2008-11-10T10:03:00.000-08:00

La da da da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter for my own protection baby To be with myself in center Clarity, peace, serenity
[chorus:]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry

The path that I'm walking, I must go alone
I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown, full grown.
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I forsee the dark ahead if I stay

[chorus:] I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside I need to be with myself in center
Clarity, peace, serenity Yeah

[chorus:] I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry

La da da da da da

Yeah, big girls don't cry. i collected my results today yeah, passed all H1 subjects and h2 Cse, failed my H2 Lit and econs. :) wells, not totally affected by my results though. I know that since the start it will be a tough ride through this year. and true enough it did'nt really go well the whole year through. The only enjoyable moments were the moments i got revelation from God, and the times i hung around ppl from church. yeah. I never felt so peaceful about retaining in my life before. i know that God has got the best plans for me. :)

Earlier as i showering, i was just thinking about my verdict and why i had'nt react the way i thought i should be reacting towards to. in my Spirit, God gave me a vision to run towards to. He said: " Hannah, though you might have retained countlessly, and this year has been a challenge of your faith, others may think and see it as a bad thing, but You are gonna run and fly from this moment on. you are going to be one used to glorify Me. You will be an encouragement to many around you, and to those who come around you."

I took it, and now i don't feel so bad about this at all. Although there are things i might have to face up to at a later stage, i have peace its all gonna go well. I know that my mum keeps thinking that my state is solely caused by my packed schedule of church activities. But honestly, i think its more than just that. God has it planned. there's no need to worry about. God has a wonderful future for me, and he knows what He's doing.

If you are there to read this mum, please know that it is not a co-incidence. Since the day you trusted me into His care. Your daughter is no 13 yrs old. Yes i might have made some lousy decisions in the past when i was immature, but also know that through all those is how i'm able to come into the promises of God. rmb that God is a faithful God, and He will not let anything go worng in our family since the day He said that He was your husband. Its not a lone thing He declared to you. being your husband meant that He would take care of us too.

I know that my schedule has got a lot of things, and sometimes its uncopable, but in the end, i still managed it pretty well did'nt i? If i did'nt start giving myself the chance to be busy, then in future, how am i going to cope the stress of a busy business person's schedule? if i have to keep relying on you to talk to my leaders and pastors about my inability to handle my time well, then when would i be given the chance to handle my life well on my own? I understand that you are my mum, and you are given the mandate to do certain things, i understand it, i totally know what it is, and that's why i honour and respect you. i give you the liberty to have my timetable and account to you for things that i know, understand, do and hear. But please understand that I'm no longer young anymore. I know what i can manage and what i can't. I know what i want and what in don't. i may not be able to understand certain things but i know that God is with me. Certain things are allowed by God. And many things i work by what i'm given to. I know clearly that i'm a person that works well by experience, and others can scrape through this time round, but i cannot, and i must not. because i know God has it planned out that i can shine like a butterfly at the end of it, for His glory. :)

i might have been fed up and upset a little when you said that you did'nt want to talk to me, but i 'm feeling alright now. Only God can make me feel this way. God is a God of peace, and as a disciple of Christ, i ought to settle things peacefully. i will do well for my A levels, don't worry. :) i love you mummy!

Hillsong United!!! The Stand Lyrics:
You stood before creation
Eternity in Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul to stand

So what can I say
And what could i do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

FOREVER I WILL STAND ON GOD'S PROMISES, NO COMPROMISE

Love,
Hannah (TEN) 2.0

Just wanna talk

2008-11-02T04:21:00.000-08:00

Hey,

I'm now on the bus, and i just wanna tslk a little bit. I'm listening to this song from the movie enchanted, so close, and i really like it. A feel of romance. Somehow there's some sense of nostalgia,I kinda miss that feeling i have towards God. Still can remember the vision He gave me, the little girl sitting upon my father's shoulder, more than anything it was the message behind the whole vision that i really love, something form my father's heart. He said that He loves me and just like that little girl I see in that vision, its me. He will carry me upon His shoulder for the rest of my life. He will protect me. it does'nt matter that my physical earthly father don't want me. He wants me, and that's what honestly matter to me. I may not have a physical father, but I know i have God, my heavenly father, the greatest of all Creation. In Him, i shall not fear. In Him, whom shall i fear, whom shall I fear?

The second thing i want to talk about is the dream i had sometime ago. Everytime i listen to this song, i remember that dream. My prince, who held my hand in danced with me in the ball. I was a princess, but he loved me. he took my hand and held it tightly to his heart. That was of course, just a dream. But i'm sure if ever i were to have a husband, God would give me a prince who would hold me close to his heart, and his to mine. :)

My royal dream. I loved it. But above my love, God would be my first love. my number one.

Title So Close
Artist Enchanted (feat. Jon McLaughlin)
Album Enchanted Soundtrack (2007) , Track 4

You're in my arms
And all the world is gone
The music playing on
For only two
So close togehter

And when I'm with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams must die
So I bid mine goodbye
And never knew
So close was waiting
Waiting here with you
And now, forever, I know
All that I want is to hold you
So close

So close to reaching
That famous happy and
Almost believing
This one's not pretend
Now you're beside me
And look how far we've come
So far
We are
So close...

Oh, how could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?

We're so close to reaching
That famous happy ending
Almost believing
This one's not pretend
Let's go on dreaming
Though we know we are
So close
So close, and still
So far...

Final Sunday!

2008-11-01T22:05:00.000-07:00

Hi there!

Today was really a cool day. I mean, though its only about 1pm plus, for the last day of the week, i'm actually at home! :) Its been a long long time since i've actually stayed home on a sunday. Kinda miss the things that i do. Anyway, I brought Ro out for walk at bishan park 2 earlier on, my goodness! for the first time in my life,i've seen my dog so elated. So elated until he does'nt want to go home. I think i should bring him out more often. I mean if i could. Leonard brought his dog, so did dexter. Its kind of cute meeting them with their dogs. Its quite a cool thing to have a dog, and i thank God for giving me a dog. Though really, financially, i'm really not fit to keep a dog, but by God's grace and blessings, I could actually keep a dog, not a cheap breed somemore. :) Thank God for everything! hah, i wanna go sleep alreay so tired! slept at 3 plus this morning, reached home at about 2plus am. Because i missed my last bus!!!! so irritating. Haha. okok, cya again. :)

Pray for Ting wei's cousin's invitation, Angie's dad invitation, Cheryl's dad invitation, personal invitation to friends on Monday especially. okays, ttyl. zzz.

Love,
Hannah (TEN) 2.0

whoa. not quite right.

2008-10-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

Hey there!

yeah, its 3.o2 am and i'm still wide awake! :) yeah. i'm wide awake. though i really feel like sleeping, i still have so much things to do. Besides, i really miss worshipping God. just staying in His presence can refresh me. :)

hAIS. WE'LL CHAT AGAIN. :)

lOVE,
HANNAH(ten) 2.0

LOYALTY

2008-10-13T23:39:00.000-07:00

HI

LIFE'S BEEN GREAT, SO MUCH HAD PASSED, AND GOD'S BEEN AWESOME-AS ALWAYS. YOU KNOW RECENTLY I JUST ENDED MY PROMOS EXAM AND I WAS JUST THINKING AND CONSIDERING MY NEXT STAGE AND POINT OF LIFE. PRAYING AND ASKING GOD WHAT'S NEXT. GOD TOLD ME TO SOAR AND FLY HIGHER THAN BEFORE. THOUGH I FEEL A LITTLE AFRAID, I'M STILL GONNA GIVE MY BEST SHOT. TO BE HONEST, I KNOW I REALLY DON'T MEET THE CRITERIA OF PROMOTING. BUT SOMEHOW, THERE'S STILL HOPE WITHIN. I MAY NOT PROMOTE THIS YEAR, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I HAVE PEACE IN MY HEART. I WASS WORSHIPING GOD FOR A SHORT WHILE, AND ITS ALWAYS AT MOMENTS LIKE THIS, I FEEL THE STRONG TOUCH OF GOD. HIS PRESENCE LINGERS EVEN AFTER WORSHIP. I WAS THINING IN MY HEART, WHAT A LONG WAY I'VE COME. I'M ALMOST IN CHURCH FOR 2 YEARS. IT HAS BEEN A BAD YEAR, AND IT'S BEEN A LONG WAY I'VE WAITED. IT'S ALMOST THE END OF THE YEAR, AND THAT'S WHEN I STARTED TO LOOK BACK IN TIME, REALISING HOW FAITHFUL GOD HAS BEEN TO ME, NO MATTER HOW UNFAITHFUL I'VE BEEN TOWARD HIM SO MANY TIMES. HE NEVER FAILS TO BE THERE FOR ME. I REMEMBER THAT WHEN I FACED MY CLOSE FRIEND'S DEATH THIS YEAR, IT WAS A SLAP OF REALITY ON MY FACE. I REALISED HOW EASILY PEOPLES' LIFE COME AND GO. NO DOUBT, I KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO HEAVEN, BUT I WAS STILL ANGRY WITHIN. I WAS'NT SURE IF HE ANGER WAS TOWARD GOD OR THE DEVIL OR MYSELF. THERE WERE SO MANY THINGS THAT SPARKED THAT ANGER,THIS RESULTED IN ME NOT BEING ABLE TO HEAR GOD AS CLEARLY AS BEFORE. AS I WAS WORSHIPPING, I REALISED THAT GOD IS GOOD, AND HE ALWAYS PLANS AHEAD. I REMEBERED SOMETIME LAST YEAR, THERE WAS A ZONE CAMP, AND CHARLESTON WAS PREACHING ON "OTHERS CAN, I CANNOT" THE SERMON WAS POWERFUL, BUT THE REVELATION FROM GOD WAS EVEN MORE POWERFUL. DURING ALTAR CALL, I WENT FORTH, I DID'NT KNOW THE LEADER WHO PRAYED FOR ME, I REALLY DID'NT WHO IT WAS UNTIL LATER ON. ALL I KNEW WAS THAT HE TOOK MY HANDS AND HELD IT WITH HIS THUMB AND INDEX FINGER, MAKING THE MARK OF CHRIST ON MY HANDS. AT THAT MOMENT, I ASKED GOD WHAT IT MEANT. THERE AND THEN, GOD SPOKE INTO MY HEART SAYING, "IN TIMES OF PAIN AND SUFFERING, WHEN YOU FACE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS, JUST REMEMBER THIS, I'M ALWAYS HERE, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE CARRYING YOU.. YOU WILL FACE MUCH MORE AHEAD, BUT JUST REMEMBER THIS, I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS YOU ARE MY PRINCESS" . THAT WAS THE TURNING POINT OF MY LIFE. MY POINT OF REFERENCE EVEN UP TO NOW. THOUGH THIS YEAR MIGHT HAVE BEEN A BAD YEAR, BUT GOD HAS MADE IT GREAT. THOUGH THERE'S BEEN SO MUCH PAIN AND SUFFERING, BUT GOD HAS MADE IT WELL.I WILL RUN THIS RACE FOR HIS SAKE. LOYALTY IS THE WORD I'VE MARKED MY HEART UPON. AND I'M PROUD AND GLAD TO SAY THAT I'M STILL FAITHFUL TO THIS DAY.

LOVE,
HANNAH (TEN) 2.0

The race

2008-09-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

Hi there

Finally i manage to hear God clearer than ever. Is God so small that I can't depend on Him in my walk of life?

i started out not so well this year. Its not going to be easy from this point, its the peak, or rather the slope in this period of my walk and life, i can say is really not easy. but you know what? with God on my side, would i be losing out man? God will not put me through something that I can't handle. right now, I must breakthrough my childishness. I will come through another level. I will emerge victorious at the end of race. Even if i were to retain, I will retain and study harder, doing better than anyone of them that promote. Its the start and the walk of my adulthood. I'm starting out afresh with God! :)

Love, Hannah 2.0

Beginning never end

2008-09-01T01:50:00.000-07:00

Hi there,

I wanna share something that has been on my heart recently. I think that all discouraged, sad, hurt and purposeless people should just know about this.

knowing that my friend passed away recently, I have admit, it was a tough time getting it of my mind, even up to now. It was really a struggle at that point of my life. But do you know what? I don't think i can ever forget or even hide it inside me. What I learnt through that season was that there ar emany things in life that occur sadly, but how we take it will determine our destiny.

For me, I cried over it umpteen times, i felt hurt, injured from the physical to psychological, and i hated it. I hated the emotional feeling and really hated the trauma i was going through. I mean, if anyone who knew me, would have seen that there was a season and period of time that I was really down, depressed and not myself at all. Even my classmates could tell that i was torn totally. I felt myself losing all sense and purpose, and drive of my life. Despite the various encouragements, nothing helped, the countless drive i had to take to motivate myself failed relentlessly. I lost all Hope, Purpose and Vision in life. I even started to neglect God.

But you know what? God never gave up on me. Even though He knew that I was unfaithful to Him alone, and I was just not living, He really remained faithful. In my walk with Christ, He has never failed to encourage or even disciple me. God would frequently remind me of my high calling and rebuke me to live up to standards, sometimes He would bring me back to His covenant and promises He made with me. Assuredly, He will never let me fall.

This season, I was just thinking to mydelf and I asked God if ever I could actually rise to a high level in my walk of life, in church and in the world. Regardless of the situation i'm in, God says i'm His esther and I have a high calling in Him. To me, will He instill character, confidence. To me, will He renew my mind and Spirit with his. To me, will He fulfill His promises.

I'm just so grateful for what I am today, for where I am at today. People can say and criticise all that I am, they may say all the things that can hurt me, or even become big in thrie eyes, but you know what, no matter how much or how big they see themselves as, the truth is i know my position in God, i know i am a royal preisthood, and i know my comfort, life and authority lies in the hands of the Father. With God with me, who can come against me?

coming to the end of my sharing today, I've just been thinking about the issue on focus. Focus. In my heart, I just have been thinking on whom do i place my focus in especially at where i am today, what am i to focus my eyes upon. pastors? leaders? myself? the end? the numbers? the growth? I tell you today, as long as i live, my focus lies in Jesus Christ. I always remember that leadership lies in the hands of God not man. What Ivan said was really true. We really can't depend on him, ultimately, he is still man. ultimately, he has to go to the army, and ultimately, it is not him that we're focusing on. the same goes with our pastors and other leaders. We should honour God before man. That's why i think that when we go to church, we must constantly and consistently remind and remeber ourselves our purpose and the heart behind coming to church.

That's why I am really prepared and ready to leave anything that draws and pulls me away from God. ;)

A new beginning and much more awaits me as i continue living and learning the way and the things that God planned for me to learn! RISE UP!

love, Hannah 2.0

Charge!

2008-09-01T01:37:00.000-07:00

Hi there!

Its really been some time since i've blogged. I just wanna update a little about my life. Well it was my birthday last Firday. I guess, God has heard my plea, or rather my heart. i must say that God is good all the time. Well, this year, I received the best of ALL worlds. I mean I can't explain more. But its really the first time I received a gift from my classmates, its not cheap, besides, my pw team treated me at Sakae last friday, besides that, my aunt treated me to pasta mania and a movie treat watching WALL.E and she alsos blessed me with $50. More than all these, my cell group, and leader gave me a great book by Pastor Cho, and I got a birthday card personalised from Charleston!! hahas, that's the coolest thing i can get this birthday man! Somemore, to day my close friend, Qi yuan treated me at a Japanese Restaurant @ Liang court, the meal was really not cheap. But I tell you its not abt the gifts that matter to me, its the heart. :)
Recalling so much, I can alsos rmb that my junior and her sister Meili specially celebrated my birthday under a void deck near my place. And I have to say that God's really a great God. He even blessed me with a sermon disc set by Pastor Tan Ye Peng yesterday when he came to preach in HoGC. God saw how much i wanted Him more than ever. God is good! It was His gift for me. :)

I'm proud to be a christian!

I'm really grateful towards God for all the encouragements my God, pastors, leaders, church mates and even friends gave to me!! Its more than what I can imagine this day! Praise God! I am motivated to move on in life.

Love,
Hannah 2.0

BREAK THROUGH MAN!

2008-08-26T03:11:00.000-07:00

First things first, wanna tell you my latest revelations. Recently I felt myself stagnant in my growth, feeling weary, and just like under tremendous pressure often. Besides, I also felt that B4 was rather stagnant in its growth, if not, maybe i was the one missing out. But you know, Over the weekend, I had a new revelation and I found that its was then i realised that I had lost that part of myself that had caused me to gradually lose my drive since I entered YJC, and carry the wrong attitude in life.

Lynette shared a really powerful message last Saturday during discipleship class. Of all the things she shared, 3 points i caught so much that I'm still holding it today, and i'm going to continue holding on to it since I made the decision to.

The first thing that God revealed to me was that Heart of God Church was built upon a dream to build the dreams of others. You know as i was sitting and listening to Lynette share
what I learnt from discipleship class, and in my spirit, i saw a supernatural event happening. It so felt like a magical experience but I knew in my spirit that God was speaking and showing something to me. I recalled the sometime around this season of my life last year when you spoke and share with me about God strategically placing me here in Hogc as a builder in the house. You know, it was at that God had shown me a vision even before the time you shared with me that I was holding tools and building the house of God, which was Hogc. It was there and then that i realised why I wanted so much to leave my previous church even though I was so comfortable in where I was at. It was through that recollection of my vision that God shook me and told me to start doing my work. Yup, there and then in the discipleship class. I knew immediately that I had a mission to accomplish and to do it with all my heart. Then, a thought striked me. I suddenly realised if I actually knew the dreams of others and built it like how Pastors had built mine. Whether i had actually touched hearts and be the vessel that God can use to touch hearts like how my heart was touched. I made my mind, I needed to know the dreams of my people. Thus, I did something that weekend.

The next thing that i caught was that as much as pastors put the heart into building HoGC by faith and sacrifice, Lynette shared about HoGC started in faith and it CANNOT fall in flesh. When I heard that, immediately something struck my heart! I cannot let my home fall in flesh. I must do my part in upholding the house of God, I can't let God's presence leave HoGC, I can't let HoGC fall and crumble. I can't let HoGC DNA and culture gradually dilute through the generations, and I must keep on passing the DNA and injecting it into the next Generation! Then, was when I decided, i need to keep my heart focused on God. There was when I started feeling the joy of the Lord flooding into my life again.

The last thing that wrecked my heart so much was the part when Lynette shared about the busiest period of HoGC for this year has passed, and we need to take this time to build ourselves. We need to come back and soak in the presence of God already. And my spirit interpreted it as the need to come back to the Heart of God, heart of worship. And that, I totally agree. So in this season, even though I may be studying for my Promos, and encountering the busiest seasons of my life of education, I must hang on to God. My heart so desired to come back into the thick presence of God. Wait on God, I have decided.

Then, the last thing that i caught was the part where Lynette mentioned about being real. Yeah, it hit me so much at that point. Especially now that I stepped into YJC, i realised that a slice and a piece of the real world is surfaced, and I start to see the complications and realness of life. At that moment, I suddenly saw something that I know that I will never see, I believed God Showed it to me. It was the thought of pastors. you know, i suddenly realised how God had used pastors to be great influence on my life. I suddenly saw that pastors had the chance to prosper in the world, and they are adults, there will definitlely be opportunities they could become political and complicated people. But i saw that they rather give up the world and do God's work rather than stay in the world and be succesful but not in God's will. You know it really was the most WOW thing I realised. I mean, definitely pastors would have been tempted to really not sow into our lives, but they went against the flow,and they stayed real and humble evene to this day. They are just so genuine, and even now, they will still be facing complicated people from the world, but they are always strong and being real and genuine, knowing they have God whose mightier than anything else. And that was what I saw. I knew, it had to be God to unfold these Big thoughts in my head that I can understand fully what my direction is in life now. That the was the most powerful revelation so far.

The next thing I did was to recommit myself to God all over again. When Pastor How was preaching last sunday, God reconfirmed and assured me that things would not go wrong,and so I can trust Him. I felt that it was the beginnings of my breakthrough. I felt my vision renewed, my purpose regained, and I was steering towards God again. I now am so eager to do things not on my own, but God,with pastors and the dream team!

Yeah! Breakthrough !

Love Hannah 2.0 ( A great leader lives )

Moving on

2008-08-20T22:25:00.002-07:00

Yeah.

Life's been really on the dull side recently, but no, I won't let it eat into me. It has'nt been easy coping with all the stresses around me since, but, i'll still do it anyway. I should take more water breaks, or organise my life on a wiser scale. But, if you were in my place, you'd know that i don't have so much time to do so. Nope, I'm not gonna let the world take me over and despise the God in my life. I'm still gonna let God, and show man that its impossible by my strengths,but with God, nothing is impossible. You think that Christianity is something you choose to pick when its good, and throw when circumsatnces let you down, you're wrong. Let not your ways deceive me, cos I know that my God's stronger. God bless, I'm moving on, i'm moving on..

Till we meet again.

Love, Hannah 2.0

Moving on

2008-08-20T22:25:00.001-07:00

Reminiscences

2008-08-04T06:33:00.000-07:00

Hi .

Just now i had a really good cry. Somehow it just lingers on in my life. you see, death is a very sensitive issue in my life encyclopedia. Besides,life has been really on the rough side at this point. Just looking at my amazing future. CAn't wait.

Love hannah 2.0

C'mon! Get a LIfe!

2008-07-28T21:06:00.000-07:00

Hey you!

Yes you! if you're reading my blog, yeah, i've smth to tell ya! that is to get a LIFE! really,I mean, to be honest, I struggled with being able to live life, but yeah, now, I'm truly able to think cos I'm getting my life right!

No time to emphasise much but yeah, My final line, get a life, and you'll find mine. :)

Its great to lead a great life!!!

catch ya come other time ya? ! bye!!

Love,
Hannah 2.0 -- undergoing training! :)

I'm Not Alone

2008-07-22T21:08:00.000-07:00

Hey there

I'm currently in school using the computer for some PW stuff and , later I'll be typing my John 3: 16 training notes. Yeah. I dunno what got into me recently, I gotta confess, I've been procrastinating especially in the area where waking up is concerned. Sometimes even when i study,I dunno how to start or I tend to feel tired easily. But I'm not gonna give up just like that. I know that I'm not alone in this. ytd, I ws chatting with my classmate on the phone for nearly an hour or so. I believed she was really troubled, so with gratitude and attitude, I offered to pray for her and hear her out. My life seemed to pss that tide sometime ago. but now i see why God has placed me here. With a specifc time, and purpose. I'm even more determined not to give up just like that. I may feel tired now, but its not all over. I've set in my heart that the Devil cannot do anything to bring me down, be it in the physical, spiritual or emotional realm! If you're reading my blog, and understand how i'm feeling, please pray together with me, for my Family Grandpa's health and salvation, and my church growth to become more spiritual by the end of the year, our attendance would increase and more than that, every individual will grow spiritually! Lets rise to greater heights! AMEN!~ thanks. :)

Love, Hannah 2.0

Life's good! its gonna be great! :D

2008-07-20T21:07:00.000-07:00

Hey hey!

I'm starting to feel the drive in life already. Yeah. Ytd, I went for leaders' mtg, and really hung out with the leaders and grew a level higher in knowing and thinking like them. I think the leaders' are really really cool. :) I love my leaders! Yeah! B4's gonna grow and breakthrough!! AMen!!:)

Love ,HAnnah!

~late for chinese class. :D

Picking it up again

2008-07-17T01:05:00.000-07:00

hi

I'm starting to pick it all up again.

Had a wonderful time just hanging out with my new Cg yesterday. PPl from B4 are just COOL. They are so fun and funnie. I guess so much in life I look forward to is just these. FRIENDS. true friends. They stand by you and just love you.
I mean a day of troubles can cease within moments as long as you're around these bunch of ppl! Yeah. I love HoGC. Its my home its whr i belong. Its whr I stand. Its my home. Currently, I'm still in school. I intended to go for Prayer mtg earlier on, but. I'm late alrd. Might as well go the next week's one. I think its really cool to have Heart of God church to belong to. Life. Is just boring without HoGC.

Ask me, I just finished my A levels Chinese Listening Compre.. Must have been really not good, I emphasise again.. NOT GOOD. Not fail,but just a pass perhaps, not as well. :)

But i mean everybody knows me.. I'm not CHEENA PEI PEI la.
haha, does'nt really matter! When I came to sch this MORNING> like at 11+ 12pm like that, I realise how much i can start afresh again. I set my heart on looking on the bright side of life every morning.I must enjoy this walk i take in YJC. I have to strive and do well in my academics. I just heard that I may not hv the same CT nx year!!! YES!! I must study hard to promote!!!! I also heard that if we promote, confirm there'll be a change of teachers!!!! YES!!!!!!!! I must study hard, i must study hard!! I must i mustz!!! PROMOTE!! :)

OHLAYoLAY!! My GP teacher also say finally I'm making improvements in my Essay!!

WAY TO GO HANNAH!! Jia yo jia yo!! haha, migraines seem to be eating into my strength, but i must resist! I will stand and start studying after this!! :)
Kinda miss my life. ~

Love,
HAnnah 2.0

What's happening.

2008-07-14T20:49:00.000-07:00

My my.

Somebody please hear me. I dunno whats happening to me. I really don't. Got a dressing down by my teacher. I feel really bad. I mean about myself. I feel so like a hypocrite. Am i? am I?

Why m i feeling this way? I really really want to do well in Church, school at home and in my spiritual walk with God. What happened along the way? Why do i start feeling so down? Jeevitha's death brought about a great change in my life. Why is that so?

It has caused me to think how meaningless how life is. Besides, I feel like i've not been myself recently. And, i know that i sometimes behave immaturely. But sometimes, its really a part of me. I am really LOST.

Just that day i was really impacted and wanted to work hard for my promos. But why m i starting to procrastinate and lament now? Have I given up hope on God? or m i just tired with the way things are?

Have i lost self respect or what? was i crazy carrying a bad attitude around in school ?

Or is it the people around me? Has my morale dropped bcos of the people in sch or my teachers? Or has the sch system really tore my world of hopes away? Has ministry really been the one to pull me away?

Apparently it does'nt seem to be the case. I agree that i go to church more often than before. more than anyone else. But, that does'nt mean i can't do it right? have i lost the support already? Don't i have a life and a right to choose as well?

Isn't it my life to handle and control? Do they have to add pressure to my life? Am i not human as well? can't i even have the liberty to do the things that I've always wanted to do? Can't i even have the chance to face a rough patch in life, and pull through without authorities' interference?

I tried, i really tried/ Why does it seem like I've not even progressed a single bit? It feels like they have given up on me. When I say that, I meant that they gave up trusting in me. Trusting me in handling my own life. I know i make mistakes, i know i'm not super. but i also know that at the end of the day, God is with me. Trusting in Him is my only solution. But does it seem that people are doubting the strength of God? Why does it seem that I'm the stupid one to trust in God.

Church commitment is not little. I agree, but at least doing it really makes me happy. God's tasks for me makes me realise and learn what I've never thought i could do. Besides, everytime I do His tasks, i start loving people more and more. I start feeling faith rise within me. Its different from that of school homeworks. Besides, people in church are so much a part of me now. I really love being in the house of God than to dwell in the school. Facades I never fathomed about. But stir and abrupts my spirit. No peace, no sense of belonging. No voice, no life. I know that academics is important,i really do. But, to achieve great results is not by doing it this way. I'm a normal being who needs my life too. Church commitments has become a part of me, its my joy of doing such. Its not a chore, but a joy. Studying is also smth that i really enjoy. But why has the system made it so dreadful?

Everytime i think of YJC, i'm always seeing a person carrying a heavy bag, hunched back, with no energy to enjoy his walk in school. And a sense of deep solace within that person.Look around me, practically every student who used to be so joyful are looking EXACTLY the way as I've thought. And those who don't basically has no life! School is their ONLY life. They are happy about having a school bounded life. Well, I know that JC life meant to be like that, but isn't Yj a little too much? No wonder we are at the bottom of the ranks. School hrs are long, students are literally forced into a pit. And lockers! I bet YJ is the only school that has NO LOCKERS!
Dusty environment, broken and dirty equipments. Teachers think they know the world so well. Bad organising team. A team that can't even plan the whole school system well that will give enough time for students to rest. C'mon! no wonder my classmates are getting depressed every now and then, no wonder everyday i step into school, i see moody faces, and negative looks and attitude everywhere i go. No wonder my mood seem so bad.

BAD BAD BAD.

But i'm not giving up my life just like that. I'm still gonna strive to study, graduate by year 2 and go to NUS. I'm not determine to let people despise my God. I'm going to keep studying. The only thing which I find hard that may obstruct my progress is basically the people around me. I don't need my teachers to burden me, and add to my load. I'm self awared of myself. I don't need my mum to threaten me with pastors. I don't need my friends and teachers and sometimes family members to place eme in the frame they thought i would be. I just need trust and encouragement to push me towards success.

I shall shut my mouth from now, just seeking and thinking from God. God neevr gave up on me.Why should i give up? I WILL SUCCEED AND DRIVE PEOPLE TO THINK AND RECONSIDER THEIR THOUGHT ABOUT LIFE AND GOD!!!

Love,HANnah 2.0

Is it You? - SOng by Cassie.

2008-07-14T20:48:00.000-07:00

I'm looking for a lover not a friend
Somebody who can be there when I need someone to talk to
I'm looking for someone who won't pretend
Somebody not afraid to say the way they feel about you

And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel,
Someone who can keep it real and who knows the way
The way I like to have it my way
And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,
Wants to share, shows he cares
Thinking your the one that I've been waiting for

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me? (Could you be?)
Could you be the one I need?

I'm looking for someone to share my pain (Uh)
Someone who I can run to, who would stay with me when it rains
Someone who I can cry with through the night
Someone who I can trust who's heart is right
And I'm looking for someone

And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel,
Someone who can keep it real and who knows the way
The way I like to have it my way
And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,
Wants to share, shows he cares
Thinking your the one that I've been waiting for

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be this one I need?

Take for granted
How much I care (How much I care)
And appreciates that I'm there
Someone who listens
And someone I can call who isn't afraid of thoughts to share

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

touchedF0REVER: One more down. a close one.

2008-07-10T05:11:00.000-07:00

touchedF0REVER: One more down. a close one.

One more down. a close one.

2008-07-08T20:53:00.000-07:00

Hi.

I lost another of my friend. this time round its somebody closer. My secondary school best friend. We never saw each other again til this year sometime within the last three months. She was really fine then. What happened? I need to go and find out more. Its getting scarier each time. I can't imagine such gruesome things happened in my life. Its reality, not a drama. How i wish it really was not reality. But its kinda hard to accept the fact. Not till i've seen for myself. But somehow I felt myself being numbed of my emotions.

When i heard the news broadcast yesterday, it did'nt occur to me that it was her. The Holy Spirit prompted me saying that it was somebody I knew. I took forgranted and did not bother to find out who it was. It was so sudden I don't really know how to deal with my emotions. I was sobbing during econs lecture earlier on, and I really did'nt know how to face up to this.

In my heart, I was just thinking how i should react to this incident. Its too coincidental that there's so many death among my circle of friends occuring. The Lord is trying to tell me something. The only thing that I really regretted was not bringing the dead to church. I tried, but could hv tried harder. But then again, life suddenly seems so fragile to me. I can't fathom the thought how i was going to cope with another incident. Will I be void of my emotions over again? Life seems so meaningless to me now.

You may ask me how i felt abt the murderer. Of course I felt that he should be punished severely, if i were'nt a christian, I would go aft him at all cost. but because I carry the name of the Lord, God has softened that spot in my heart. He has forbidden that i'd deal with hatred. Thus, I'm not concerned abt this evil, wicked indispicable man whose blood of the child of God is in his hands! I live to love, so I'm really concerned for the parents of Ashley. Her mum especially. I'll look for her. I'll do something after this. I need to find out and just be there for the mother of my friend. It burdens my heart. Now, her parents don't need to fight over finances and all already.

Back to my thoughts. God has wonderfully lifted my sorrows cause I believed God has warned me abt these events beforehand, that I may not be too affected by the dead but living. I look forward to the day where I'll meet Jeev in heaven when i'm old. I was reading my bible this morning, where Jonathan who was so close to David died. God has set my path in place, that I may seek Him before anything else. God has become my comfort. He has become my cushion and even if i were die I'll die for the cause of my Lord and saviour Jesus Christ.

If something happens to me, the only wish and desire I have in heart is to see my friends and relatives saved in Jesus Christ. My Grandfather, Uncle, classmates, ex-classmates, friends, people around me. For me, I live for Christ, and i know that if God takes me home, I'm sure to go heaven for eternity. I may fear death now, but I fear God more than anything else. The devil may take my body, but God takes my soul. The reason why I want to see all that I know coming to Christ is for the single wish to see them all worshipping and fellowshipping with God and us all. I rather we see ourselves in heaven than seeing these people in hell. Its for eternal. I'm carrying a burden of spreading the gospel with the people around me seriously for now.

I know my friend is gonna live in heaven just like Jonathan, the friend whom David loved. My joy is in the Lord, and my friend is in the Lord although she's a catholic, but I believed God has touched in her life. I'm gonna pray and intercede.

Love, Hannah 2.0

I am grieved

2008-07-06T05:22:00.000-07:00

Hi,

I just found out that my secondary school friend just passed away. I'm really grieved. Feel so much like crying but i just can't. Tho i'm not exceptionally his gd friend, close or not. but i must say that he was my friend. I feel really sad cos i did'nt get the chance to bring him to church. I think its really a mind changing experience. I realized how much i must start reaching out to these ppl who needs God so much. However God has been gd! God has been great! new salvations every week!! :)

love, hannah

Life.

2008-07-02T04:39:00.000-07:00

hey!

You ask me what life means to me. I tell you, this is is. Life.

Life without Jesus is really meaningless. i am just so happy that i've been chosen to attend discipleship with Pastors. It's really a great honour for me. it has been my desire to be close with the man and woman of God. It has been my dream to serve pastors till I get old.

This morning I was just thinking to myself abt the grace and mercy God has showered upon my life. i realized that God has been good to me. When i was doing my devotional early this morning, I was reading the book of Samuel. I just admire the character of David. I told God and made a decision thats is even when i start to become successful in life, prosper and all, i would never want to leave his presence. the one thing I feared most is losing my connection with God. For he could promote me, and He and demote me as well. I promised God that i'll always keep a heart of faith and humility. that i may never stray from His ways, for if I want to be used by God, my basic requirement is to seek His ways.

I know that in this time of trial and testing, God has given another chance and opportunity to train my capacity. i know that in the midst of my busy schedule, and packed timetable, i can cope with it all for i know that God will not give me smth that I cannot take or conquer. For every level i proceed, another devil in seat. I must never give eup for the cause of Jesus Christ. i know that my friends are thinking that doing so much for God and the church is really meaningless, and useless. but I tell you, as surely as my God lives, He will pull me through it all.

I am all set and ready to start working hard for God. I still wanna grow up, support SOF, bring my family overseas often, and I wanna be able to bless many with my finances and my testimonies.

On the bus to gramps place, a sudden thought came into my mind. It OBVIOUSLY is not from God. Something that went like this : " now that your life is getting stressful and all, why don't you just give it all up? For if you give up going to church, you'll be able to concentrate well in your studies, and life would be good for you. You gain and don't lose at all." Then in my spirit, another voice spoke. it said: "No! I'll never ever try to fathom the thought of leaving God. You know what? Though to you i may seem to be happy and joyful that if I leave church and do especially well in my academic, but truly, that joy can never reach the one of which you witness a soul saved for Jesus Christ. For i do not look to the physical gains in life, but the supernatural. Besides, life would be meaningless if i just studied and gave up my great destiny in God for smth so absolute. Look, though i may not have done well in my academic currently, God is good, and who said that Christians can't be radical yet academically inclined in the FIRST place? for i know that the word of God clearly states that " For seel FIRST His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you" Matthew 6:33. memorised, by heart! That voice got so dumbfounded and shut out, and I felt a surge of faith and courage in my spirit.

okays, its kinda late, so aft this, i'm going to purchase my stud concession,and change the money!

If you know me, Please pray for my grandfather's health and salvation. thanks.

Anw, its so exciting! We hv a zone mtg tmr, and I bet, its so cool! Good bye!

Love, HAnnah :)

School's Starting all over again :)

2008-06-29T23:46:00.000-07:00

Honestly,

I really dread the thought of returning to school all over again. I mean, honestly, studying is actually really fun. However, ever since I entered this school, things changed. I've taken on a whole new arena of ball game which I don't even know the rules of. But, I really am not just gonna give it up. Though it may be tough, I'm pretty sure God's will pull me through. I just gotta work harder. :) Actually got my results back.. Hahas, failed my maths. 23/100 :) Congrats to me! Just try harder for my next few tests, and start working on my every subject just like how I promised God, My leader and myself that I would take it all and make things happen! Its really about taking things and making them happen. Well, Look at Ivan! If my leader can do it, I can do it too! Look at Sam, if She can make it, I can make it too! :) Ultimately, I live to conquer, and I live to face challenges and enjoy the outcome of it all. Its possible, why not? :) I got deployed into hospi, and if I'm gonna serve Pastors, I'm gonna live up to expectations. If i'm gonna serve in Reception and hospi, I'm gonna do well in school and in church, at home, and in my own personal relationship with God. Besides, If I am gonna attend leaders' mtg, I'm gonna be like a leader. Its time to take my place, to be the daughter in HoGC. I'm gonna rise and build God's house! :)

WAY WAY TO GO! HANNAH 2.O!!! jia yo!! :)))

I'm gonna break through

2008-06-23T20:51:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna break through. Thats all i can say.
Have to hurry update u on my life.

Recently, I had a revelation from God, he told me that the harvest is plentiful but the labourers are few. I knew he meant to give me something. Then He said Go! now is the time to rise up in leadership. true enough God started increasing my wisdom, stature, favour with Him and with man. It started with Pastor sharing about me for building fund service this year, where God tremendously how amazingly I can be used for His purpose in order to bridge the gap of the older generations. Ten, I thanked God, after that I aske God to use me more. I dunno how but whatever He deemed fit, I asked Him to use me. The next thing I knew, I was sharing my testimony on stage, most amazing thing was that I was called to join in the leaders; meeting the next week, and so on.. I grew so much in God. I just thank God for being there for me. Hearing and answering my prayers as according to His timing. I Thank God that He is God and I am not, for I know that I am mere human and can never be so Great like Him, but to have Him is my pleasure that I may not fall into the pits of life but to soar high in life. Though sometimes it may not be on the peak, but still, I'm high with God up there who shields and protects me, brings me through so much, and recently I've broke through in another great obstacle in my life. Its just so so PHENOMENA! Hallelujah. I can't help but keep praising Jesus! Life's great! and it's gonna be greater!! haha.

okok, gotta go study. Instructed by Sam!
I love God! HoGC! Pastors! Sam!

Love, Hannah ( love God, Ppl n Life)

Migraines.

2008-05-21T22:42:00.001-07:00

yeah. think i'm having migraines.

Not severe but bad enough to spoil my mood. Maybe its dehydration. I dunno. whatever the case, i'm going home to pack my bag!! i mean my luggage. yeah. hahas. life's but a journey of dreams. time flies. very soon, its holidays, very soon, its over. very soon, its a new year all over again. hmms. But right now, i can't wait but get out of this place as soon as possible. when I sadi that, i meant, GRADUATE. yeah/ I think I need to keep indulging in the presence of God, recently, I've been really busy with life. where has God gone in my life???
No, i gotta hold on to God, and let God lead me. You say reliant? i reply, yes, reliant. TOTALLY on God.

Alright man, i gotta go. catch up some time after I return from China.

Love,
Hannah :)

woo hoho. 3 more days

2008-05-20T19:24:00.000-07:00

okok.

gotta hurry, my stomach hurts, and after this, i gotta rush to the toilet, and then complete my chinese worksheet! power la. teacher not here today, had econs earlier on. later i'll be going down to church, study, go home, finish laundry, tomorrow, finish my 2.4 km run, den, proceed for the rest of the sch day, finally, I can go home and study proper, I can study for GP blok test on friday! hahas

then ,friday, i'll have paper after that i gotta go for discipleship in church. prayer mtg, home, and saturday, off to china!! hahas. i'll be missing red rain. =((

alright really gotta go off to the toilet!!

Love, Hannah :)