feeling so pointless, with no aims in life

Hey there, Well lately I'm on my semester break n I have pretty much nothing to do. I guess I am home for no particular reason and I really am yearning for a life of my own. I just ended tuition and my boyfriend sent me home. Though I missed him a lot,the ride home was boring and a really unenjoyable one. I guess he was unhappy bcos I encouraged him to study. Which totally disinterested him in the first place. Well, homestly I did not force him to study but he was always comparing his rank with his peers n everything boiled down to their certificate. It's a paperchase society n in his line of work, qualifications was important. I guess he doesn't really like it anyway but as a girlfriend I trymy best 2b supportive in everything he decides to. I guess this is all I can really do for him since he has a mindof his own too. What I noticed though is that we've really gone thru quite a series of quarrels n upsetting moments. I did look back at all my collection of photographs n rralized that we were so much more happier as a couple in the past, I really start to ponder about it. Maybe I had been too easy on him n lets him get whatever he wants n whatever he wants to do. Sometimes bcos of that I don't feel qualified to be his wife, let alone be his girlfriend. Everytime he mentions studying, he says it's bcos of me he went to study n he indirectly blames me for making him lose his fitness, his time spent with me n for himself. What he hasn't really noticed is that he has been rather influenced by his car n friends on another end. For instance, he was frequently using the time to pump petrol and therefore sacrificing his slp on thw weekdays, washing his car n spending so much money on his car accessories which honestly isn't needed. Yes, he does spend his money on me, but honestly I have nvr really wanted him to spend on me the way he has. Nevertheless, my perception of encouraging him to study is him choosing to prioritise his studies above me, which means that right now in his life, the level of importance is: HONDA FIT, UNISIM, friends, work den hannah and then his fitness n his family. I am a bad girlfriend for making my boyfriend study against his will. For forcing him to fight for his future. And I hv robbed him of his time n his life. Honestly, I really can't help but think to myself if I actually deserve this man, if I actually made the right choice. Dating him sometimes really challenges my emotions and my values n life principles. Often I feel that I lose my freedom to be myself too when I'm with him, and often I do not see a happy ending between us. Even though I reallyloved him by my side, and when he tries, he is really quite nice n really makes me feel worth the fight in life. But recently, I feel that my motivation to keep loving this man has dropped and the confidence I would carry for a successful marriage has really deterioted to the extend I seriously feel like ending this relationship if we hasn't any commitments such as the flat n other things. Let's wait and see bahs. Love, Hannah