maybe i was the replacement?

ok,

i'm just thinking about life, and how my relationship came into place so quickly. At first i'm thinking that maybe i'm trying to replace the person in my heart, and i thought i should take it slowly because i do not want to hurt anybody in this process. But the situation just got a little complicated today. I'm wondering now if this is really my cup of tea.

What i do understand is that i've been trying to make life a little difficult for my boyfriend by trying to push him higher, but things don't go as i thought it would. And the worst thing happened. we were at katong 112 chilling with some friends, but i had no idea what came into him, perhaps the conversation that went with myt friends about Audi A7 and how Ryan's neighbour has a ferari and my old neighbours too, but the thing that i felt hit his heart was that understanding i grew up in a well-to-do environment, and how i told him he has to upgrade himself. What i however failed to tell him is that we could get through all of these together. I can't fathom the thought how much i'm losing this man now.

Truth is, i did realize his disappearance while playing pool last night, but i didn't know the severity of the situation until this morning when he told me that he wanted to take sometime alone. I didn't understand why, but i was telling him that i loved him for who he was not because of what he was. i meant to tell him deeper, but i didn't want to do it out of impulse, what i wanted to tell him was that i loved him to go through life with him, for better or for worse, for rich or for poor. But i lacked the courage to, because of the immaturity of our relationship and how i didn't want it to come out wrongly. i did not know what else to say, i didn't know how to make it any better anymore.

As for some recollections, i'm thinking maybe the casual mention of his ex girlfriend brought some memories back to himself, and slapped reality into his face. That he was poor, ugly? and that wasn't what i thought, but what he thought. Nevertheless, i should think that he probably is looking back at his past relationship and i would like to use the term reminscining the past, but the truth is, she broke his heart. Which i cannot blame and i cannot tell him to shut out from, but probably, i'm contemplating, he is preparing to cut himself from me. With what he thinks about a change in environment. He is preparing himself for the worst, or maybe preparing me for a breakup which i am not surprised by it if it does happen anytime.

i do not know what is to happen, and i do not know how to react to situation when it comes, but i guess, take one step at a time. i'm so gonna pour my heart into studying hard and doing well in this endeavour. All the heartache from this relationship should not get in my way to do well.

And i guess, i do hope that SC will be fine. Take care Sc, i love you. You are not a replacement, and i really appreciated all the things you have done for me. I'm honoured to have been with you this past 2 months. There's so much that i'd like to tell you, but i have to hold them for the right time. THANK YOU! Good night dear! :)

Love,
Hannah