Esther. a note for you.

To my childhood and certainly beloved sister -Esther.

Here's what i want to tell you if you ever come across this entry.

First and foremost. I've read ur blog entry that reads: on a firm stand.(8July)

i have to say, you're getting better at your english. On another hand, it took me awhile to comprehend the words u used, tone, and all to understand what exactly ur plight is. Of course, God alone is one to judge. But on the other hand, have you ever considered that God is a good God and He certainly want us to be mentored and guided by people that are above us? Yes, sometimes we do get disappointed with them, but i still think that they do deserve a fair bit of respect from us.

Next, i should be one of which "people you used to see on sunday mornings", frankly speaking, peoples' judgements should'nt hold a thorn to you if you really are not as they think it is. Of course i'm not saying that they are perfectly fine and right to judge you, but i feel that sometimes we ourselves should think about ourselves -the way we present ourselves that imply certain indications of who we are on the inside can be given away through how we present ourselves on the outside -smth i learnt since i grown up. It may not be literal, but it certainly is visible. Especially through the way you speak and release words and the approach you take in handling your current circumstances. From this point of view, YOU CERTAINLY NEED HELP.

THINK AGAIN. Are u really seeking God? we know it ourselves best, i care not to spell-it-out. Because i still believe in your genuine need for God to move in your life.

You know you said that it saddens your heart to see a leader taking things into hand in a childlike manner, firstly, its one thing to take it in a childlike manner, its another to take it in a CHILDISH manner. Yet, it saddens me even more to witness this sight of the current you which spurs me forth to write this entry. Whatever ordeal you were referring to i will not pry to understand but i do hope you do come to ur senses what i'm trying to interpret here.

Look, I do agree that whomever you're trying to target this message to in this paragraph, you might have lost your respect. But have you ever considered that respect is reciprocal? Let me honestly ask you, do you really respect yourself in the first place? and, how many people in your life truly respect you. If you have a conscience and would think about it carefully, being respected for you are and being respected for what you are are 2 different response and reaction and it definitely relates differently. And, if you are receiving the same kind of response from people around you, who genuinely care for your welfare, then, maybe the problem really does lie with you.

Also, i definitely beared in mind before typing this. That is i certainly practice what i preached. That is what makes me able to tell you what is on my heart. Yet, it is not lecturing. And i say again, it is not a lecture. Even as i speak to you, i am learning and growing.

Dear me, your poor friend. Do you know one of life's greatest obstacles is to be misunderstood for the wrong purposes? Seriously, what benefit would it be if your friend were to save you from serious trouble rather than see you die? That benefit would only be having you alive. Please, think again. if your friend needs to give you excuses just to gain ur trust, then honestly, it just goes to show how you are as a friend yourself. People reflect the way they react as how you react.Understand?

Then, you thank God for showing u ur friend's true colours. Let me tell you honestly, everybody has a good and a bad side. But why does it have to be that when ur friend's with you, you see her bad side? And having said that, how has that made you stronger in anyway? by hardening your heart even more??? It definitely is against God's will to bring you on a spiral downwards.

Then, we go back to where you came from. Boy, why did you let ur shut mouth eat from within? You knew where all these were going did'nt you. Why did'nt you pick the right time to say the right things at the right time? than to say the right things at the wrong time which perhaps, has resulted in a big NO NO. Then, i ask you what exactly is wiser way of putting ur point through by voicing it on ur blog? Won't that seriously conjure more misunderstandings? Won't ur readers think of you as not being able to put it on a face to face basis? To me, people who resort to bloggers communication really are cowards. I mean, if you have to stoop to this level to tell people you are not happy with them, it just goes to show that you're not happy with them, but you can't tell them face to face because of some reasons. Well, i dunno what that is, but it certainly is not of a thing i would do to pose my attacks on.

Facts and logic? You need the TRUTH not those.

And who has labelled you atrociously as whatever is it? I certainly have not. I love you no matter what has become of you today, you're always that friend i grew up with playing swings, chatting, playing and all. Yet, one thing i need you to know, you are who you think you are. Nobody can ever label you if you do not accept their marks on your life. You be what you want to be because in life, these are just limitations, but if you choose to believe in God seriously, there'll be no limitations. Think about it seriously.

Honestly speaking, as a friend watching you, the thing about you is that you've never rally changed you see. Its just that you've been controlling yourself utmost emotions, suppressing it within in the past. There is an obvious difference between releasing it, and becoming wiser or mature, because if you were really mature and wiser now, the way you respond to the circumstances in your life, would be totally different. Yes, you may be an unique individual, i agree. But i bet a 100 times with you, if a matured individual facing the same plight as you, would have taken things differently, turning away from what i call, a cyclic pattern. Its a vicious cycle.

Think about it, if you're really not naive, blur and the old you, would you be where you are today? you probably would have walked into the destiny God absolutely planned for you.

For your information, the sun does shine all the time. I'm serious. Its clouds that comes in place that will block the sunshine from us. BUT, it is what that is within you that will cause you to fly above the storms that make you remarkable. On note, my advice to you, accept responsibility.

Finally, to end it off here, i do love you and hope the best for you. Whether this hits you hard anot, i do hope it shakes some sense into you. If i had not cared for you, i would'nt have typed this note. Catch my heart girl, i mean you well. This would not benefit me in anyway at all. Infact, being so busy in life, i don't have to entertain such a childish note from you. but as a matter of fact, i love you that is why i'm doing this regardless of what you may think of me. I could have slept in preparation of a powerpacked busy day tomorrow, but if i were to sleep and not do something, as a friend, i fail to hang out with you, even more, as a spiritual sister, i totally fail.

Let me tell you honestly, i believe in the power of God, and i strongly believe that God has placed you in my life for a reason. I have been praying for you recently above the countless names i pray on the list, you are one special one. Don't doubt my heart for you, but seriously think and consider before your next response. The lifetime of opportunity comes with an opportunity of a liftime. Won't you truly start to seek ur purpose and find ur place in God? you're smart, and a logical person, i believe you can make the right decisions in life. Above all these, i believe in you.

Love,
Hannah
AnEBFG